I always follow the “no gifts” rule, though I may bring a card. For my stepfather’s 90th birthday, the invitations said “no gifts are necessary.” He still got gifts, but mostly stuff like potted plants/succulents, bottles of wine, and boxes of chocolate. He also got lots of cards as well.
I recently went to a co-worker’s kid’s 1st birthday and they said no gifts. Their rationale was that both parents come from big families so the kid has lots of relatives who buy him gifts a lot and the kid won’t remember not getting gifts for his first birthday anyway. I didn’t bring a gift. Some people did bring gifts but they were mostly small.
I like the no gifts are necessary way of thinking. That way people can bring a gift if they want, but they don’t have to.
I went to a birthday party that SAID no gifts but they had a table and were collecting gifts at the entrance and offered pens and envelopes to anyone who needed one to write a check. I felt very mislead by the invitation!
My sister’s FIL got very angry when people brought gifts to his “no gifts” party and he insisted them keep and return the gifts. He was huffy and belligerent about it and dampened what should have been a festive mood. Other hosts have been more gracious about it, politely saying your presence is our gift and quietly accepting whatever things people chose to bring.
I try to donate in the honor of the charity the person is known to support and/or write a nice card. Otherwise, we try to take the couple out at a different time.
It seems counter-productive to get angry and belligerent, but each person has his/her own personality and I’ve found as they get older, filters definitely are lessened.
Maybe it’s just me, but I feel like “no gifts are necessary” is the worst of both worlds. Of course, no gifts are ever necessary, but the message I’m getting is, of course people would give gifts, but if you really don’t want to…
And to respond to the original question, if the invitation says “no gifts” then don’t bring a gift to the party! If this is someone you feel the need to give something to for whatever reason, then give it to them at a different time!
Oh and I agree that a hostess gift is a different thing from an event gift, and usually I don’t see that there would much overlap. People don’t usually host gift-giving-occasion parties for themselves.
