<p>Laughing at the photo album idea. Everytime before my Mom comes to spend the night (she lives close enough that if she comes, it’s just for one night) I put out a stack of photo albums - she LOVES it!</p>
<p>Also LOL at House Hunters - my kids crack up everytime they hear the “entertaining” space comment - because that is SO not our house! </p>
<p>My mom is 75 - still works at the local YMCA a few days a week for a few hours at a time - she has worked there pretty much since all her kids were grown - they are her second family. Sometimes I think people make her feel guilty for “still working”. And everytime she brings it up, I tell her if she enjoys it, can physically do it and is productive, why not? She lives alone and all her children except one live out of town. Personally, I think the routine of that job keeps her healthy in many ways.</p>
<p>My husband plays beach volleyball several days a week at noon. It is a group that has been around for years. There are quite a few older men who are no longer able to play yet come down to hang out and watch and talk. They share stories about the old days. Several of them have commented that their wives love having them get out of their hair. My MIL and FIL are the type who have made the retirement years active. My parents were much like Missypie’s. TV, shopping and church. They really had no hobbies or interests.</p>
<p>I forgot the doctor’s appointments. I love how one doctor’s appointment makes the day “busy” for them. Also love how neither set of parents can get around to sending Christmas cards. Too busy, I suppose? I’m sure I’ll think differently 25 years from now if I’m still around, but at present it drives me crazy.</p>
<p>Also when I was younger I stressed more about everything. Whether it was making everything good for guests or planning the kids birthday party. I thing in the last few years I have come to the point that where I ask myself the question “How important is it?” I think as life has given me things to worry about that are “big” I have come to realize what is not “big”. I have also learned to say NO and not feel like the need to make a huge amount of excuses.
In the past when we had guests I planned each meal. Cleaned the house top to bottom. Made sure the guest room was spotless. Drove myself insane. Worried that the kids would not behave. I would feel exhausted by the time everyone left. This past summer when I was dreading having 15 of my family members visit I decided to assign people meals. It was my first time doing that in 22 yrs. I stressed that they would be upset but they were all fine with it.
What also has helped is that 12 yrs ago we built a new house. Our present guest room is at the other side of our house down a staircase. The guests have their own bathroom. It gives them privacy and I don’t hear them when they get up. I think the guest prefer it too.
Also much of our company is family. Most of them have known me my entire life. The good and the bad.
By the way my H hates being a guest. He much prefers a hotel. My family on the other hand is cheap and are insulted if we told them they could not stay with us and they should get a hotel. We actually did that one year when we had so much family coming. I decided that first come, first served would be the criteria for who got to stay at my house. One of my brothers was insulted and he ended up just coming up for the day. His loss.</p>
<p>We’d definitely have to pay for the hotel. When my inlaws came for Thanksgiving, they drove. They spent the night in the car (in the cold!) in a WalMart parking lot in Arkansas so they wouldn’t have to pay for a hotel. (And they have loads of money.)</p>
<p>I get so envious of people whose family does things. When my neighbors’ family visits, they play endless card games. They ride bikes. They organize family tennis tournaments.</p>
<p>I am so glad to read this thread. I thought it was just DH and I. I don’t know if we’re bad hosts, or if in-laws are bad guests. But it is soooooo stressful. And we need our “space”.</p>
<p>H’s parents (just his mom now, FIL passed away last year) live near a beautiful southeastern beach. We love to go there. We love it more when there is some reason (ie, construction at the house, extra guests, etc) for us to stay at a nearby condo. We would GLADLY spend the money and spend the week down the street, visit during the day, and then be gone at night…and in the morning. (the post above about guests at breakfast cracked me up - so true!) We’ve often fantasized about going down to rent a condo, and not tell his folks we’re around…except we’re afraid we’d run into them on the beach, or in the grocery store, etc… :eek:</p>
<p>Something about being able to fix a drink, or get a snack, or go to the bathroom, without someone asking what you’re doing…</p>
<p>My parents are(were) WORKaholics. Dad has to have a list of everything that needs to be fixed in my house before he visits. He cannot sit down and relax. He always brings all his tools with him, (10 hour drive) too.
“Oh, too, bad,” I’d say, “I guess you can’t do THIS job because you need a POWER SAW (chain saw, soldering gun, blowtorch, whatever), and we don’t have one.” “No problem,” says Dad, “I’ve got it right here in the back of my van. . .”
(H is NOT a handyman and never fixes a thing–and this gives dad an opportunity to keep busy, and also to swear about how “SOME people would just let the house fall apart around them,” etc.) And they will cook, and clean up. And criticize everything–mostly how messy the house is, how the kitchen isn’t organized right, how they just can’t see how we can stand to live like this. They scare the kids with all their negativity. And when they walk out the door–they only stay for 3 days because mom goes by the “fish and visitors stink after 3 days” rule–we all collapse, exhausted and relieved. I wish they would just sit and talk! This is how “unreasonable” they are: We moved from Hawaii back to the mainland when I was 8mo pregnant with my 7th child. We had u-hauled our stuff which was in storage from a town 4 hours away. It was late Aug. H started a new job, some of the kids started school. A month later the baby was born. My parents came “to help” this time (never before) because H had a bicycle accident and was having surgery the day after the birth. After 2 days mom said, “Well, we were going to stay one more day, but Dad just can’t stand THE MESS.” (There were a few unpacked boxes hidden in the corner of MY bedroom–which they were not staying in–They were so angry, they just couldn’t figure out what the heck their lazy D had been doing the whole month that she still had boxes sitting around!!!) Well, there were several similar episodes over the years, and I can’t say that I am unhappy that my parents can’t visit anymore. (Except I’ve had to hire a handyman. . .)
Now, visiting them was another story–They have 7 kids/23 grandkids–everyone slept over anyplace–extra beds, couches, floor, etc. Everyone walks in without knocking and is given a beer or a cup of tea and snacks right away. Everyone gets into the kitchen and helps themselves–as long as you wash your dishes, it’s fine. They are great hosts, but as guests they run me ragged.</p>
<p>One time I was blow drying my hair in the bathroom, with the door shut. FIL came in because he was baffled at what the noise was. Now whenever I dry my hair whne we have company I wonder if I should announce what I am doing!</p>
<p>Atomom, my friend had her whole family for Thanksgiving, including a brother who has been diagnosed with OCD. The OCD brother made countless trips to the hardware store, so he could fix every loose everything in the house. My friend is a single mom and was generally grateful for the help, but he drove her nuts asking if she had this or that tool. Before he left, he bought and inserted a night light in *every outlet *in the upstairs of the house.</p>
<p>LOL–my dad has a few OCD tendencies, but he’s not THAT bad. At least he brings his own tools.
Lots of fond memories of going to the hardware store with Dad.</p>
<p>My parents hate overnight house guests so much that we have literally never had one, except in one situation when my aunt was over and we had a blizzard so she had to stay. We do not even keep a guest room.</p>
<p>Good to hear that, Twisted! This morning I was telling my H that I simply can’t deal with overnight guests anymore. He said, “but everyone has overnight guests.”</p>
<p>I hope I will (from my hotel room!) My kitchen is pretty much a one-person room. It’s hard to have anyone help, even if they’d offer. I think when I’m the MIL, I’ll say, “I"d like to cook Italian for y’all tonight, okay?” </p>
<p>I will say that when the inlaws were here at Thanksgiving, FIL wanted to cook us a “steak dinner.” I was in the midst of decorating our 20+ Christmas trees, so I was thrilled. He and Husband went to the store and bought steaks and EVERYTHING ELSE THAT I WAS SUPPOSED TO COOK. He cooked the steaks on the grill and I cooked all the rest of the stuff that he had bought. Doesn’t add up to him cooking dinner for us in my book. (BUT, it *was *the first time in 20 years that either he or MIL have cooked us anything at our house, so that’s a tiny bit of progress.)</p>
<p>20+ Christmas trees!!! Oh, my. I had three this year (one regular, one small in den, one teeny in D’s room for a surprise) and thought that was a lot.</p>
<p>I don’t like overnight guests much either. We have a beach house, and guests for dinner or overnight there are fine. Main house, no. Too many messes here.</p>
<p>My mother advised me to marry an orphan. Best piece of advice she ever gave. I did, and we have lived happily with no in-law problems for me whatsoever! </p>
<p>But I confess-- I’m no good with overnight guests-- I need advil, valium, horse tranquilizers…anything! I really admire people who are so easygoing and openhearted that they can welcome friends for extended visits…or any visits at all! I wish I was like that, but I’m just not.</p>
<p>We never have houseguests and the idea of being anyone else’s houseguest (except for my mom) sends my stress level through the roof. I’m an extreme introvert, and I don’t handle changes in my routine very well. H’s family is very close, and very loud–not an indoor voice in the bunch, and they all talk over each other. I’ve been to quieter hockey games! I like his family a lot, but the noise wears me out.</p>
<p>Over the years almost his entire family has moved to PA, very close to where my mom lives, so when we visit we stay with her. We’re retiring and moving to PA in October, and H wants to look for one of those “great for entertaining” houses. He has this vision of the entire family coming over for dinner every Sunday and hanging out (he’s the cook). I’d rather stick a sharp needle in my eye… :(</p>