Does your college affect marriage?

Parents Forum
1

I am a senior in high school and I told my mother today that I DO NOT want to apply to an Ivy League (or top 15) school. She was a little bit disappointed and told me that it may affect my marriage.

Then this question came to my mind. Will an Ivy League girl ever reject me because I am less educated, or if I went to a lower college? (I am aiming at a UC school, but also might consider community college and transfer if tuition turns out to be too high) This brings me to the next question, will an Ivy League girl ever reject me if I started my college career at a community college, but then transferred to a top school even if it is the Ivy League?

Thanks to anyone who read through this thread. Any comments/replies will be much appreciated.

Thanks again!

2

You might want to rethink this. The probability of you meeting an Ivy League girl at CC (of even a UC) is slightly above zero (depending on proximity to an Ivy League school). The probability of you meeting an Ivy League girl if you attend an Ivy League school is 100%. Chances of you meeting your spouse in college is around 30% or greater. IOW you probably donā€™t need to worry about meeting an Ivy League girl.

3

@CU123 i also agree with ā€œIOW you probably donā€™t need to worry about meeting an Ivy League girl.ā€ but my mom wants me to be with someone educated lol

4

Amazing schools are everywhere. So naturally, these schools will produce amazing and educated women.

But they wont be Ivy Leaguers. ?

5

Anything can cause a girl to reject you, including the shoes you wear. However, the question is whether any girl who is worth marrying will not marry you if you didnā€™t attend an Ivy league college, and the answer is ā€œof course not, what a silly ideaā€.

Ivy league students make up about 0.5% of all college students. Last I checked, 99.5% of young people in the USA werenā€™t suffering in their matrimonial opportunities because they do not belong to those 0.5%.

Furthermore, your mother is not only wrong, but the fact point to the exact opposite is true - Ivy league students are less likely to get married: https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2018/03/29/upshot/college-marriage-class-differences.html

Show that article to your mother.

BTW, if you attend University of Michigan, you may get turned down for marriage by a graduate of the Ohio State University (she may also turn you down if you call it Ohio State, instead of THE Ohio State, so be warned).

6

@OhiBro hahaha so true

7

@MWolf Is that article saying success after college is more important than the college you attend when it comes to marriage?

8

There are brilliant people out there in all the schools! My son has the most brilliant gf that I can imagine and they go to a ā€œlesserā€ state school. He will be going to vet school next year and she is already published and will be going to medical school in a year. She had what it takes to be competitive for acceptance at an Ivy but with 5 kids in her family but too high an income to get need based aid. the scholarship with full tuition full room and board in state was it! There are plenty of extremely smart students at the state colleges. They donā€™t have the IVY tag but will be plenty ā€œeducated!ā€

9

Some college graduates do meet their eventual spouses while in college, so attending a given college does increase the likelihood of meeting an eventual spouse from the same college (see https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation/2013/10/15/college-marriage-facebook/2989039/ ). That may be what your mother was thinking of.

It seems that college prestige is much more important to your mother than it is to you.

10

A good portion of persons meet their spouse in college, so attending an Ivy League college (for either undergrad or grad) would likely increase odds of marrying someone from that Ivy League college. However, the majority of persons attending Ivies are focused on academics rather than meeting their future spouse, and instead meet their spouse after college, who more often than not attended a different college.

If you are really obsessed with marrying someone from the Ivy League, then there are various dating apps/websites that allow you to search by name of college attended, so you could identify and message ā€œIvy League girlsā€ directly. This brings up an important point about why you want to marry an ā€œIvy League girlā€? Do you think Ivy League girls have specific traits that cannot be found in women who attended non-Ivy colleges?

Iā€™d expect that most ā€œIvy League girlsā€ are not this obsessed about only marrying Ivy League guys and would not reject you solely because you attended a non-Ivy college. Or maybe thatā€™s the kind of girl you are looking for? Ones that share unique, specific beliefs about college attended?

11

@Data10 I donā€™t really care where my significant other go. Iā€™m just afraid that in the future, if I happened to be into someone that apparently went to a top school, I will get rejected solely because I didnā€™t attend a top 15 school. But thank you, you have answered my question!

12

I attended a college, several decades ago, which had recently started to admit women. The administration didnā€™t really know what to do with most of us females. In my junior year, they had an event (maybe 30 female juniors showed up), to give us the low-down on what they assumed our near future would hold. They showed us what a young bride would store in her Hope chest, and they taught us how to identify good bone China.

In senior year, they gathered those of us women headed to grad/medical/law school, because we were worrisome. The concern was that they believed that women rarely ā€˜married down.ā€™ Meaning the level of degree (not so-called prestige of the school, but years of schooling). The point was we were to snatch our husbands up ASAP because once we were more highly credentialed, our pickings would get really small.

I somehow managed to find a mate, who did share my level of education but attended a CC to start and finished at tiny SUNY. We are still married, 31 years later, and he is the luckiest man alive, apparently. :relaxed:

13

I think you may need to worry more about a girl not wanting to marry you because she wants nothing to do with your mom.

You may also want to rethink the kind of girl you want to marry if sheā€™s only interested in you because of a Top 15 education.

1 Like
14

This is so many shades of icky. Do yourself a favor. Apply to one Ivy league for mummy, show her the the application and then pat her on the head and call it a day : ) No woman worth marrying will give a spit if you went to an Ivy league.

15

If a potential life partner rejected you because you didnā€™t go to an Ivy League then Iā€™d say they were shallow and not worth your energy.

The most brilliant person I knew (he has passed on) never went to college at all.

16

My circle of friends, my kidsā€™ circles of friends include some graduated from elite schools and some graduates of trade schools. All are ā€œeducatedā€.

Does your mom mom hope that the first question you ask a new date is ā€œwhat college did you graduate from?ā€ If soā€¦that is not likely the foundation for a strong relationship. You need more to look at why you are compatible, your shared interests, and the like.

There are plenty of well education people who donā€™t attend Ivy League schools. I hope if you meet a significant other from a public university or school out of the top 20, that your parent will welcome them.

17

If a girl rejects you just because you did not go to certain school you donā€™t want to be with that girl:)

18

Well, youā€™re putting the cart about 10,000miles before the horse, but Iā€™ll jump in. Why does your future wife have to be from the Ivy League? Isnā€™t the girl who got a full ride to a great state U just as good? What about a brilliant nurse? How about some incredibly talented musicians like BeyoncĆ© and Katy Perry, who didnā€™t go to college at all? Is your mom going to say no to them? What about women who have graduated summa cum laude from U Michigan, or Amherst College? What about some incredibly intelligent women like Kerry Washington who graduated top of the class from GWU, or Eva Longoria, with a masters from CSU Northridge? What about some as-yet-unknown incredible groundbreaker like Madame Curie or Sally Ride? What about Florence Nightingale, or Malala , who put their lives at risk to help others? Are these ladies good enough for your mom?

Maybe you should let life happens and see who you meet, rather than worrying about what your mom thinks. One thing is certain: women will not be impressed by a guy whose mom wonā€™t think she is good enough for you.

19

Iā€™m sure Mom means well, but thatā€™s the most ridiculous thing Iā€™ve heard all week. Sheā€™s emotionally shaming you into going to a school SHE wants you to go to. If a woman you meet is going to measure you up by college brand name, then that woman clearly isnā€™t mature enough to be married anyway, because she hasnā€™t mastered the concept of unconditional love. Marriage doesnā€™t work that way.

20

If we limited marriage to people who had ā€œmastered the concept of unconditional love,ā€ there would be very, very few marriages happening.