<p>All my kids went through periods where they hid and lied about things they knew I would not agree to. It made for some trying periods with a couple of them. We are now at a point where they are all very honest with me. Sometimes I feel they share way too much. What gets awkward is at times they share things with me they don’t want their Dad to know. </p>
<p>Missy pie- I have been in your shoes. It is painful to watch someone you love be so destructive. I have 1 who smokes. She knows I hate it. I used to constantly remind her how much I hated it. How destructive it is to her health. She eventually told me that she knew the facts and would quit when the time was right for her and she didn’t plan on smoking indefinitely. I came to realize that I was doing damage to the relationship by always bringing it up. She is respectful of her young cousins and her grandparents and will not smoke in front of them. I do notice she smokes much less now. She does not smoke in our house or our cars. She knows that is not an option. She gets her health insurance from her work.
In your case I think you can set boundaries for your home, your vehicles and your money. You can set boundaries of not smoking around you. To forbid it all together is to force her to lie.
More serious drugs and destructive behaviors. If a child drives your car you can take the car away. Not as a punishment but as the responsible thing to do. To not provide a car to someone who could hurt innocent people.
My stance became- I am willing to support you as long as you do the next right thing. If you have depression and anxiety or addiction I am willing to help you get help.
Also I know to not make threats of punishment I am not willing to follow through on.</p>