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<p>A fire fighter’s educational attainment presumably includes EMT and fire academy.</p>
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<p>Of course, back then, college tuition was much cheaper, and getting a job to work one’s way through college was more doable, even without living rent-free at home.</p>
<p>I’ve been thinking of valuing and not valuing education in different contexts than some of the other people here.</p>
<p>For example, when my son was in high school, he had a part-time job in a store one summer. His employer wanted him to continue working during the school year, and my son liked the idea. Company policy required employee shifts to be at least 6 hours long. My husband and I said that our son could only say yes to his employer if the store could give him a schedule that included only Friday, Saturday, or Sunday shifts. We would not permit him to work a 6-hour shift after school on Monday through Thursday because that would not allow enough time for homework.</p>
<p>If my husband and I had disagreed on the importance of education, we could have had a huge family battle about this rather than a straightforward decision. But as it happens, we agree on the importance of education. I don’t know who suggested the weekends-only solution, but the other parent immediately agreed to it. (Incidentally, so did our son’s employer. The company willingly agreed to assign him to two weekend shifts every week during his senior year of high school.)</p>
<p>If a couple’s values differ on something that affects family decisions where unity is needed – such as a decision about a teenage child’s employment – there can be no end of trouble.</p>
<p>Wow, the title of this thread really hit home for me!! My first love (I was 18-19) was the guy who had no inclination to go to college. He was a wonderful and warm human being but this issue kept coming up again and again. This was taking place in a different country and it was not at all unheard of for young people to get married in their early 20s so our relationship was getting very serious until my dad intervened. He sat me down and told me in no uncertain terms that if I were to marry this guy, in a few years we probably won’t have much to talk about and when the kids came along it would become an even bigger issue. He didn’t force me into ending the relationship, just asked me to seriously consider what he was saying. </p>
<p>I thought about it long and hard and ended up breaking up with him. It was very difficult for me to get over that whole situation and of course I thought I’d never again meet another guy I would fall in love with and have the same strong feelings for as much as I had for this guy but after a while, I met my husband who is on the same wave length as me about education (as well as many other things of course) and we’ve been together for over 22 years. It hasn’t been perfect by any means but I am so glad I made that decision to end the relationship with that other guy. </p>
<p>I am sure it works differently for many people, this has just been my experience.</p>
<p>H and I are both college graduates, but during the past several years he has become one who thinks that experts are elitists who all have questionable motivations for their conclusions. Our kids are grown, but the distrust of education is splitting us up – how can I have respect for someone who thinks that education is bad?</p>
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Sorry, UCB, but words have meaning. Yes, life can teach you things, and yes, learning takes place outside of a classroom, but “educated” usually connotes someone who has formal education. The word you are looking for is “learned” or “wise”, but that is not exactly the same as “educated”. </p>
<p>I loved school and love learning. I would, personally, be a terrible fit for a “high school and then done” person, especially in this day and age. </p>
<p>Looking back on my relationships, about 90% of the non-sexual conflict has been over education, specifically, MINE. I was too smart and science-oriented, wanted to work too hard, thought law school grades were too important, or took school too seriously, or wah wah wah. That was even among men who attended the same universities as I did. Sorry, but I’m not going to deliberately walk into that hornet’s nest again.</p>
<p>But keep the patronising comments coming! They’re fun.</p>
<p>“One who values education, and one who doesn’t?”</p>
<p>No. One who truly values education, I would think, would never be happy in a life-long, marital type relationship with one who has no value for education. So these completely polarized people, I believe, would be doomed in that type of relationship.</p>
<p>Now - if you want to talk about shades of gray, then yes…it can work. And I would say that there are many who do not have a bachelors degree that “value” education. I am one of them. I place a VERY high value on education. My husband, who has a bachelors degree actually doesn’t share the same value for education that I do. He DOES value it, just not as much.</p>
<p>But in general, if my spouse does not place SOME value on something I am really passionate about, we’re going to have a serious problem.</p>
<p>My fiance didn’t go to college and is not an academic type-- I’ll never get him to pick up a book of any kind. I always thought something like this might be an issue, but it isn’t. He is smarter than I am, and he makes more money than I ever could. I wish that he had a degree because it would give me a greater sense of security, but I think we will be okay without it. He doesn’t begrudge me my education. He is so, so proud of my degree, more proud than I am. </p>
<p>He has led me to believe that he didn’t go because he just wasn’t a school kind of person, which was fine. I only just found out that he would have liked to go but he didn’t think his parents could afford to send him, so he only pretended that he didn’t want to go. I do think that, in the present day, he thinks he is too skilled and too experienced for his lack of a degree to hurt him, and I do find that arrogant and irritating. He thinks he is special and that special people like him don’t need degrees, I think he is full of crap, but it doesn’t really matter. It’s not like we sit around talking about this, and we’ve agreed we want our kids to have the opportunity to go and we will encourage them to do so. Whether or not they go will be up to them. </p>
<p>I think, as with anything else, you can have different values and make it work as long as you are respectful of your partner’s opinions and can find a way to meet in the middle as far as kids are concerned… I think if this is your most serious problem you’re probably doing pretty well.</p>
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My theory on marital compromise is that for us, we don’t meet in the middle, we talk respectfully about which of us feels more strongly or has more need for a particular thing and then the person with the greatest need/passion gets to make the decision. I don’t think in almost 28 years of marriage we have ever both felt the same level of intensity on the same issue. However, he still lets me know that he isn’t happy with the choice of name for my son.</p>
<p>Emaheevul07, great example.</p>
<p>It’s not that your fiance doesn’t VALUE education. He obviously does. He wanted to get a degree, he’s proud of YOUR education, and he wants his kids to get an education. So he does place some value on education - even though he doesn’t have a degree, and doesn’t wish to pursue one now.</p>
<p>Someone who looks down their nose at anyone without a degree probably WON’T be happy with such a person. They are certainly free to refuse to date entire swaths of the population because of their belief that non-degree holders are less worthy of their time. But the fact is that many, many people have very happy lives being coupled with someone who is unequally educated. As always, One True Way…ISN’T.</p>
<p>The question wasn’t: Can someone who is educated have a relationship with someone who isn’t? The question was in reference to: “One who values education, and one who doesn’t?”</p>
<p>I see those as COMPLETELY different things.</p>
<p>It occurs to me we’re fortunate to be able to have this conversation without the first thing on everyone’s mind being whether or not the 17 year old boys are going to be shipped off to Vietnam in another year.</p>
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The greatest security comes from being able to do things that other people find valuable, and to do them in a way that causes people to be willing to hire you or buy your product or service. Degrees might help with that, but not necessarily. </p>
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<p>Its not the way I would advise people to go, but he does have a few “examples” on his side…Gates, Jobs, Ellison, Zuckerberg, and many others in other fields. The only problem with these “special” people is that the things that make them special cause them to be extraordinary people to live with. You do what they want…not the other way around. :)</p>
<p>Oh boy, I’m about to blow this one wide open.</p>
<p>Spoiler alert on how to know which house is chosen on House Hunters (important information here)</p>
<p>You get chosen to be on the show when you are in escrow. So that means the other two are just thrown in there.</p>
<p>The house that is chosen is almost always empty because it has already been bought, but not moved into yet. The only way to be fooled is when it’s international and the furniture is included in the purchase.</p>
<p>ummmm…wrong thread?</p>
<p>Nope - see posts 28-35 or so.</p>
<p>Now that we know that, eyemamom, we’re going to look much smarter to the people who watch with us. Thanks. :D</p>
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<p>That’s EXACTLY what I was thinking. I’m not going to clue H in on this, and see what he says after a few times of finally getting it right!</p>
<p>Re: My adult children’s relationships, I try to neither impede or promote.</p>
<p>Unless one of the partners in the relationship is in the field of education, or unless they have children, I can’t imagine why it would be an issue.</p>