<p>I lie by omission a lot. I am a young mom and so let people think I’m older than I am. For instance, when people ask me what I do and I say, “I am in school,” they often take to mean I am in grad school when I’m really just in undergrad. If it becomes a real topic of conversation I will say, “Oh, no, just undergrad, I had a bit of a gap before going because I had my daughter early,” which also makes it sound like I’m a bit older than I am – suggesting that, without the gap, I would/could be in grad school. Well, I could now be applying to grad schools if I’d gone to college at eighteen. And if people ask my age, I will certainly tell them. I just don’t bring it up.</p>
<p>I think someone might easily lie about losing your job simply because to lose one’s job can be embarrassing. You just might not want to admit and have to explain about getting fired.</p>
<p>Xiggi–finally figured out the answer to your brain teaser that I’ve read about over the years. Thanks!</p>
<p>I admit I tell “white lies,” but am honest about all the rest. I never lie about my credentials (or lack thereof). Have not lied about the jobs I’ve held over time either. Agree that people don’t really want to hear in agonizing detail the “Too Much Info” summaries that some thrive on, which leads to more “white lies.”</p>
<p>I’ll admit to the occasional lie, especially to spare someone’s feelings. I try not to comment on something (like a new hairstyle) if it doesn’t look good. Occasionally, though, if someone else comments on it and I’m standing there, I feel compelled to comment, as well, and always in favor of a compliment. How does it help for me to tell someone their hair looks bad? </p>
<p>I’ve also told lies at home after cleaning/organizing. Say I had thrown something away that had not been used for a long period of time and, suddenly, DH goes looking for it, which is a rare occasion.<br>
DH: “Hey, do you know where that such-and-such is?”<br>
Me: “Gosh, no, I have no idea where that is” (because I really don’t know … maybe it’s at the dump across town, maybe it’s at the dump in the next county … no idea). I can’t tell you how many times I’ve picked up something I don’t recognize, taken it to DH to ask what it was only to hear, “I’m not sure, either, but we’d better hang on to it.” I say “okay” and then I toss it as soon as I’m out of his sight.</p>
<p>I did call in sick to work one day when I wasn’t “ill”. I was, however, “sick” and tired of my job.</p>
<p>I always lie. Even now :)</p>
<p>Just kidding. I am known as a very honest, straight shooter, so I take pride in trying to be forthright. I can not imagine ever making something up about myself. Yikes. </p>
<p>Being honest I think it has helped me professionally, but also with my relationships. Though I also want to be kind and make people feel good, or at least not needlessly bad (in real life only…because, for some reason, on CC I can be such a blunt jerk and not really care about people’s feelings). So being forthright yet also protecting people makes it tricky. </p>
<p>In recent years, for the sake of principle, I have tried to moved away from good-intentioned ‘white lies’ as much as I can muster. Especially where my kids and husband are concerned because being about to trust my words is so vital. Usually it requires some creativity to be general enough so as to be honest without really saying anything. Or not saying anything at all. So for example, I’m not always sure people really want honest feedback and so if it is regarding something they can’t do anything about or isn’t really important, and I sense they just want reassurance, I might find a way to be positive yet still truthful. So this way their feelings are spared, and I’m not lying (technically?).</p>
<p>Maybe this is just a rationalization on my part, or I’ve just been an academic for too many years, but how we define “lying” and “truth saying” is pretty complex and not at all black and white, once you start to think about it.</p>
<p>It’s often easy to find SOMETHING to compliment folks on & that will often disarm them & change the trend of the conversation away from whatever you were being asked to give an opinion about. I do try to do that rather than LIE, whenever possible. I try to spare feelings but provide feedback–it can be tricky.</p>
<p>Things I wouldn’t lie about: I wouldn’t say I run the place when I’m really just a lowly factotum; I wouldn’t say my jewelry was real if it’s not (but if you know jewelry you could tell just by looking); I wouldn’t say we’re still in the honeymoon stage of our marriage (after three decades, who is?); I wouldn’t say my kid had gotten into a school she hadn’t, or say she’d gotten a higher SAT score than she did (but really, why is anyone asking?). I’d never lie on a resume, job application, or tax form - though plenty of people obviously do.</p>
<p>Things I lie about all the time: how I’m feeling physically/mentally/emotionally (nice of you to ask, though); whether or not I’m busy this weekend; what color my hair really is; what I think of certain people’s hairdos, wardrobes, topics of conversation, or jokes; what I really think about many things, depending upon how much I trust, or don’t, the person I’m talking to.</p>
<p>Last year I happened upon an online newspaper article about our nephew, who had been arrested for felony drug possession and driving violations. (I grew up in the town where he lives and often read the hometown newspaper, so I wasn’t snooping.) He’d been in trouble since high school. My SIL, with whom I’m on good terms, had previously talked with me about his arrests, being kicked out of his dorm, other related problems. It was a shock to realize that she hadn’t wanted to share this information with us. We didn’t think about calling her and asking her about it; we respected their privacy and figured that, for some reason, she thought our response wouldn’t have been the kind of support she and her family needed/wanted in this situation. And I never felt lied to when I subsequently asked her how things were going and she answered “fine.” She doesn’t owe me the lowdown on what’s happening in her family.</p>
<p>I lie from time to time. I lied when we chose not to go to a wedding a couple of months ago , or maybe exaggerated the reason we couldn’t attend. </p>
<p>I lie and say I don’t have money sometimes …because I have it allocated for other things …necessary things.</p>
<p>Sometimes , it seems like telling a lie is more polite than telling the truth…at least when it comes to certain social gatherings that we aren’t comfortable with</p>
<p>Years ago, when our D found out that we had been lying to her about the existence of Santa Claus and the Tooth fairy, she was so upset and angry that she went on a rage and tore up all the letters from both that she had saved over the years(letters that my H had written in his best “fancy” handwriting, which was quite a challenge, believe me). D and I were talking about it over the winter break and she told me that it was the betrayal she felt at being lied to by her parents that sent her over the edge. I think it really was a traumatic moment for her. We thought we were just indulging in a little childhood fantasy, but she didn’t see it that way.</p>
<p>A long while back, I knew a fellow just back from fighting in Vietnam. He was 30 but had an angelic babyface that made people think he was 20. They were always accusing HIM of lying when he said he was 30. So upon his return from the war, he changed his resume and DOB to read as a 20-year-old who’d never been overseas. He said he took 10 years off his life; nobody disbelieved him any more, and he didn’t have to explain where he’d been for the past years, either.</p>
<p>I lie as little as possible. Sometimes there are white lies or lies of omission (especially to my mom, who worries a lot), but even that is hard for me. Even if I believed lies were ok, it would be too hard to keep track of it all.</p>
<p>My kids find it easier to lie. Usually they are lies of omission. Sometimes the lies are to help them get away with something we’d dissapprove… but sometimes it is to keep me calm (I’m a worrier too).</p>
<p>I made a decision several years ago not to lie anymore. I used to do it quite a lot to get out of invitations, to call in sick to work, to not insult someone’s hairdo, etc. I thought I was being kind…not to make someone feel uncomfortable. However, I found that people mostly knew something was a lie anyway, and they didn’t feel that much better about the lie than they would have if I had just told the truth.</p>
<p>So now I am honest. It is a conscious choice. That doesn’t mean I don’t omit answering sometimes when I can. Or that I don’t try to find something positive to say something positive instead of blurting out the cruel truth (such as the hairdo). However, I have found that most people can accept that I might have “other plans” or “really need a night alone with my husband since I have been gone most nights this week” as an excuse not to attend a party (of course this needs to happen ahead of time…not rudely at the last minute!). Most people have felt those same things, too, and can respect that it is not necessarily a rejection of them.**</p>
<p>This decision not to lie has also lead to me having to “man-up” sometimes. If I really don’t feel like going somewhere, but said I would…I will not lie to get out of it. I just go ahead, put on my big girl panties and do what I said I would.</p>
<p>All in all, I feel better about myself, and don’t have to remember to cover my tracks. It has not decreased the amount of true friends I have…on the contrary, I feel people know that I am a straight shooter. My cardinal rule is always to be kind in the truth.</p>
<p>**As a side note: I find it funny how people always tell you “you need to take care of yourself first…you need to learn how to say ‘no’”…however, they don’t necessarily always understand when you say ‘no’ to THEM! :D</p>
<p>^^^ nicksmtmom, Glad to hear you can “man up” by puttin’ on the big girl panties!</p>
<p>I’ve been lying to my Dad in order to keep him from driving until MVA sends him his letter to have his driving reevaluated.</p>
<p>I’ve had to disable his car and lie about not being able to fix it in order to keep him off the road.</p>
<p>I should add he has Alzheimer’s</p>
<p>That’s a tough situation but you are performing a public service, Wharfrat2! </p>
<p>An aunt stopped driving after she accidentally killed a pedestrian (I think the sun was in her eyes, but she was an older driver–70s, I think). HI has a ton of drivers in their 70s & 80s–really scary, especially with the young teen/adult drivers too.</p>
<p>It’s scary that so many are able to continue driving without any inquiry on continuing ability. I think if many were required to retake the road test even every 5 or 10 years, there would be a lot fewer dangerous drivers on the road.</p>
<p>I wish I could say the reevaluation is routinely required by the state but it isn’t. We had to get creaive when he wouldn’t voluntarily give up driving. I kept digging and asking until I found someone who would help us get the ball rolling.</p>
<p>
I think that there is what ya call a mixed metaphor. :o</p>
<p>No, I generally don’t lie. I’d only have to confess afterward because I’d feel like scum, and confession is worse than telling an unpleasant truth to begin with. A good friend recently told me that she loves my compliments because she knows I wouldn’t say it if it weren’t completely true! My friends know me to be sincere and trustworthy. Those qualities do intimidate plenty of other people,though.</p>
<p>In the toddler temper tantrum years, being truthful cost me. Still, I really hated to see parents take the short cut with disciplining their children. Rather than just tell the child he couldn’t have any more cookies, they’d lie and say the cookies were all gone. I felt they weren’t teaching the child true self-control that way. So I think my kids also can trust me to tell them the truth.</p>
<p>The flip side is that despite my best efforts to be good and kind, I don’t always keep quiet when I should say nothing, and when I do feel compelled to speak the truth, I don’t always do it as lovingly as I should.</p>
<p>It’s so true that there is a delicate balancing act between being honest and being rude. I used to have a friend who would say rude things under the “banner” of just being honest. Honesty shouldn’t leave someone “smarting” while you feel virtuous about your honesty. That’s where the “if you can’t say something nice…” part comes in.</p>
<p>I guess we all learn that by trial and error (and gray hairs!).</p>
<p>I didn’t read this thread before; I try to be forthright in my life, though I am sometimes guilty of lying by omission. Lately though, my father has been dealing with big health issues and my mom is losing her mind. (I hope not literally.) Yesterday I told her that I had researched one of his problems on the internet and that it would likely take care of itself. In fact, I had not done any real research. She has enough to worry about and I hope this particular problem will take care of itself. This is my confession; I guess I feel guilty.</p>