<p>Yeah, I think I’d say “Great!” but also make it clear that the two of them would be expected to be contributing, participating members of the household, not guests or visitors. For me that would mean helping with household chores, errands, yard work, groceries, etc. I would make it clear up front to avoid misunderstandings and resentments.</p>
<p>I agree with Mafool. Set the rules before he and she move in…even go so far as to put it in writing. Explain that you are happy to help them out but that it is going to be a major transition for all of you and that things must be talked out before resentment and anger grows. </p>
<p>I read in an old Agatha Christie that there are only 6 happy days in a mother’s life…when they come home from school and when they leave. I try to limit my anticipation, knowing full well we won’t do half the things I plan for, and try hard to just enjoy her for what she is…a delightful young lady who knows how to push every button I’ve got!</p>
<p>LOL Novelisto!!</p>
<p>Thanks all–it feels like one of those situations that I “know” we will say yes, and with some of your suggestions, but I need time to wrap my head around it. Fortunately, this friend is very easy to tell things to, such as "please leave your shoes in the closet not the hallway. That at least is not a worry. So DH and I will delay what we have come to call the “Happy Dance” of being empty nesters for a few more months. I know we will enjoy having these great young people around but I know myself well and I am of the “guests and fish both smell after 3 days” school. Thanks again for the support/ideas</p>
<p>D went back to school today. She and S were both home last week. It’s really, really nice and enjoyable to have them here and it’s really, really nice when they go back.</p>
<p>oregon101- my humble suggestion is that you do what you can to make sure that neither you nor they view the two temporary residents as “guests,” but members of the household/family. For me, at least, to do otherwise would result in grumpiness or resentment. No fun!</p>
<p>edit: it is a complement to you and your spouse that both of these young people feel comfortable with the prospect of living with you! Please do not forget that. :)</p>
<p>Thanks mafool–I actually had not even thought about the “complement”. I would NEVER have moved back with my family after 3 years. So that part is nice. We are planning on charging the friend $200-$250 a month for food and expenses. That way if the 4 of us want to go out to dinner or a happy hour we will just pay (at least mostly). I do not want the situation where we have to have seperate bills. Ok–I am writing this and wondering how this will work. hmmmm all thought appreciated.</p>
<p>Oregon-- it sounds as though you have the situation well in hand. I would be certain to speak with both of the young people, sooner rather than later, so that everything is clear and on the table. It is totally fair and understandable for them both to contribute to the household, both monetarily and chore-wise. But you need to spell it all out very clearly very soon, so that there is no resentment on anyone’s part. I would be surprised if this is a shock to them; anyone who is an adult would naturally think about contributing to a long-term living arrangement. That way, it will be fun, and not a situation where everyone will feel increasingly uncomfortable with the “500 pound elephant” of expenses sitting in the living room with you all.</p>
<p>granglish–yes, that is what I was thinking–spell out the expectations. For example, I do not mind cooking dinner as I love to cook and will be doing it for DH and myself. I am going to ask for a phone call or e-mail by 3:00 letting me know if they will be expected for dinner. Fortunately, we have our Master Bedroom on the first floor and they will have bedrooms and bath and family on lower level. Poor DS will have to share the bathroom with them when he is home as his room is also down there. My two are so messy in the bathroom that I am not going to worry about this but will require that it is actually cleaned once a week and the lower level to be vacuumed. DH and I take care of the upstairs. Now DS takes care of all cleaning (I was determined to give him some husband skills) downstairs and earns his “allowance” that way.
It can be so much fun having them home from college but this will be a bit different. I know when she was just home for a few weeks at a time I would just let things go that I really cannot live with for months–such as leaving piles by the front door. So, yes rules, and I am OK with the idea that they are arbitrary–after all it is our house.
DH is worried about our time together being taken over by females. I just thought today of an idea–he and I can just plan on going somewhere overnight every 2-3 weeks. Would be fun for us anyway.
The GF has family here who she no doubt with stay with from time to time. HER father told her that he and his wife (stepmom) want their adult home and time and she cannot move back with them. (this says nothing about her–she is very nice and appropriate).</p>
<p>You sound like a wonderful mom! I think it will be a great time for all of you.</p>
<p>Thanks franglish. I am not one of those who cannot stand to see them go (not anymore anyway!). It is an adjustment but once it it made I feel like many here–glad to see them, very happy for them, love to watch them grow and really enjoy the time alone. I think most of us hope our D’s and S’s live close by someday–but not necessarily in the same house. I swear I could kick myself–we built just 7 years ago and how I wish we had thought about a little apt above the garage (not worth the $ now). Anyway, anyone else feeling a little “oh myish” at the thought of summer and teens about this summer?</p>
<p>My mother used to say “love to see you come, love to see you go”</p>