<p>My intelligent but infuriating DH seems to enjoy belittling public school teaching as a profession.<br>
And doesn’t really conceal it in front of our incredibly talented musician/public school teaching son.</p>
<p>One of the few things we clash on. A tiny bit off topic but shows one big value difference in an otherwise sound marriage.
And yes, carry on.</p>
<p>Nowadays there are two groups–besides politicians–that can be insulted with impunity: fat people and public school teachers.</p>
<p>^^^Completely agree with Deborah. My BIL is self-educated and one of the most interesting people I know- but no college degree. He does however value education highly and is constantly on a quest to further his exposure to various topics. On the other hand, we have an acquaintance who has only a high school degree, and who has done extremely well with his own business. He was able to sell it and retire at 50ish with substantial wealth. He sees no value in a formal education and says college is a waste of time for his children (especially his daughters). He has refused to help any of his children with expenses and none have attended college. </p>
<p>I think that stable relationships are born when couples have respect for each other’s value sets, and support those values. I don’t think I could be in a relationship with someone who does not value education in any way, shape, or form. As far as the fact that many people here seem to be married to spouses with similar education levels, that is simple- most of us meet our spouses through activities that involve common interests. For those who attended college, that provides a great place to meet others with common interests. I never intentionally excluded anyone without a college degree from my dating world, but since college is where I spent substantial time in my youth, college students and professionals are who I mostly dated.</p>
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<p>I think this is true. One of my grandfathers never went to college, but he was an autodidact who read widely and had a great knowledge of history and literature. There is a difference between valuing learning and valuing credentials. I would have a hard time being married to someone who had no intellectual curiosity or interest in the arts, just because I would find it hard to make conversation. But I know people with college degrees who are pretty dull that way, and people without who are quite interesting.</p>
<p>I am not married. I am more than open to a relationship or marriage to someone with a GED. The qualities that are really essential to me don’t have to do with a degree. Just like I couldn’t care less what a person I am dating looks like (although education obviously has value, where looks don’t to me).</p>
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<p>I just don’t believe you, at all.</p>
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<p>Guilty as charged.</p>
<p>I know several couples “mixed” like this. The breakdown occurs when they are contemptuous and dismissive of the other’s views, not when they are different. My wife’s best friend, with her two degrees, married a meter-reader. They are very happy, with two kids approaching college age. The kids will be allowed to choose.</p>
<p>One of their female neighbors has an MS in Architecture but is forbidden to work (or divorce) by their conservative religious views. This is not working so well.</p>
<p>I’m a little bit of a pig. I was watching House Hunters the other day and the wife was a decade older doctor (attractive) married to a very attractive firefighter. I don’t know what his educational attainment was, but I know what his hotness quotient was, and I was very pleased on the wife’s behalf.</p>
<p>It would not work in my case, but each person values different traits in their spouses/significant other, and I would not generalize from my experience.</p>
<p>Whatever works for you.</p>
<p>lol Zoosermom</p>
<p>Nobody’s “preening” about anything. Many, many people meet their future spouses at someplace they have in common-work and college being probably THE most common, and yes, you’d probably find fellow degree-holders at such places if YOU had a degree. But I think most of us who have been out in the world for awhile know couples with different levels of education. Even in my own family of five siblings, only 1 couple has an identical education, and the longest marriage (almost 30 years)? That would be the carpenter and the elite college grade.</p>
<p>sorghum, you don’t have to believe me - doesn’t make it any less true :)</p>
<p>zmom - I saw that episode, too! Yes, there difference in formal educational achievement stood out to me to (as well as the eye candy!). </p>
<p>I just can’t turn that show off, despite now knowing that it’s completely staged. :(</p>
<p>I think I’m one of the few people, though, who cannot predict which house they’re going to pick, because it seems like I’m always wrong. </p>
<p>Maybe HGTV should start a show called College Hunters - they present a family who needs to make a college choice; the student is given three different colleges to apply to - they show the kid taking a tour/filling out an application/opening up their SAT scores, etc. and in the end, we find out which college they chose. And several months later, we get an update on how they’re doing at that college. We see them in their dorm, or wherever (maybe they chose CC and are still living at home) Hey, maybe I’ve got something here!</p>
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<p>It depends on the issue. </p>
<p>There are some points on which people can agree to disagree. In my family, for instance, there was a very successful marriage between a devoutly religious person and one who was of a different faith and was rather casual about it. These people married in middle age and did not have children together, so there were no conflicts about the religious upbringing of children to worry about. And they agreed to respect each other’s choices.</p>
<p>I think that if two people have different values but can agree to respect each other’s choices, and if the difference involves something that they can do separately, it need not be an insurmountable problem. </p>
<p>But if one person finds the other one’s values in a particular area intolerable or if it’s not possible to handle matters separately, there would be problems.</p>
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We must be sisters because I can never tell, either.</p>
<p>Yes, for me it would depend on the attitude of the person who “doesn’t value education.” Are they just neutral about it, and wouldn’t have a problem of I placed a lot of importance on it for our kids? Or are they actually anti-education, feeling that college isn’t necessary or valuable? How well it would work would depend on the intensity of their different outlooks and the willingness of both people to compromise.</p>
<p>When differences appear in relationships, I think the key is that each respects that the other is a good person who holds a different, but equally thoughtful view. The understanding that two different people can contribute different things that are both valuable and that two good people can come from places of decency and care but approach the same issue differently.
This is why I do have a lot of friends of different political points of view. I believe that they are decent people with good intentions who believe there is a way of solving problems that differs from mine, and they believe me to be a good person with different views, as well. The assumption that different is always bad is where the problems come in.</p>
<p><a href=“I%20also%20wonder%20how%20that%20would%20work%20out.%20Would%20a%20carpenter%20resent%20my%20student%20loans?%20Be%20willing%20to%20save%20to%20send%20a%20child%20to%20university?%20Spend%20money%20on%20tutors%20if%20the%20local%20high%20school%20were%20doing%20a%20bad%20job?%20There%20are%20simply%20too%20many%20ways%20in%20which%20the%20abstract%20value%20of%20%22education%22%20influences%20concrete%20decisions.”>QUOTE=ariesathena</a>
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<p>A skilled person without a bachelor’s degree may be well educated in his/her own profession (e.g. carpentry) and may certainly see the value in being educated beyond the base level of high school graduation.</p>
<p>In other words, do not assume that “being educated” necessarily means attaining a bachelor’s degree. It could include other types of education, or self-education.</p>
<p>One of DH’s friends was a carpenter for several years, then earned two Ivy League degrees. Still does carpentry on the side. His work is stunning.</p>
<p>Will admit that education was a very high priority for DH and me when we had the discussion about having kids. We both came from families where we had to put ourselves through without parental support (and sexist assumptions from my family about the “need” for an education), so we were both adamant about making sure our kids got the best education possible.</p>
<p>That said, my youngest brother (age 46) earned two associate degrees as part of job retraining within the past couple years and is one of the most intellectually curious people you’ll ever meet. He went to college for a year after HS, got a job, and went back at age 42. He always has a few books going and more than holds his own in any intellectual gathering.</p>
<p>IMO, it’s the intellectual curiosity that’s a bigger issue than degrees per se.</p>
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<p>Where is the “Like” button when you need it. :-)</p>