<p>I appreciate all the responses…I tend to not go on and on about my kids but what I find is that others do. Which leaves me feeling that my kids aren’t doing as well socially, academically etc. I guess what I’ve heard from a lot of you is that people really don’t tell the entire story even when they brag - they leave out some of the negative and exaggerate much of the positive. My DH often says and he is probably right that “you never know what is going on behind closed doors.”</p>
<p>I like to hear good things about peoples kids. I do not feel it diminishes my kid in any way. I could never understand why people think when something great happens to someone else it somehow reflects negatively on them.</p>
<p>If something bad happens to another persons child it sure does not bring me any joy.</p>
<p>What a minefield it can be to have a conversation about our kids. Another reason to be grateful for CC- the anonymity (presumed if not actual) means that we can say things here we’d hesitate to share in real life. Though even that has its limitations. My kids would murder me if I shared certain information here OR IRL. And not all of what they want kept private is negative - it’s just personal. I’d rather enjoy my kids’ confidence than risk hurting them, and our relationship, by making full disclosure to people who are not as important to me as my children are.</p>
<p>As tom1944 said, it doesn’t diminish my kids when other people enjoy success. I am not entitled to know what goes on “behind closed doors,” and I’m not obligated to tell other people what goes on behind mine. Not that they’d really find it all that interesting. :D</p>
<p>I do not lie about my kids. I absolutely don’t get why people make up stuff that isn’t true. How do people keep their lies straignt? Baffles the mind.</p>
<p>I don’t lie about my kids, but I don’t go out of my way to talk about them, either the good or bad. When people ask how they’re doing, I usually say “fine” and may give some detail of what they’re currently up to. When I was a kid, my parents would talk to anyone and everyone about my accomplishments. I hated it and swore I wouldn’t do that with my own kids.</p>
<p>I live in Mary Poppins Land, where, on the surface, everyone’s kids are practically perfect in every way. All that perfection is a bit tiring.</p>
<p>My friends don’t brag about their kids although I do admi sometimes it is TMI.
I don’t feel a need to be updated on every little thing, so I err on the side of brevity when asked about my own kids.
I never thought about if anyone is " lying", why would they?</p>
<p>Eastcoastcrazy - I hear you. I’m never happy about hearing about other people’s kids screwing up, but I have to admit that sometimes its reassuring to know that other people’s kids aren’t perfect either.</p>
<p>Like tom, I love to hear good news and rejoice in the blessings earned and received by my friends’ kids or my kids’ friends. Anyone should feel free to brag to me!</p>
<p>I have a good friend that I commute with and we have boys the same age. She is a generous, warm, supportive friend. I realized recently as our kid are coming to the end of middle school that I’ve mostly ever expressed my worries about my son to her and have left a slanted impression of him. She’s been recently surprised by some fairly public accomplishments. Unfortunately, she is a totally look on the positive side person and has missed some big red flags regarding her son and has therefore been equally surprised by some negative outcomes in his life at this time.</p>
<p>zmom- let her know that kids can come back. I always worried that my kid would do something that would negatively impact her for the rest of her life-not that she would make mistakes. We all make mistakes. I am not talking about getting a B in AP Lit so she can not get into Harvard. I mean getting into a serious car accident or trying drugs and being that unlucky kid who gets addicted. Getting through our teen years requires quite a bit of luck.
It is not a far leap between the kid that survives the mistake and the kid who pays for the mistake forever.</p>
<p>I agree that I like to hear all the good news. in fact, sometimes I’ll hear something through my kid and wonder why his mom didn’t tell me about the award or trip or whatever.</p>
<p>I think most of us can discern genuine excitement from all-out bragging. I have a friend who recently on FB wrote about her ds’s SAT score. She didn’t give the scores outright, but she did say one was an 800 and that you could msg her for details. I thought that was so funny. I mean, was she bragging? Hell, yeah!!! But I think it was more pure shock and amazement. And her ds’s excellent scores don’t diminish my own ds’s accomplishments, so why would I care? Lots of good to go around!!!</p>
<p>I have lots of younger friends on Facebook, it seems like everyone is getting married & /or taking tropical vacations. I want to tell them " you better do it now- cause once you have kids, you won’t have time or money or energy to do those things!"
But I dont, cause the ones not on their honeymoon are pregnant. :)</p>
<p>Funny you mentioning Facebook. Everyone’s life looks so wonderful on facebook where as in real life things are probably not so rosy. </p>
<p>I think there are plenty of parents out there telling everyone how amazing their kids are when in reality, they have issues that you only hear about if things get really bad.</p>
<p>One of the reasons I got tired of newsletters was that it only pointed out the rosiest of things and made it seem like you & the kids are on easy street when there are a lot of mundane issues and yes, even challenges. I know that everyone has them but you’d never guess it from reading some of the annual holiday newsletters.</p>
<p>When I do talk about our kids, I don’t outright lie but am selective as to whom I tell what info. I try to find out what’s going on in the lives of others before I volunteer any info that might make anyone feel we are comparing our kiddos in any way. Since our kids are pretty private about their lives, we don’t have a whole lot of info to share anyway.</p>
<p>I could write about so many things. We have a friend whose son applied to HYP last year and mom kept a running commentary on Facebook on interviews, tours etc… I warned my wife that it wasn’t a smart idea and when he got rejected from all the Ivies ( but got into a very good school) it almost seemed like a failure, which it shouldn’t when all the friends were writing, “what happened”. What happened was that she was one of many very qualified candidates.
My younger son plays everything close to the vest and has asked us NOT to tell anyone his SAT scores, which were very good or grades or anything else… He isn’t telling anyone where he’s applying and doesn’t want people to know ( superstitious, cautious - who knows?_)
When our clergy asked him after services where he was applying, he danced around the issue and said he was still deciding. His attitude is that he doesn’t want to be part of some oneupsmanship. We live in a super competitive area with a fleet of helicopter parents who carry grudges 8 years later because one’s child got the role in the school play over the other’s child in 4th grade. I kid you not…</p>
<p>Sounds like a wise child, jandjdad.</p>
<p>I dont share grades, SAT scores private things. But I do share common issues I may be having with my child. for example the stress of when they come home from college etc…I am honest that everything in my life is not perfect, and I appreciate it when people are candid with me too. I also appreciate hearing how they have dealt with things, and that I am not alone. I think I am much more upfront than some. but if people were more honest we could really help each other. I do not think all people do this, but its just me.</p>
<p>I think it’s safe to assume no matter how perfect someone’s life or kids appear to be, the reality is all of us have situations in our lives that are not so great. </p>
<p>I’ve always admired people who can be open and honest about their struggles and disappointments. The need to always look perfect is what keeps us from truly connecting with others. IMHO, it’s really nice to be able to share one’s ‘less than perfect’ moments with others and realize we all have issues.</p>
<p>That being said, I don’t think one needs to go around sharing everything with everyone. Just know that what you see on the surface isn’t really an accurate portrayal of a person’s life.</p>
<p>I so agree that this world would be a better - I even think - happier place if we were more honest with eachother about personal struggles. We could actually support and help eachother get through the hard times. But I truly find that so many parents paint a stellar picture of their children that we are actually interacting with eachother on a rather superficial level.</p>
<p>agree witht he last two posts you can be authentic without betraying trust.</p>