It looked like everyone was just going to dig in, so I made a toast and said I was thankful to have the family together. (DH’s side anyway.) Everyone grunted assent and then we ate. 
Getting all that on the table and people gathered around is a lot of work! So I appreciate being able to sit in silence together for a few minutes after the flurry of activity, and say a few words of joy at having everyone present in my home and contributing to the meal and our time together. Being of atheist background, I used to be afraid of offending. These days, my house, my rules and I think we all do well with a little pause to reflect.
We have a series of “family blessings” that were traditional from different sides of the family. Two are sung and two are recited. The head of the table might ask someone if they want to choose a blessing and that person usually chooses one of those but could go off on their own if they wanted to. (nobody ever has to my knowledge) Yesterday we were at my sister and BIL’s place and BIL asked me to start. They are done out of reverence and tradition more than specific religious fervor. And, after all, we are thankful for our meal regardless. We always did a blessing at dinner growing up but it was the same. Never a prayer made up on the spot.
Sung:
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For health and strength and daily bread we praise they name o Lord. Amen.
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Evening is here, the board is spread. Thanks be to God for this good bread. Amen.
Recited:
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Bless us o Lord and these, thy gifts, which from thy bounty we are about to receive. In the name of the Father, Son and Holy Ghost . . . Amen.
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Be present at our table Lord. Be here and everywhere adored. These mercies blessed and grant that we may feast in paradise with Thee. Amen.
My BIL in years past has tried his family thing of going around the table but it always feels too much like putting people on the spot and he discontinued it. We did have a nice dinner table conversation that included the idea of “reverence” and that sometimes you participate in cultural rituals and traditions that are overtly religious or based in religion out of a sense of reverence even if you are not a word for word believer. There is something about some of the liturgical rituals that can help to create a “sacred space” no matter how you interpret the details.
We’re a “mixed” marriage–evangelical married to an atheist. I pray before our meals, very, very briefly, and my husband just sits there, sometimes making funny signs with his hands and saying “ohm” instead of “amen” at the end. For Thanksgiving, I asked my son to say the blessing (briefly, of course–it’s about thanking God, not showing off how religious we are.) Long prayers are for congregations and for one’s private prayer life.
@saintfan, my family used to sing #2 of your spoken prayers, only the words we used were “Be present at our table, Lord; Be here and everywhere adored; Thy creatures bless, and grant that we may feast in fellowship with Thee. Amen” It was sung to the tune of “Praise God from Whom All Blessings Flow.”
I find that singing a table grace is a little easier on atheists/agnostics and guests of other religions, because there is no pressure on them to do anything except be quiet.
As more and more people become atheists, we’re going to have more and more obnoxious atheists. And we’ll have more and more atheists overreacting to years of being told they are evil people who can’t possibly have any morals.
When the militant atheists get to be up to one one-thousandth of the size of the the proselytizing religionists, let us know. For example, alert me when an atheist running for President says that Christians/Muslims/Jews/whatever are not fit for public office. I’ve heard numerous times that I’m not fit for higher office because of my religious views, and I’m sick of it. (Those bigots are half right, though: I’m surely not fit to be an elected official. 
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I find that there are those who shove their atheist views down people’s throats the same way they accuse others of doing with belief in a higher power.
At the gathering we attended, a child said a lovely grace while all we stood in the kitchen preparing to load our plates. It was well received by all and I don’t think Jesus was mentioned.
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I agree. And, frankly, it makes little sense for non-believers to get panties in a bunch. If they think there is no God, then why care that others do? There seems to be a real anger aspect going on, which goes deeper than just, “I don’t believe that.”
I do think that when Christian and non-Christian believers are gathered together, it’s better to just use terms that include all believers…God, Lord, etc. Even in my own home, I would not subject my Jewish family members or friends to “holding hands” and then springing the words, “Jesus Christ.” That’s just not cool.
I don’t. I care when others pray in my name-- don’t sign my name to something I didn’t agree to. And I care when Christians pester me to join their religion. And I care when I hear, yet again, that I must lack moral principles because I’m an atheist.
mom2collegekids, would it make you mad if I said that Christians, by the very fact of being Christian, are immoral and unfit for public office? I hear this about atheists all the time. Do you expect me to feel differently when my beliefs are insulted than what you would feel if your beliefs were insulted?
I totally get two and three. But on number one, how are they supposed to pray as a group and manage not include you, even if only inadvertently? For example, “Dear Lord, we thank you for this food and all of our blessings. In your name we pray, amen.” So you are included in “We.” How is the praying one supposed to avoid that so as not to offend the atheists present?
I actually object to the lumping of “Christians” into one group. My church affiliation (Episcopal) bears little resemblance to the churches that seem to be so objectionable to liberals and atheists. We don’t even try to convert people! It took us all quite awhile to get comfortable holding hands in church for the Peace!
I’ve been an atheist for most of my life; I’m even quite educated about my beliefs. But I’ve never been “militant” about them, and I don’t associate with anyone who is. I don’t even know anyone who is. People do question my atheism from time to time, but it’s no big deal. I answer politely.
I will, when I’m with friends and family, express my frustration with various religious groups – but that’s usually limited to their behavior, rather than their faith. Like I disapprove of some things the Westboro people do; but I imagine most of them are very nice people in other contexts.
Some of you might recall that I live in the heart of the heart of Mormon country. It’s a strange place for an atheist to live, I suppose, but I’m an academic, and we go where the jobs are. What you learn in a situation like that, if you don’t know it already, is that folks really are just folks.
I think I’d be horrified if I saw an atheist going after my neighbors just for being religious. It would be as repugnant as yelling at someone for being Hispanic.
I understand the problem but I ask you to consider how I feel. Suppose you’re at my house for dinner. It’s one thing if, at the beginning of the meal, I say, “Mr. Fang, Fang Jr. and I don’t believe in God and don’t believe in prayer, but we are glad to gather together to celebrate this festive season…” Fine, right? I don’t believe, but I didn’t include you in my disbelief.
But suppose I instead said, “As we gather around this table, let us join hands. We don’t believe gods exist, we reject prayer as meaningless noises to an imaginary friend, but we are glad to get together to celebrate this festive season…” And then when you objected, suppose I blandly, disingenuously said, “Oh, I didn’t mean you.. What’s your problem? Why are you getting your panties in a bunch?” Would you think that was fine?
Or how would you feel if someone started a group prayer, and then all of a sudden started praying for something you thought was terrible and evil: “Dear Lord, we thank you for this food and all of our blessings. We ask you to send leprosy to all homosexuals…” Would that be a problem, or would you think that was fine?
I have never heard a blessing from any faith tradition that wished ill on any group. Maybe they exist but it seems unlikely that in most gatherings anyone would offer up a blessing that one couldn’t must substitute their own deity or the universe or just eliminate any supreme powers and just be thankful for all that we are about to receive. How hard it that? Maybe some people go on at length and with specifics but most blessings of any kind that I’ve heard are pretty benign. Why not just use the opportunity to be thankful in general?
It’s impossible to read this thread without hearing this song in my head. Please give a listen to the exquisite lyrics of Dar Williams (and hopefully you’ll smile too):
Love it and love the Yule log! I saw on Amazon that one can buy a whole Yule log DVD.