I’m helping to plan a 50th anniversary party for my S(ister) and BIL. Technically it is being given by their son and each of their two siblings (so five altogether), but since I’m the only one of the five local to them, it’s basically being planned by S and me. I created the invitation, which S approved, and she sent them out by email or text (since she had all contact information), adding “No gifts, please”. She also sent an email to the five of us stating their preference for no gifts. However, I just found out that BIL’s sister is giving them a gift, and I think it’s common for people to give gifts anyway. So what does everyone think? I had an idea for something I think they’d like that’s not at all expensive, but now I’m not sure what to do.
You don’t have to give it at the party.
We went to a 90th birthday party and “no gifts” was on the invite. Some people brought gifts anyway.
I wouldn’t worry about this.
I recently went to a “no gifts” wedding. The couple was older, established, and I’m sure didn’t need any more things. We did not take gifts. I would think it would be similar for a 50th anniversary couple.
I would only bring a gift if it was something sentimental - like a framed picture of the family. Otherwise, no gifts should mean no gifts - maybe just a card with a note in it.
We had a “no gifts” wedding, partly because well over half of the guests had to travel (had it in my in-laws’ home town) and we felt that was more than enough gift. I’d say about a third of the guests brought something anyway (which was kind of inconvenient as we too had to travel home!)
Something I have started to do with these when I feel I want to give something but also respect their wishes, is to make a donation to a charity for a cause they care about.
I think it might be nice to have a nice meal separately with the couple. This way you’re honoring the “no gifts,” but still enjoying their company.
I’ve been to several “no gifts” parties and have always seen a pile of gifts. If I’m told “no gifts”, I happily honor it. We went to a high school grad party earlier in the summer - the family is extremely wealthy. The grad has his pilot’s license and his own plane, and the family recently bought a small local airport. He’s not going to college as he will be flying the plane for the family business, so the usual college gifts wouldn’t work. I thought it was very appropriate for the invite to indicate no gifts. Nonetheless, there was a table stacked with gifts.
We said no gifts for my MIL’s 80th bday but almost everyone brought one.
I’m not always obedient for “no gifts”. My three exceptions are:
- something very sentimental between the two of you (giver/receiver) but not of high monetary value
- books for kids under 10 or so whose parents said “no gifts” at the party and I interpret that as no plastic and/or no public gifts
- my standard 50th birthday present (a throw blanket with trivia from their birth year) for fairly-close friends, when they have a big bash and say no gifts in general
They made a point of telling you they don’t want gifts, so that must be what they want.
If SiL was also honoring that request, would you still want to ignore it? I don’t think it’s about the expense, I think it’s about doing what they’ve asked. If they said “please no cake” would you bring them a cake anyway?
It depends. If it’s in someone’s home, I’d bring a nice bottle of champagne or wine if I knew the couple would enjoy it. If it’s family, h and I are the “photo/movie” specialists and would create a file with our collection of photos of them/us set to music. We’ve also done charity donations.
For a no gift wedding we do write a check.
Not the same but for my sons upcoming wedding they “can’t” take any physical gifts since they still live in Sweden for at least the next year or so. The wedding is in Chicago. They made a wedding website that included to donate to some charities that were meaningful to them. They have some different funds like a housing fund, one for the photographer for film and something else. We figure they will get checks or the above. So no “physical” gifts is just that.
In this case it has meaning. Like what kind of crap do you want to spend time returning?? Lol. 50 anniversary is different than just getting married. What could they possibly want? But… Lol… If I did get something it would be for experiences. Do they like to hike. You could get a pass to a National Park for the year but they would be able to get a senior discount. Lol. Set of movie /theater gift certificates? Sporting events, plays?
Or the old “I know it’s says no gifts but is there something you could use”…
It seems that this topic came up recently
My pet peeve, when you ask something and people don’t respect your request
No gifts mean no gifts!
Agree that I’d happily comply with a no gift request. People can be happy to share a special occasion with others, but truly don’t want or need more stuff.
If you want toi bring a token my suggestions would be a sentimental gift (ex. framed family photo), a bottle of wine/champagne, or (my preference) a card with a donation to a charity you know they support.
We gave a party a few years ago for our 45th and my 75th, and our invitation said No gifts. Many people brought wine or champagne, or a plant or flowers. I was fine with that.
To me this just points to our (Americans or whatever) obsession with gifts/buying/things.
Think of both sides.
Why did the inviter request “no gifts”? There would be a reason for that that they felt strongly enough to make a point of it.
Why does the invitee insist on not coming empty handed? Can’t your presence/support not be with something in hand??
No gifts means no gifts. Give the person the gift of extra supportive words or an extra hug.
Exactly.
While I understand those who want to give something personal/sentimental like a picture, maybe do that separately from the event?
Maybe I’ll use this as a test sometime in the future to see who listens to what I actually say/write/request. Kidding…but maybe not?! 
Another vote for no gifts if that’s what they asked. It’s also very awkward for the guests who comply – “what? I’m the only oaf who showed up empty-handed?”
So if there was something you wanted to give them, please do it at some other time.
At the No Gifts 90th birthday I attended, there was a table off to the side for cards…but there were also gifts placed on that table. The birthday girl was very gracious. Never touched those at the event, and sent thank you notes to those who brought gifts.
We travelled for this party, and stayed in a hotel for two nights. We didn’t take a gift, but we got the nicest thank you note, thanking us for our gift of time and travel. This 90 year old is a class act.
Yes