My daughter will be starting grad school in 2018 (she was supposed to start this year, but took a deferment due to mental and physical health challenges.) The physical issues are mostly resolved, but she has suffered from anxiety disorder her entire adult life. In spite of this, she graduated summa cum laude from a well-regarded LAC, even though the stress practically killed her.
The only reason she is going to grad school is because she needs this specific degree to launch her career. She is not a slacker, and absorbs knowledge very quickly and easily, but gets very stressed about having to do things perfectly. I’ve told her that all she really needs to do in grad school is get Bs and pass. (I don’t even remember my grad school GPA, and yet the degree got me my first job after earning my master’s). I don’t think there is much measurable difference in acquired knowledge in someone who graduates with a 3.0 vs one who ends up with a 4.0.
Does this make sense? I know it would be devastating to her to give up on a dream just because she felt she couldn’t measure up to some self-inflicted standard. My concern is that she will start school, and then all of the stress and anxiety from her college and high school years will come roaring back. She has this concern as well, which is why I am posting here.
And yes, she has a therapist and yes, she is on medication, and yes, she exercises, and yes, she has friends and support, and yes,…you get the picture.
@intparent If a Ph.D. student has a GPA hovering around the minimum required there is a chance that she will not pass the qualifying exams, at least not on the first attempt. Also less than stellar performance in doctoral coursework may make faculty less willing to be the student’s dissertation supervisor. That would apply for Ph.D. students regardless of field.
A lot of it depends on what attributes potential employers look to for when hiring. For example my D is in grad school living with two friends and they are all studying very different things – for her friend in law school GPA is very important in determining what type of firm a she will get a job at, GPA doesn’t seem to be as critical for my D who is studying speech pathology, and her friend in a master’s program in writing takes all of her classes P/F. I think your D will have to figure out what is needed to find employment she will be happy with in her area of study.
I am so happy your D is doing well and hope she has a great and relatively stress-free experience in grad school.
You need to check the policy of the program. My masters required a 3.0 to be maintained (actually…so did my undergrad), but in MY masters program you could NOT get more than one C grade. If you did…you were asked t9 withdraw.
Yes…I should add that in my S’s master’s program a 3.0 cumulative GPA was needed for graduation and in my D’s master’s program one needs to earn a C+ or better in a course to get credit. That said, it sounded to me like the professors were all aware of these parameters and seem to grade accordingly.
Thanks, all! I’m not concerned about her flunking out–she’s never made a C in her life. The issue is that she should feel permission to let herself make a bunch of Bs if that’s what she needs to do to stay sane. Her “all As or else” attitude in the past was seriously unhealthy.
I got a master’s and then went looking for a job. There is only one company ever that has asked me what my grades were. This was Bell Labs, which of course hasn’t existed for years. When I got my master’s there was someone else in the program who had pretty much straight B’s. I am pretty sure that she got a good job immediately after graduation.
If she might want to get a PhD after her master’s then grades will matter. Otherwise I don’t think that they will matter at all as long as she has the grades to graduate.
There is the old saying: What do you call someone who gets an MD degree with all B’s and C’s? Answer: Doctor.
Interestingly architecture school at Columbia was pass-fail - the job search was all about the portfolio and connections.
I have several friend who became priests or ministers - I have no idea what their first job search was like, but mostly it appeared to be about your connection with who would be doing the hiring.
I work at a church as an admin, and I see all the resumes, have compiled test questions, typed up reviews, recommendations, and reports to the governing body. What matters, at least in this denomination, is the person’s understanding of Scripture and their ability to preach, along with the ability to deal with people from multiple backgrounds and issues. I have never once seen a GPA listed on any resume for any position. Even our interns still in grad school are hired and assessed based on recommendations, and their plans for what they will do while with us.
My concern for your DD with such deep anxiety and the need to be perfect is how she will meet the every-day and very common challenges of working with a congregation (if that is her plan). Over the years I’ve seen some really ugly blow ups involving long-timers who hate change and attack the pastor and anyone who sides with him/her, or who resist new programs/people/prayers/songs/what have you. A pastor needs to have a VERY thick skin and be able to stand up to all manner of bullying and even name calling. This seems to happen in many denominations from what I’ve been privy to. I think that’s probably why GPA matter less than the candidate’s ability to relate to others as a key reason a person will be hired or not. Obviously the other is understanding and interpretation of Scripture. I’m simplifying, obviously, but having just been through yet another drama-filled blow-up, I wouldn’t want to minimize your DD’s ability to handle things like this. Having perfect grades won’t help a bit in those situations.
She is actually studying to be a hospital chaplain, so no preaching necessary! (She converted to Roman Catholicism l two years ago, so ordination is not open to her.)
@sseamom , I hear you! I was the education director for my former church and definitely saw the ugly underbelly of congregational life. I was truly stunned by the vicious behavior of some of the old-timers, who directed their wrath at our pastor because of his “crime” of being African in a predominantly white church.
My daughter is socially adept and good at standing up for what is right, even though she is an empath (not as Deanna Troi “woo” as it sounds!). Her harshest critic is herself, but she is working on that. She has interviewed many of the chaplains at the Boston-area hospitals to see how they cope with the emotional strain of witnessing and bearing other people’s suffering, and realizes she has a lot to learn. But her degree takes three years to complete, and I know some maturing will happen during those years.