<p>Bookworm: It has been 15 years for me. And like you, initially I was very busy with young children. And I think that it saved me. I HAD to get up every morning and run a family. But in quiet times I miss them. I too carry the burden of guilt of the what ifs…But I was lucky. My kids’ pediatrician told me that if I had “something” to tell my mother, now might be a good time. I was able to tell her that I was proud to be her daughter and that I loved her. Now, I always tell my husband and my children that I love them when we say good bye or good night.</p>
<p>But now, it is inconceivable that I will never hear their voices again or see their faces. And the makes the missing all the more poignant. And for me, since I am an only “child” and didn’t have cousins or aunts and uncles there is no one to share memories of childhood. There is no one left to remember.</p>
<p>I miss my mom and dad. My dad died when I was in college, so never met my H or my children. My mom died 12 years later. She knew my H, but not my children. I wish my kids knew them. I loved them a lot.</p>
<p>My parents have been gone 11/12 years & I miss them every day. They were 63 & 64 when they passed away, both from cancer, exactly 364 days apart. I wish they could have shared some of the milestones: Eagle Scout, proms, graduations, future weddings. I wish they were still here to give me advice for some of the hard times. OTOH, they were spared many things, such as the tragedy of 9/11, the economic meltdown, and the wars - things which would have terribly distressed them. For that, I am grateful.</p>
That. I will occasionally see a man who reminds me of my dad in the way he moves or speaks and it’s a physical reaction for me. We had had a complicated relationship in some ways (he came of age in the early 1940s, fought in WWII, Korea and Vietnam, but I came of age in the middle 1980s), but had come to a real peace and understanding in his last years. He was a wonderful grandfather and I’m glad that he got to meet my kids. Don’t think I’m nuts, but I haven’t yet been able to bring myself to delete his number from my phone.</p>
<p>My Moms been gone almost 10 years and I still miss her. She was a teacher and would have been so proud to see my son give the commencement speech. Dad was there, so we feel blessed to still have him with us and in good health. He celebrates his 85th birthday this month. </p>
<p>Ellebud, my son has said that he wishes he had a sibling, because when I go, that’s “it” for him. He knows that my sister called often when I was dealing with my dad after mom died. Even tho the worm has cousins, he doesn’t have any with close feelings. </p>
<p>We didn’t know better, so the worm wrote his college essay about losing his GM, watching his GF fall apart, his mom drop to 85#, learning to drive taking his GF to doctor appointments, & comprehending the grandparents’ stories of serving in WW2 (medical staff). I had not realized how much I had deserted him that year, but I didn’t change a word of his essay. Looking back, I did the absolute best that I could.</p>
<p>College search was done in 12 hours. Visits occured after acceptances.</p>
<p>ZM–no need to delete that phone number, IMHO. I work with some elderly patients, and I know how much they appreciate my respect and care for them. One client’s husband served with my dad; even as she falls into dementia, she never forgets that fact.</p>
<p>My parents are still living, but my mom had a stroke about 3 years ago and her personality changed–that was a type of death. I can’t really converse with mom like I used to, though I do talk to her once a week. I’ve lived far away from her most of the time since I was 17 and we’ve never been close. Still, she is(was) an admirable woman who has received multiple awards for her lifetime of work with and on behalf of the disabled. She has a terminal illness, and was in a drug study with Mayo clinic. She has just been removed from the study due to negative side effects of the drug (which helped her very much in other ways). I feel that her death has just been brought closer. She recently had her 75th birthday, which may have been her last. I live far away and have my own big family and was unable to attend. I feel bad about that, but mom probably doesn’t care much. I have 6 siblings + their kids who live closer, and enough of them showed up to make a party. Dad had two heart attacks/bypass surgeries in his 50s. Never thought he’d make it to 70 and he’s nearly 78 now–going through his second bout of cancer (not serious). His memory and hearing aren’t what they used to be, but he’s in pretty good shape, considering. I wish that my kids had been able to grow up near their grandparents–especially my dad–he is an engineer/handyman/gardener/artist and could’ve taught them a lot of practical skills and shared a lot of stories. My dad was sort of mean when we were young–he completely mellowed out after the heart attacks and started appreciating life. H’s parents are deceased. His mom died unexpectedly of a heart attack at 63–never met most of her grandchildren.
His dad died at 81 of heart failure after a stroke. After months of useless medical treatments, he died at home with his family surrounding him–it was a peaceful death in the end. I don’t miss him. To be honest, he wasn’t an admirable person–he was a good example of a bad example. H also has 6 siblings, and we’ve been fortunate, since we live far away, that we have siblings to look out for our parents.</p>
<p>I don’t miss either of my parents and I miss that I don’t miss them. I have one sister and if I never see her ever again, that would be fine. OTOH, I miss my grandma terribly. We just moved my 90 year old aunt into an apt near us and I took down the portrait of my grandma from my dining room wall and we’re going to put it up in her new place so her mama can be with her. I will miss her terribly when she passes.</p>
<p>H misses his dad, who died before we married. His mom is still alive and I will miss her when she passes.</p>
<p>My dad passed in 1990 and I miss him every day. I am sad that my kids didn’t get to know him; he would have adored them & I think they would have enjoyed his company as much as I did. My understanding of unconditional love came directly from my dad. He was well read, with a dry sense of humor & sense of humility and responsibility. </p>
<p>My mom is still p.o’d that I got along better with him than her and will try to “throw him under the bus” about once a week when we’re together.</p>
<p>My father died 7 years ago and my mother was so devastated that I never got to mourn him. I’m an only child and I had to be the sole source of strength and support for her, while also being the mom of a high school freshman at the time. I was the “bad guy” because I forced my mother to learn how to be independent after a lifetime of being taken care of (first by her parents and then my father). </p>
<p>She could break down and miss my father; I did not have that luxury. Sometimes it really sucks to be the strong one. My mother now appreciates everything I did and we do have a good relationship.</p>
<p>I do miss my mother. She has been gone almost eight years now and I still miss her.<br>
My Dad died when I was in sixth grade. My older sibs were already out of the house so Mom and I were a team for years. Even now I keep thinking of things I wish I had asked her.</p>
<p>My mother was the youngest of 10 children. After she died her sister, my aunt, has become the only one of their siblings left, and their parents died long ago. I think that being the <em>only one</em> who remembers their childhood and their mother is very hard on her. She and my mom were very close, and 2 1/2 years after my mom died my aunt still can’t talk about her without crying. She’s clearly depressed, and I think it’s because she is the last member of her immediate family left. Despite having a wonderful husband and loving children and grandchildren, she’s lonely.</p>
<p>My father is still alive. My mother died almost 16 years ago very suddenly and within a couple of weeks before I gave birth to my second child. Due to that my second’s first month or so of life is a blur to me as I was so immersed in grief (and probably hormones). I sometimes ache with missing her and particularly mourn that she did not get to meet her second and third grandchildren. My oldest was the absolute joy of her life and I know she would have adored the other two as well and would have been a fantastic grandma. I have tears in my eyes just writing this.</p>
<p>Yes, I do. My father died at age 59, more than 25 years ago. He would have loved my son dearly. In fact, he only knew three of his ten grandchildren–all wonderful young adults now. He was a complicated person, but brilliant, funny, and loving toward his children. My mother died this year. After a debilitating stroke she had about two “good” years, and then her life was progressively more miserable. Those six years seemed like forever. I was knitting the other day and realized that I miss her when I get crafty. She didn’t knit, but she did other creative things, and she always appreciated my knitting–everything was a wondrous masterpiece in her eyes.</p>
<p>My parents weren’t perfect, but as a parent I hope I learned from their imperfections. At my mother’s funeral, friends of my siblings and me spoke of how warm and welcoming our home was because of our parents. For some of them, our house was literally a refuge. You could debate politics, guys could have long hair, there was always room at the table and the food was great, we laughed a lot, and there was a pervasive feeling of kindness toward fellow humans (and dogs, who were considered people!). Hearing those memories meant a lot to me. I don’t see my parents through rose-colored glasses, but I do treasure all that they gave me.</p>
<p>I miss my grandparents, too. We had a three-generation household beginning when I was about 5, so they were very important to me. My grandfather was a WWI vet who never talked about it much. I’ve done some research about where he was and what he did (army field hospital, treating mustard gas victims–very grim), and that’s added a new dimension.</p>
<p>I didn’t have any grandparents and it makes me very sad that, since I’m so much younger than my siblings, I could be the last man standing all alone. This is a depressing but deeply cathartic thread.</p>
<p>My father died 27 years ago, at a very young age, and a couple of weeks after the birth of D2. It was a terrible time that is really still all a blur to me. He was a very difficult man and, in some ways, I think that made the mourning even more difficult for all of us. He only got to know D1, his first grandchild but she was very young and has little memory of him. His death was due to a combination of bad genes and very bad personal choices, and he has missed out on a lot in the intervening years. I’m not sure that I really miss him, but I miss the person that I wish he had been.</p>
<p>My mother is still alive and going strong. She and my stepdad are healthy and have more energy in their 80s than most people I know who are my age. They still run a business, travel extensively, have a wide circle of friends and enjoy their grandchildren and great-grandchild. For the past couple of years, whenever I’m visiting or speaking with my mom, we talk about family history and I’ve been documenting it because once she’s gone, that will be it for anyone who knows all that she knows. Both of my parents were only children so the extended family is small. I always keep a voicemail on my phone from my mom. I don’t ever want to be in a position where I forget her voice, so it’s there, just in case. We all get together for every holiday and I always make an effort to make the time a happy one because I realize, from what happened to my father, that you never know which time will be the last. This is timely because this weekend, I’ll have a houseful, all of us here to celebrate Canadian Thanksgiving. :)</p>
<p>p.s. I miss my grandmother every day. She was the only grandparent I ever had and we were very close. She was an interesting, well-read, and well-travelled career woman which was unusual in her day. I’m thankful that she lived long enough to know my children and they have memories of her.</p>