<p>OP, sad to burst your perceptions, but there are far too many parents who think that once their children can drive or have friends who can drive they are incapable of parenting. The parties are nothing new and many of these parents know what goes on and either do not care (they are just having some fun, relax) or too wrapped up in their own ‘lives’ to pay close attention to their children. (they will be adults soon anyway).</p>
<p>I do think that your outrage sounds like it is rooted in a particular girl. Maybe someone you hoped to date or used to date who ‘discovered’ college parties and hooked up with a ‘fraternity guy’. Contrary to the opinions of some, much of the time it is not the alcohol or drugs, but just the ‘adventure’ that drives the HS girl to the bed of a college guy. Even back in the 80s before the advent of social media, there were many girls who saw college guys as a sort of conquest and believe me, girls brag about hooking up as much or more than guys. The college guy may or may not know she is not in college. Ultimately, it is better for you to learn that she is not really the girl for you.</p>
<p>While it is also true that some kids will get into trouble closer to home, good parenting can limit those opportunities to tempt young people who have the hormones, but not the wisdom to control them. Good parenting can also help kids be exposed to that sort of thing and not succumb to the temptation. Unfortunately, many parents are either in denial or too self-absorbed to notice this sort of thing. In those cases, parenting can equal buying your daughter birth control and telling them to be sure to call home for a ride if she is too drunk to drive.</p>
<p>My daughters didn’t visit any colleges on their own. We went with them, even for over nights, we stayed at a nearby hotel. As far as telling us they were sleeping over a girlfriend’s house and actually taking a road trip to a nearby college? They always had to call me from a land line at their friend’s house around midnight. Yes, I do monitor my kids’ social media. They can’t really afford to post anything that may have ill effect on their current/future employment. </p>
<p>It’s nice to see a high school student consider this. I’d rather have someone like the OP- someone who does care about how to behave- date my daughter than someone who is just looking for another random hook up.</p>
<p>And while this isn’t the OP’s situation, does anyone recall the 1980’s song “Centerfold” where the guy discovers his young crush in a men’s magazine? I’m sure some people will reply that she has the right to do this and she does, but the guy’s shock in the song is real. Some guys might not care, but he does.</p>
<p>What if the girls in the magazine were 16-17? What if the lyrics today said social media? Is a young high school student able to consider how she might feel about certain photos of her partying many years later?</p>
<p>If the OP is correct, then is it possible these high school teens might be putting themselves in situations they could regret later. I know that parents can’t control every aspect of their teens’ lives at this time, but maybe some of these issues and questions could be points of discussion with them. </p>
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<p>The reason some of us are not jumping to defend the OP for his “concern” (?) is the eerily familiar undercurrent of blaming and rudeness evident in some of his posts, like this one. </p>
<p>laxripper, again–then why don’t you take your justified anger out on the college guys that are trying to take advantage of innocent young high school girls? You are so bitter about the girls and the parents. Yet you have no criticism at all of the idiot frat boys. Have you talked to your brother about this? Does he think it’s OK? And why do you want to be in this environment if it bothers you so much and you feel so helpless? Alternately, if you care about these girls in your community and they are your friends, why not try talking with them? Are there fun things to do in your town that don’t involve drugs and alcohol and sexual pressure? Maybe if they see that they have the option of interesting boys their own age, they will find the college parties less enticing.</p>
<p>If this is such an issue at your brother’s college (UMich by any chance), then why don’t YOU make an appointment with the Dean of Students there to discuss the disparaging behavior of,the college students who are hosting visitors.</p>
<p>Or is it just easier to start thread after thread attacking parents in some form?</p>
<p>I’m not jumping to defend OP because OP’s initial motives were not driven from their “concern” for these girls. </p>
<p>OP, if your concern is so genuine why did you not start your thread off focusing on the guys who do this and speak to parents on how their daughters are acting in these environments? Why instead are you focusing on the “horrible parenting”? </p>
<p>The reason you started this thread wasn’t because you were “concerned”. No. You would’ve started differently, interacted differently, and your first page wouldn’t have the type of posts it does have IF your whole purpose was out of “concern” for these girls. </p>
<p>laxripper, AGAIN–why don’t you reach out to these girls directly or shame the frat boys for taking advantage of kids when there are plenty of available women their own age at U of M? You have a way of not answering questions that suggests you aren’t actually interested in a conversation.</p>
<p>@JAMCAFE: yes, I did. :(</p>
<p>Ok…I’ll say it. This OPs posting style is remarkably similar to a couple of dearly departed posters…dm2017, stmarys14. Their M.O was to find a topic on which to attack parents.</p>
<p>Why the attack on the OP? It just seems some people are taking his post rather personally. Ok, maybe he could just mind his own business, maybe there’s a hidden agenda, or maybe he truly is appalled by the things he sees when visiting his brother.</p>
<p>I’m surprised that people are at the very least dismissing the OP’s account of bad behavior. Did you not see the exact same thing? I did. Young girls, high school age, coming to campus on weekends and behaving badly. This was thirty years ago so no social media to record and put the behavior on the Web. </p>
<p>As for being locked out of your child’s account, the OP is right, most kids do not limit their posts or pictures to a private group.There’s even a search by image on Google so you don’t need to know your child’s username, just a picture.</p>
<p>At the very least, the OP prompts a discussion about current risky behaviors and future regrets.</p>
<p>Slacker…I would be interested in this discussion if the OP were also pointing the finger at the parents of the naughty boys who are hosting these HS girls for these college weekends. </p>
<p>You know…I think we are all aware that there are things going on at college that are not perfect. We all know there is underage drinking, sex in the dorms, etc. </p>
<p>The OP is portraying himself as the perfect male, who would never think to engage in such behaviors or draw others into them. And that is a good thing. </p>
<p>But his implication is that EVERYONE else is not as perfect as he is.</p>
<p>And by the way, I think googling girls is one step away from stalking.</p>
<p>What I don’t get is the assumption that girls (and boys) who visit friends at college campuses will automatically be participating in this kind of behavior. </p>
<p>In my mind, senior year in high school is a good time to start letting kids take on more responsibility and experience more freedom in measured doses. That doesn’t mean “anything goes”, but it does mean loosening the apron strings a little bit. </p>
<p>If D comes to me and says, “This guy you’ve never met has invited me to a party at his fraternity house next week. Can I go? I can stay with some friends of his who you’ve never met either, so you don’t have to worry about me getting in trouble.” My answer is, “no way.” But if she comes to me and tells me that she’d like to visit her good friend of three years at her new college, we’ll talk about it. I’ll talk to her friend. I’ll find out more about the plans. And then I’ll make a considered decision. I’ll probably be checking in on her throughout the weekend just to make sure things are okay. We’ll also have some discussion about how to handle situations that she feels uncomfortable with (although we’ve already had a lot of those by now anyway). </p>
<p>Honestly, I think kids can actually benefit from some “trial runs” at dealing with situations that they will encounter at college before they find themselves at freshman orientation week with no idea about what to expect or how to act. </p>
<p>It’s not all or nothing, black or white. It’s a process, and as a responsible parent, I feel I have to help my kids make the transition. When I wanted them to learn to swim, I let them paddle around with floaties under the supervision of people I trusted and learn how deal with the inherent dangers of the water for a while before I let them swim alone. I didn’t throw them in the ocean with the sharks on their sixth birthday. I’m treating college sort of the same way. </p>
<p>Well why don’t you call the parents of the girls you have been following. Maybe they will appreciate your "concern ".</p>
<p>I’m hoping this conversation can grow beyond the OP’s original “girls gone wild” diatribes. </p>
<p>I’m a parent of a 17-year-old almost-senior daughter who is admittedly very inexperienced and fairly naive. I do want to help prepare her for the social side of college as well as the academic challenges. And that’s not something that is often discussed here on the parent boards, even though I’m sure it’s an issue a lot of us think about. </p>
<p>I just don’t think locking her in her room until she graduates is the answer. </p>
<p>@Thumper1, you have a valid point about parents of boys but consider the source, a 17 year old boy, not a parent of a 17 year old boy. I’m not going to judge parenting skills or morals of his parents or even the parents here. I think he does present a valid viewpoint. Is it complete? No, of course not.Is it emotional? I think so.</p>
<p>Sees for I’m responding</p>
<p>The behavior of the high school girls set themselves up to be victimized. The college boys’ behavior borders on criminal. Surely parents of the boys have more to worry about. The naive girls might come to their senses in time to file a criminal complaint and where will that leave the boys?</p>
<p>laxripper, I don’t see ad hominem attacks. You are the one who has come on here blasting parents and NOT LISTENING even after many of us have spent the time crafting thoughtful responses that explain our thinking on this subject (which of course IS important and is constantly on the minds of many of us). You don’t actually seem interested in solving the problem, but rather continue to rant with salacious descriptions of what these girls (not the college boys) are doing. Your tone of voice is, frankly, rude and unwarranted. And some of us have heard it before.</p>
<p>Maybe if we can ignore the child, this discussion can be productive. Admittedly hard to do, though. </p>
<p>I do wonder about all these angry high schoolers with their “Pay attention to me! Pay attention to me!” posts on the parenting forum lately. Or, as some have suggested, maybe it is just one pathetic kid working out his anger against adults. Given this weekend’s news, I’m starting to view such behavior a little differently. I think this discussion is valid…but the adolescent preservative behavior is a red flag. </p>
<p>I have a viewpoint on partying and parents’ role in it as a child ages. I’ll write it up, but in the meantime it’s Memorial Day and festivities are about to be underway. </p>
<p>Thanks, @Niquii77 I look forward to hearing more. I always enjoy reading your POV. Go have fun! </p>