<p>I just had a really interesting conversation with a friend who told me that her life was a lie. She told me how she greatly exaggerated her accomplishments to her friends and even her children. She said she is insecure and tried to make herself look better to others by inflating the importance and success of her jobs. She even told people that she was working when she had lost her job. She is feeling really down on herself and like a phony. I told her that the best thing to do is to come clean. What do you think?</p>
<p>That got us into a really deep conversation about truth and lies.</p>
<p>So…do you tell the truth about everything without exaggeration?</p>
<p>Thinking about your friend - it’s fine to “come clean” if that’s what she wants to do. She doesn’t owe anyone (other than her spouse and some family members) an explanation of her employment situation, though. If she lied to family members or close friends about having lost her job, I can see why they’d be hurt. If she merely put the best possible face on her situation in casual encounters with people she doesn’t know well, that could be considered polite conversation. If she’s concerned that people will pity her or gloat over her misfortune behind her back - well, she’s not obligated to give them something to talk about.</p>
<p>Many people greatly exaggerate their own/their children’s accomplishments, but I believe that a good number of them genuinely believe they’re telling the truth about how significant those accomplishments are. And I believe that it’s a time-honored American professional strategy to “inflate the importance and success” of one’s past jobs - on resumes especially.</p>
<p>Nope. The most I would do is not to say anything. </p>
<p>I toldmy friends where D1 was applying to schools. When she didn´t get in to some schools, I told them too.</p>
<p>I have lost my job few times. I told people, but I didn´t tell people we were strapped.</p>
<p>When friends sometimes asked us to participate in events that cost too much for us, I would say we were busy, instead of saying we couldn´t afford it (is that lying?).</p>
<p>I don´t like to lie and I don´t like people who lie, but at the same time I don´t think it is necessary to tell people everything about yourself either (too much information). I really don´t need to know blow by blow about someone´s medical issue or their personal problem with their spouse, boss, or financial problem.</p>
<p>My next lie will be to handle these sorts of situations: Friend calls up and says they are celebrating wife’s birthday–are you busy next Saturday around 7? We’d like to invite you to dinner. Yes, we can make it. Good–meet us at xxxxx restaurant, there will be 8 of us.
Now I’ve said yes already, and it’s a VERY expensive restaurant, and, you guessed it, the bill was split between all the couples, with plenty of drinks, appetizers, etc. Plus, of course, I bought a gift since these are very good friends. Lesson learned. We’re busy next time. So yes, lies are important.</p>
<p>Another lie: D gets asked out by someone when she is 15. It’s a group sort of date, but she doesn’t really like the kid as a boyfriend, doesn’t want to hurt his feelings. Tell him your mom won’t let you go on dates. Blame mom.</p>
<p>And then there are the classic lies of omission we are all guilty of regarding our activities during our college years and young 20’s. ;)</p>
<p>Sopranomom, I had that same thing happen to me once. There was even a mailed invitation involved! I didn’t have enough cash and they weren’t taking cards, so I ran over off to an ATM using the excuse that I had to make a phone call.</p>
<p>I lie. Not huge lies, but I lie. I’ve been known to duck out of the office a little early to “take H to pick up his car at the shop” when I was really heading for the park to run. I could probably come up with more examples.</p>
<p>I think the difference is my life is not based on a lie. I dont tell everyone everything, but I dont substitute a lie for these. I think my lies are mostly of omission. I really hate lying and being lied to. I think it takes more energy to lie and I like to live an authentic life. So I am what I am, take me or leave me. Have I never lied No, do I feel good about it no.</p>
<p>I confess, I will tell any lie necessary to be spared the details of anyone else’s latest surgery…I am not a medical person and it creeps me out ever since one co-worker actually brought in photos to share! I was on the phone earlier with a friend in FL who was describing her recent procedure in great detail. I tried to change the subject, to no avail, but then “accidentally” dropped the call. I immediately launched into a story about my kids when she called back and, thankfully, she never got around to finishing her story. I don’t feel bad about doing any of that…some people just share waaayyy too much!</p>
<p>We had a girl at work once that is like 20 or 21 and this customer on the phone asked her how old she was. She said she was 20 or so and the customer demanded to speak with someone else - they told her she wasn’t old enough to be qualified to answer her question. She told them she had been working there for 3 years while going to college and that she was fully qualified. They refused to speak with her so she transferred them to another coworker. Wound up speaking to a gentleman who was in his 50’s, which delighted the customer. Funny thing was, that guy only just started there about 5 or 6 months ago at that point! She was like next time somebody asks me my age I’m going to say 30!</p>
<p>There are lies, white lies, statistics, and omission of information. I never volunteer information unless I’m asked to But fudge on one’s resume can mean a huge karma bite in the rear. I never do that - my resume has no embellishments. Fudging up scientific data can mean death to your career - and I’m not suicidal. However, when it comes to household stuff…</p>
<p>“Honey, nice shoes - your legs look great in them! Are they new?”
“Nope, I had them for a while!” (“a while” as since yesterday :))</p>
<p>In my shopping manual, the definition is very clear: “A while” - a tme period longer than 1 hour; in some embodiments, longer than 24 hours, etc."</p>
<p>A long time ago, a friend taught me how to get out of invites without actually lying. You say: “I’m sorry, but I have other plans that evening.” You don’t need to add that your “other plans” are watching TV in your jammies. With practice, you can say it in a certain way that forbids them to ask what the plans are. Works like a charm. :)</p>
<p>The OP was not discussing little, white lies. Losing a job can be a big, big deal. It is not surprising that someone tried to avoid this issue and lied. They could probably use some sympathy and a shoulder to cry on.</p>
<p>Other individuals are pathological liars and will use any means including lying to try to elevate their status and importance. We all do this to some extent, but there are individuals for whom the respect of others is vastly important. These individuals also tend to be cheats. I belong to several clubs where we have competitions. Prizes are usually tinkets; i.e., ribbons, or at best a cheap plastic trophy. It is hard to understand what satisfaction they gain. Of course, it doesn’t take long for most of us to realize who is cheating. That seems to make it worse. Other club members avoid the cheats and they work even harder for attention. Yes, there do seem to be many people who live in a world of lying and cheating. </p>
<p>The liars and cheats of the world seem to crave the esteem and praise of others. Next time you offer up praise to a friend, relative, or child, consider the emotion you are feeding and the possible consequences. Praise is not always a good thing.</p>
I agree! Perhaps the OP’s friend was lying about losing her job to exaggerate her own importance. But perhaps she felt she wouldn’t receive sympathy and a shoulder to cry on if she told others she’d lost her job, but would instead be pitied and gossiped about. How forthcoming is one supposed to be - professionally and otherwise - about matters that most would consider personal?</p>
<p>If your marriage hits a significant rough spot, your kid has just been arrested for a DWI, or your latest project at work fails and your boss puts you on probation, I don’t think it’s lying to present a happy public face. It’s challenging enough to have to deal with that crap in private. I think informing people on a need-to-know basis about personal misfortune is the practical way to go, and completely defensible.</p>
<p>I agree that there are pathological liars who seem unable to stop themselves.</p>
</p>
I was on the phone earlier with a friend in FL who was describing her recent procedure in great detail. I tried to change the subject, to no avail, but then “accidentally” dropped the call. I immediately launched into a story about my kids when she called back and, thankfully, she never got around to finishing her story. I don’t feel bad about doing any of that…some people just share waaayyy too much!</p>