<p>There is definitely a salacious undercurrent to the OP’s posts. I would also think that someone who found the highly sexually charged environment of a college party unpleasant would start to avoid them after a while–but the OP says he has been visiting his brother at school for two years.</p>
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<p>There’s also the factor that many undergrads started their undergrad careers before 18. I started my undergrad at 17 myself and I knew several undergrad classmates who started at much younger ages.</p>
<p>One was a classmate a few years ahead of me who GRADUATED at 17 with high honors. </p>
<p>Another was a 16 year old incoming junior who wasn’t going to suffer fools gladly. Especially considering she was a hardcore punk rock fan who was into the riot grrl scene in the '90s. </p>
<p>I don’t know, it makes sense to me that a male HS junior, at an age when parents are still seen as having some authority in their teens’ lives, might send out an alert here. He’s probably discussing this with his friends and family too. His witnessing might be building into “doing something” - if not in the near future than later. I’m kinda surprised some are ripping him a new one. </p>
<p>I think we ought to give OP a break. It sounds like he is concerned and by posting this thread it may help someone.</p>
<p>Insulting parents and not listening to their well-reasoned, thoughtful comments on a subject he introduced is not being helpful–it’s being a rude ■■■■■. Some of us have been down this road before with this person in a previous incarnation. I agree that the topic is important, which is why a number of us have continued to discuss it even in the OP’s (forced?) absence.</p>
<p>OP has been banned. Let’s just let this thread die.</p>
<p>My daughter never asked. She actually called the girls at her high school that are allowed to spend every other weekend at a different college campus a certain four letter word…</p>
<p>I have not permitted my kids to visit older friends at colleges for the fun of it, for a weekend of partying type of th thing because I don’t think that’s a venue for high school kids. I have allowed my kids to stay with someone they knew at a college when visiting, auditioning (I had a theatre kid), etc. I’ve also allowed my kids to visit a sibling. In their cases, the schedules where pretty tight, but, yes, there would have been opportunity to get into trouble. I took the chance. No problems. My older ones are pushing age 30 and it’s been a while, and did ask how those went and they had seemed puzzled that there would be all this kind of activity during a college visit. My older ones were on the wild side and, yes, had there been ready access to partying, that might have happened, and if they’d gone their for that purpose, I think it would have. But they had agendas, schedule–one was an athletic recruit, the other had auditions, and they were focused on what they had to do. </p>
<p>Also my older ones for all of their issues, have always been responsible with their younger siblings and other such charges. I have to give them a 10 on a 10 point scale on that. </p>
<p>One thing to consider, and a reason to discourage such visits by high schoolers is the various state laws concerning the age of consent; aka, statutory rape laws. As the parent of a college-aged son, I would prefer not to have random underage girls sleeping over at colleges, and thus putting an additional burden on the male students to discern who is or isn’t old enough to consent. </p>
<p>What about underage girls who are students?</p>
<p>Underage girls should not engage in sexual activity with older men. If they’re mature enough to be studying at a college at a younger age than the majority of their peers, they should understand that they should not be galavanting with older men without sharing their age. </p>
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<p>LOL, did the same. “Call me tonight-FROM THEIR LAND LINE.” I also called the other parents to verify. Not every single time with families I knew well. But often enough that they knew it was always a possibility.</p>
<p>I’m surprised at all the parent posts questioning how anyone could give the OP a hard time about his “concern” when it was pretty clear this was a ■■■■■ post. The fact that the poster has been banned pretty much confirms it.</p>
<p>“Concern.” Yeah, right.</p>
<p>@ laxripper,
I agree with you. I am very liberal and open minded but also believe that moderation in most things are key. Often the girls that go the most wild may not have a very high self esteem or may not feel very loved at home. It takes years of interaction and counseling on the front end (usually just before middle school age 10 or so) to get the desired results by 17, and even then, there is no guaranteed results. By the time they are 17, we just have to hope that the lessons that we instilled and the rules that we set when they were younger have become internalized by them.</p>
<p>Rules for my D when younger:
- To have her iphone, she knew that we had the tracker device enabled, so that it could be checked for her location if necessary. We pay the iphone bill, data plan, texting plan.
- To have a facebook account etc, she had to have us parents as friends
- Up until age 17 or so, an adult must be in the house to wherever party or visit she was going to
- It was ok to drink alcohol (yes, the parents would supply it in HS and middle school), but she was required to either spend the night or call us parents for pick up
- Best to drink in moderation. Do not drink until blackout. 2 drinks are great. 8 drinks are terrible.
- Keep your drink in your hand so that no one can slip ruffies into it.
- Always have another girl buddy at the party. Keep an eye out for each other. Do not leave the girl buddy behind. She does the same for you.
- Set her up with birth control and condoms with instructions on their use.
- D knew that she could text us anytime, day or night, and we would pick her up, no questions asked.
- Could not go out in too revealing clothes. We live in LA, so the clothes would be moderately revealing, Just not too revealing which we usually judged during the purchase of the clothes (no butt cracks, no G-strings that ride above jeans etc.) We pay for the clothes.
- Usually were pretty restrictive about college frat parties when she was a HS senior because I know what goes on at frat parties (I was in a sorority in college). She would be attending frat parties soon enough and at her own college so that it would slightly curtail any actions due to possible embarrassment factor at seeing the kids again in school. This embarrassment factor is reduced if the girl is not forced to see the kids at college the next seek.</p>
<p>Lastly, yes, I know that all rules can be worked around by the kid. They just need to know what the parents’ expectations are. They will be choosing if they want to break it or not or follow it or not.</p>
<p>How does one know that a poster has been “banned”?</p>
<p>They usually disappear from threads. If you look at when they last posted, that can be a clue too. Several of us here suspect that this OP was the reincarnation of two recently banned posters who had the same antagonistic tone and writing style.</p>
<p>YoHoYoHo, I like your list. We have used a lot of the same rules.</p>
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<p>And older men should leave younger women alone. </p>
<p>How would a college student know what a 16 year old girl looks like when she does not look like a 16 year old? We’re not talking about 45 year old men here, thumper. At a given college party the men’s ages could range upwards to 25. </p>
<p>^^Yes, of course, but I don’t think a college sophomore should be expected to be able to tell a 16 yr old from an 18 yr old simply by looking at them. Especially if the 16 yr old is the type who wants to present herself as older.</p>
<p>I recall when a friend’s younger sister visited our college and went wild, resulting in my friend having to get the morning after pill for her, etc. No guy would be able to tell that she was underage without being told.</p>
<p>My point niquill…it’s not just the women who need to learn what is appropriate and what is not. It’s the men as well.</p>
<p>^^^^^^Yes, and the OP’s rage is directed only at the females and their parents. Not a word about males’ behavior or the “bad parenting” which fails to teach these men about proper treatment of young women.</p>