<p>I was at a large state school, UCR, and then I transferred to Bryn Mawr, a small liberal arts, all-woman’s college in the East Coast. In a lot of ways, this place has been good for me. I’ve met more people here in the first month than I did at UCR, the campus feels more accessible to me, I got a position on student government, it’s nice seeing familiar faces often, and I’ve never been around a kinder student body in my life (minus freshmen who are still in high school mode). I’ve cried on many shoulders since I’ve gotten here (and all these people are strangers from either Bryn Mawr or Swat) and received a lot of advice.</p>
<p>However, the homesickness coupled with my very bad experience at UCR has made college here almost unbearable.
As a child, I was bullied a lot and going to a small school does trigger those memories. Also a freshmen girl has been very mean to me so that just adds to it (at UCR I was harassed by one students and gossiped by another and it didn’t bother me as much because UCR was a MUCH LARGER school). I’ve been so anxious I missed work twice and was almost fired today (the boss doesn’t know about my anxiety nor does she know I go to the health center weekly). Making friends has also been difficult because my transfer group is comprised of girls with completely different interests (and thus different schedules, I never see these girls anymore). I’ve been getting involved with clubs, but I was involved with clubs at UCR and left without making many friends (at UCR I survived by going home on weekends and sticking with my high school friends). I know it’s only been a month, but spending weekends mostly alone feels awful. The workload is more rigorous here and I’m struggling to concentrate because of my anxiety. I’m not TOO worried about school yet because I think focusing on my mental health is more important at the moment. </p>
<p>Today was sort of a breaking point. I woke up early for work and cried as I got ready. I wondered why I didn’t go to CC and transfer to a better UC or why I didn’t pick USC or Occidental (I got into both). I know I made this choice, but I’m starting to regret it and wonder what I even saw in Bryn Mawr. The traditions (I’ve only experienced one) have made me uncomfortable because the large amounts of drinking (yes I’ve been to parties, but Bryn Mawr traditions leads to a lot of drinking). I wonder why I left a co-ed environment with parties and if the job resources here are really as good as Bryn Mawr brags they are (made an appointment with the career counseling center for next Friday so I suppose I’ll find out then and I’ve been seeing career peer mentors). Secondly, I feel like it’ll be impossible for me to break into established friend groups and that I’ll end up alone again because students here really seem to like sticking to their dorm friends or friends from dance/sports clubs (I signed up for mostly volunteer clubs and didn’t have the time to pick up a sport, I wouldn’t make a dance team if my life depended on it). I don’t want to transfer again because it sucks and it will most likely delay my graduation status; however, I’m starting to think I wasn’t mentally prepared to be so far away from home. I’m thinking of leaving Bryn Mawr for Occidental or hopefully a Claremont college or even a larger California school (the Trojan Transfer Plan pretty much guarantees I’ll get in and I do have a small shot at another UC because I left Riverside with a 3.77 GPA). </p>
<p>My mother can’t stand hearing me so sad (over phone calls) and got my acceptance to USC differed for Spring semester. I also took a leave of absence from UCR (I know I said I hated the school, but it’s close enough to home for weekends and I got such a great GPA there plus I’d be able to graduate early). I really want to give Bryn Mawr a chance since so many people (friends, family, and myself at one point) saw something great for me here. </p>
<p>I guess what I’m looking for is advice on dealing with homesickness, dealing with anxiety, gaining patience to give yourself the time to love your school, and dealing with past school trauma. I don’t hate Bryn Mawr like I did UCR and I just really need your help members of College Confidential. Am I taking the right steps? Do you have any other advice? Any words of encouragement? </p>
<p>Thank you!</p>
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