<p>Since I was young I was always seen as an eccentric who seemed to have an uncanny ability for math. In my elementary school people were amazed at the alacrity to which I loved doing mental calculations. As I entered middle school, it was no different: people still were baffled at how I found such a strange subject that they deplored to be exceedingly fun. In my high school AP Calculus is seen to many to be the hardest class and that only people who wish to challenge themselves take it. I, on the other hand, took it to have fun. I believe that I recieved this ability for Math from my family. My family has always encouraged me to do my best, regardless of the circumstances, and because of it, I have shaped my dreams and aspirations.</p>
<p>This is for essay B. Is this sound like an o.k. intro paragraph? I mean I am kind of confused. Can I go and talk about how they adjusted (they were immigrants) to america, etc.? I mean it kind of seems like I am rambling. However this is my first 1/4 of the essay… how many words should i have ? Should I have 500 words exact or is it ok to have… say 400? I am rather distressed over this… its my first essay and I feel soo alone…</p>
<p>They always say “around 500 words.” However, my long essay to MIT last year was 800 words (I realdy cut it five times!). Your essay is OK, I guess. I don’t think you really grab reader’s attention though. Many people (in fact, most of the applicants to MIT) can write about the same content as what you did in your intro. I think you need to write something more impressive with more concrete details.</p>
<p>Ok I will do that. But Can I talk about how my parents were immigrants. And that they always taught me to ask questions (i will elaborate on this)? Is that ok to talk about. Oh yeah I have no clue how to write a conclusion paragraph for a college essay… I don’t want it to be like Therefore blah blah.
How do I write it?
Also can I end it with “That’s why I want to come to MIT” or something cheesy like that? My cousin told me this kid god denied from NYU (I thin it was this) because he talked about wanting to see NYC and NY. He didn’t tie it in to the college in other words. So should I add that></p>
<p>Your parents are immigrants, what does that have to do with you? The essay has to be about you and only you. Colleges are admitting you, not your parents. Remember that when writing the essay. You can talk about others, but constantly tie it back to you and how you are a good fit for MIT.</p>
<p>Also, about 500 words means do not write a book. You could push it to 1000 if it is all necessary and good, but shouldn’t really exceed 750 with good taste. You can cut some of the rhetoric and repetition and ornamental sentences, but if you are a little over they wont notice.</p>
<p>I think you are trying to make your essay sound too intelligent by throwing in unnecessary words. In my opinion, the words “alacrity” and “exceedingly” (though it’s certainly not an uncommon word) make the intro less personal than it should be. Whether you’re meaning to or not, it kind of sounds like you’re trying to impress the reader with your vocabulary. I would focus more on creativity and the story. </p>
<p>And recieved should be received.</p>
<p>I think it’ll be a good essay…just try to grab the reader’s attention more by maybe immediately letting the reader know about the story you plan on telling (your immigrant experience, I presume).</p>
<p>Thanks people. I forgot that I am going to send this essay to a couple cousins for critique… What I meant was about the immigrant thing was that I eventually learned to ask “whY?”. Like I questioned others about things etc. Thats what I am trying to tie it into MIT.</p>
<p>you used alacrity incorrectly – it should be “with” not “to” — just saying – and you don’t have to use an extensive vocabulary to make your point – if you can’t effectively incorporate large words into your prose they probably aren’t appropriate for the essay. Also, your essay has to be interesting, the last thing you want is your essay serving as a soporific for the admissions officer.</p>
<p>As far as the immigrant idea – its good, but you’ll have to prove the correlation between your parents’ status as immigrants and your person – otherwise it will just be extraneous information. </p>
<p>Just a thought— could you delve more into “why” you thought math was fun? If you get into that, perhaps it would be easier to wind the essay up with a connection to why you currently enjoy it and how you’d like to continue it in the future.</p>
<p>Thanks guys for all these suggestions. What I meant by the why part is that I always question my teachers whenever we do something, usually in math. I ask how you derive something or why it works etc. seems kinda weak…</p>
<p>you’re good at math. I dont think that makes you THAT special among MIT applicants. I would pick a different topic so as not to appear a big fish in a small pond who let it get to his head. </p>
<p>(don’t get me wrong you could be really great at math, but please please let the reader infer that, don’t pound it into our heads, that’s really obnoxious)</p>
<p>Right. Maybe make it into a story instead? Something really interesting that’ll demonstrate your love of math and questioning derived from the experiences of your parents.</p>
<p>I’ll be as honest as I can be: I think that your introduction just sounds like boasting. You’re really sounding arrogant. I <em>really</em> know that you probably aren’t; you are just trying to convey your special ability in math. However, boasting is never the right way to do so. Basically, you are just saying: I’m really good in maths. So what? Doesn’t tell much about your personality; everybody at MIT is good at maths. Instead, try to focus on why you’re good at it, or, even better, try to show them why you are so passionate about it. Start with something unconvential, something that startles the adcom, something unexpected.</p>
<p>gyros321, what’re you trying to talk about? Your math ability, your supportive family or the fact that your parents are immigrants? I think for this essay, you can start with something unique to your family (not your math talent, as other people said). Describe mom and dad, for example :).</p>
<p>(1) The essay is not meant to be a report, it is meant to be an insight into who you are. Make it personal rather than clinical, if you can.</p>
<p>(2) Post on the Parents Forum, describing the prompt you are addressing and asking if anyone would read your intro and plan for the essay and help guide you into next steps. You will find several parents are likely to offer to help.</p>