<p>My son goes to Tufts. Has made deans list every semester. He’s a junior. He’s very involved at school and he’s got a tough major, always takes extra classes so he may even graduate early. We knew he’d work hard, always has, but I know it takes a lot of hard work to keep all the plates spinning in the air. Of course we tell him how proud we are, and yes we pay that tuition bill every time it comes in. Aside from birthdays or xmas, we aren’t don’t shower him with gifts. </p>
<p>Do any of you, short of saying “good job!” do anything to show your student how proud you are? We could write him a letter telling him just how proud we are, it doesn’t have to be a monetary thing…</p>
<p>I think either verbal congratulations or a letter is fine; I just wouldn’t give an actual gift–monetary or otherwise–before graduation. The focus should be on the good feeling one gets from working hard and seeing results, and I think that giving a gift changes the focus away from that.</p>
<p>When we’re all together, we do go out to a not-too-expensive dinner to celebrate the achievements of our kids - but not necessarily for each time they make the Dean’s List (cuz we kind of expect that…LOL) </p>
<p>Of course, when grades come out, we do verbally praise their achievements. </p>
<p>The focus should be on the good feeling one gets from working hard and seeing results</p>
<p>I agree, but a warm-hearted “attaboy” is good, too.</p>
<p>When my d., who was a homeschooler, first made the Dean’s List at college, she received an e-mail from the Dean’s office. She called us to tell us she thought she might be in trouble. (She has since been “in trouble” every semester.)</p>
<p>We never rewarded Dean’s List (or grades in K-12 either). We always congratulate the kids or tell them we are proud of their achievements and that is about it. And truthfully with things like Dean’s List, it is in the realm of expectations (though I would never be upset if they didn’t make it). I just can think of bigger achievements and even then, we don’t really give rewards. But we do celebrate things like graduations and stuff of that nature. Overall, when they achieve something really great, we tell them how proud we are and are happy for them and stuff like that. </p>
<p>I do have a kid in the performing arts, and so when she has an opening of a show, we do often bring a memento type gift as we did last week when her original musical opened in NYC, but the gift was more tied to the “theme” and we’ve done that for years and she has a sort of collection of mementos related to shows she has done.</p>
<p>The standard at our house always has been, and will continue to be, “try your best.” What external accolades do or don’t come with this is largely irrelevant. </p>
<p>Confession: Bit disingenuous on our part however as the kids know that we know that they know that they are smart enough to attain the external accolades if they do indeed try their best :D.</p>
<p>We don’t specifically reward Dean’s List other than with a congratulations. But D knows that we are more likely to say yes to “fun stuff” requests, like this spring break trip she’s taking, or a few more bucks to go see a show or something, if she’s fulfilling her academic responsibilities. (She’s made Dean’s List for all 7 semesters.)</p>
<p>We don’t reward, but we always make a big deal out of it by letting them know how proud we are and telling grandparents and other family members. They seem to appreciate it. I would hope by now that being on the list would be reward enough.</p>
<p>I use to offer lots of verbal praise. My sister encouraged me to try something tangible, in addition to the praise. (That was her style.) The gift wan’t linked to the grades, but to effort. Sometime they were thank yous for solving my (or my friends) computer problems, or driving his grandfather to dialysis. Often, they were “just because” gifts. When he lived with me, a gift could be dinner out or a computer game. Now, I’ll tell him to eat a nice dinner, charging the meal to me. I like the idea of a letter. I’ve sent e-mails and sentimental cards. Thanks to the CC community, now I’ve sent packages from Dancing Deers and Rosie’s cookies.</p>
<p>When son graduated college, he couldn’t think of something special he wanted. Two years later, he asked if he could buy a watch. He was in Zurich at the time, so had fun shopping.</p>
<p>Son seldom gives me a physical gift, but I know it made him happy to buy me a Kindle. What I treasure most is a few cards he sent me, thanking me for sending him to college or for being “a comfort”.</p>
<p>In the end, it is the words that matter most.</p>
<p>I have shamelessly spoiled my son all his life. Somehow, magically, he has turned out to be a polite, modest, frugal young man. However, I do buy him special gifts for big accomplishments–not every single one, but often. And I wax hyperbolic in telling him how proud I am.</p>
<p>I guess my only redeeming characteristic in all this is that I have had high expectations for my son.</p>
<p>*We don’t specifically reward Dean’s List other than with a congratulations. But D knows that we are more likely to say yes to “fun stuff” requests, like this spring break trip she’s taking, *</p>
<p>I hear ya! When S2 asked to go to Nicaragua for spring break (it’s actually somewhat school related), we didn’t hesitate with agreeing to pay since he’s such a good student. S1 will graduate in May having been on the President’s list all 8 semesters (all A’s) and S2 will likely repeat the feat when he graduates. (At their university, Dean’s List is 3.5 - 3.99…and President’s List is 4.0 (All A’s) Oh, and when you graduate with all A’s, you wear a red cap at graduation. Pretty cool. )</p>
<p>*Confession: Bit disingenuous on our part however as the kids know that we know that they know that they are smart enough to attain the external accolades if they do indeed try their best . *</p>
<p>LOL…same here. but, hey, it works: “I just want you to do your best” and voila! </p>
<p>I think we all like to reward/encourage responsible and hard-working efforts. Right?</p>
<p>Both boys have been on Dean’s List every semester. They get lots of praise from us, no gifts.</p>
<p>When they stay focused and do well (which they do) it makes it easier to “reward” them year round, when they ask for things…spring break trips, etc…</p>
<p>Accomplishment is the reward. We have never ever (even in grade school) rewarded good effort or accomplishment. She graduated Magna as an undergrad and is about to graduate Summa as a grad.</p>
<p>But if that is what your kid is used to…go with it.</p>
<p>We never rewarded Dean’s list but then we also never rewarded honor roll in high school or getting all A’s in elementary school. We did take our kids out to dinner to celebrate the LAST day of school every year…regardless of their grades.</p>