<p>My sister has a Master’s degree in… education. </p>
<p>Her husband of 6 or 7 years attended one community college class and proclaimed it was not for him and that he would never go back to school. He now works as a dispatcher for a transportation company.</p>
<p>They have two small children. She definitely values their education more than he does, but somehow they make it work.</p>
<p>I have an MBA/MS in business. I haven’t been in a serious relationship with anyone who didn’t finish an undergrad, but I do have 2 close friends that don’t put much value in education. One makes snide comments about ‘college graduates’ around me frequently, the other has gone on and on and on complaining about how she hasn’t been able to move up in the corporate world because her experience is far more valuable than a degree. Frankly it’s a bit offensive. I can bite my tongue and maintain friendships, but don’t think I could handle a long term relationship with someone who didn’t respect what I’ve spent a lot of time, effort, and money to achieve.</p>
<p>So you would have a problem with someone who is learned or wise through self-education, and loves learning, even if s/he did not have a high level attainment in formal education?</p>
<p>It’s one thing if one partner doesn’t have a degree, but still realizes that his children might need one, but it’s another thing entirely if one partner doesn’t value education and won’t help pay for or at least support the idea of a college degree. The former could work (I have friends in this situation), but I don’t think the latter will.</p>
<p>Education is one of those major values (along with money, religion, class attitudes, etc.) that you absolutely must work out before having children together. It’s fine to be different, but when it comes to child-rearing, not having similar goals is going to lead to a lot of heartbreak.</p>
<p>^^^ Yeah, but there are other options. As in the person doesn’t value education; wouldn’t PUSH kids to go to college but still SUPPORT them if they wanted to. I don’t think you have value something in order to support someone else in it.</p>
<p>^That is kind of where I feel my fiance is. I don’t especially feel that he values education, I guess it is a shade of gray. He will study and learn about computers as that’s his field but he is not interested in anything else, won’t read, would never pursue higher ed, and doesn’t think people need degrees. And while I agree you don’t NECESSARILY need a degree, I think most people should be encouraged to pursue some kind of higher ed. He goes along with that and is willing to save for college because he doesn’t want to limit our kids opportunities, but I think it is probably neither here nor there to him whether they go. I will be pretty agitated if they don’t go if they have the skills to do so and don’t have something else pretty great going for them already. This may be a source of friction if we have a really bright but lazy kid who doesn’t feel like going, but I am sure we would work it out… if push came to shove I wouldn’t want to pay for a child to attend college who doesn’t want to be there anyway.</p>
<p>Emaheevul07-forgive me if I’m mixing you up with someone else, but aren’t you the one who isn’t planning to work at all once you’re married? I’m not sure how you can get upset with him for not supporting formal education when you aren’t really, either. Why should whoever paid for YOUR education have done so, for that matter? And how do yo push your kids to go to college when both parents chose lives that don’t make use of it?</p>
<p>If it’s not you, then my more general question would have to be, if a person would support both emotionally and financially a child’s desire for higher education, how is that NOT valuing education??</p>
<p>Not going to college does not necessarily equal lazy! Not at all! And college is not for everyone. I value education VERY MUCH, but I do not have a 4 year degree and I am not lazy. Do you think your fiance is lazy? And even though I value a 4 year degree, I would not push a kid to get one. If THEY are not at least somewhat excited about the prospect, chances are they will not succeed anyway, and a lot of time and money will have been wasted.</p>
<p>“Not going to college does not necessarily equal lazy!” </p>
<p>Exactly! My son chose the military/CC route and works his behind off day in/day out, often 7 days a week, and most of the time more than 8 hours a day. And sometimes it’s in the hottest weather (think AZ) or cold weather (think ice), but he hasn’t missed a day in I don’t know how long. What he does makes or breaks a new building passing certain codes. The idea that he’s lazy or that he’s somehow wasting his life by having not gone to college is just silly.</p>
<p>It really depends on what one means by “valuing education”; even different values of education can make a parental relationship far more complicated, especially come college application time, even though both parents still value education at that point.</p>
<p>Yes, even among those who value formal post-secondary education, there may be disagreements as to what is the optimal path.</p>
<ul>
<li>Some insist on high prestige schools, even if it involves high debt, or the school is weak in the student’s major.</li>
<li>Some insist that CC->LocalStateUniversity works for everyone, even though it may not for some students who are advanced in a subject they want to study in depth.</li>
<li>Some do not want to tell the student what the cost constraints are before application season, even though there are limitations which can lead to disappointment in April.</li>
<li>Some insist on choosing or limiting the student’s college major and career path.</li>
<li>Some impose geographic restrictions that make it hard for the student to find an academically suitable and affordable college.</li>
</ul>
<p>"The idea that a person who does not work for money is not making use of their education is equally silly. "</p>
<p>Yes, that was my point. I don’t think you can call ANYONE who works hard at ANYTHING, including non-paying work, is “lazy”, but the person I was addressing implied (as I read it) that her fiance was lazy for not going to college. And yet, apparently he will be the sole breadwinner. I don’t think you can have it both ways-if working hard but not having a formal education is “lazy” than so is getting said education and not using it to “get ahead” or whatever if someone were to quibble.</p>
<p>From reading this thread I get the impression that many people think that having a degree= educated= smarter then other people. Not always true. Many times having a degree means you did a lot of busy work so more doors would open for you. That was my Masters program, supposedly well respected and ranked! I think I’ve met just as many educated people who were stupid as those that are uneducated and stupid. ha! Sometimes educated stupid people are the worst. They think a degree makes them a know-it-all. </p>
<p>My husband has a Masters but was so absolutely bored at his desk job he became a firefighter. With OT he makes six figures. He says he doesn’t feel he’s any smarter just because he has an advanced degree then any of the other firefighters. What six years of college gave him was the ability to take standardized tests more easily, which helped him get promoted! Not exactly what people want to hear. But he exaggerates on purpose! </p>
<p>My parents both valued education but from the outside it would have seemed my mom did and my dad didn’t. My mom was more idealistic and my dad the realist in our situation-- we had no money for college. Some how I made it through on my own, but because my undergrad degree didn’t seem “practical” I never heard the end if it at the time. Same with my husband. I think that’s why we’ve become the parents that will allow our kids to dream and major in anything, while knowing the reality of what they’re getting into.</p>
<p>So after all that, yes, I’d need to be with someone who values education but does not necessarily have a college degree, and the smartest most intellectually stimulating person I’ve encountered has no college degree.</p>
<p>Education and intelligence are two different things. You don’t have to be educated to be intelligent. I don’t think education should be so much a barrier, but intelligence is definitely a deal breaker in my book.</p>
<p>Agree eightisgreat! In fact, I’d go one step further and suggest that a healthy balance might be better than two parents with a single mindset who might find themselves overinvested in a kid’s education. I think of peers who start their kids on things like “Russian math” (really?) early on in the name of respect for education. </p>
<p>As with every other issue in marriage, there really has to be respect for each other’s perspective on the subject of education. Even with two parents who appear to have the same values, there are differences. My husband comes from a long line of Ivy-obsessed snobs and I come from one of peasants who, only in the last few generations, were able to attain post-secondary education. We both value education and are ourselves educated, but there is at times a gulf between us. He tends to be resume-driven and I tend to press the kids to follow their dreams. The good news: we both end up driving them crazy. </p>
<p>Thank you for the House Hunters spoiler! I cannot wait to see another episode now.</p>
<p>I have personally been through relationships just like this. The girl is not going to school or plans too. I think people who dont value education begin to value unstructured socializing. This will promptly begin to upset the relationships as (considering you are still in school) you will not be able to attend or begin to get involved in his/her social life. Not to be discouraging but I think its critical that you both value the same things.</p>
<p>The original question is too vague to answer. When you say ‘values education’ do you mean: 1) getting a college degree or something more along the lines of 2) doing well in grade school/high school? Most of the replies are making assumptions on what is really being asked.</p>
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