Dog-sitting Dilemna- what would you do?

Parent Cafe
1

<p>I frequently dog-sit for a neighbors dog. She is a sweet dog and we are happy to take care of her in short spurts. I feel like a dog grandma-- I get to enjoy and spoil her for a few days and then give her back :slight_smile: We never ask for a thing in return (not that that matters).</p>

<p>They asked if we could watch her for 10 days over the upcoming holiday and both weekends. Because my DH will be out of town and I have a crazy work schedule plus after-work commitments next week, I offered to take her this weekend through the 4th, drop her at the vet for boarding Tues morning, pick her up again Fri and keep her until they pick her up the following Mon. morning. These are nice neighbors that we’ve done social things with. I gave their dau a graduation gift, My DH and her DH are in the same field and want to keep a good working relationship, etc. They plan to drop her off Sat night.</p>

<p>The dog is now elderly and has had some health issues. I’ve had several questions about the logistics (what time does the vet open so I am sure I can get her there before my work day on Tuesday, can she be sure to give them permission to let me drop off/pick up the dog and can she arrange payment so I don’t have to deal with that, etc). I’ve asked her to call me and have left her a voicemail, as these emails have gone back and forth and it is so much easier to discuss the arrangements via phone. She emailed me that she got in late and couldn’t call, but would call the next day. That was 3 days ago.</p>

<p>I emailed her last night to ask what emergency vet she uses for after hours/holidays/Sundays should her dog have an issue? Her email response was that she has never needed to use an emergency vet, but she thought the one about 15-20 minutes from here would be ok, but she would write me a DNR for her dog “if anything happens”, and she followed up the “DNR” with the written out “do not recusitate” (lol, as if I did not know, being in the health field). I thought that sounded awful, and said so in my response to her. I told her that since her dog has had some health issues, there could be an issue, and I didn’t think I could do that with someone elses dog. This was again email, over 24 hrs ago, and I haven’t heard a peep since then. </p>

<p>My DH will be home for the weekend and I am in the process of making plans. Remember, they want to drop the dog off Sat night. I don’t plan to wait to make our plans, but now have no idea if I am still expected to dog sit or not. I don’t feel I should have to keep reaching out to her, especially since I’ve asked her twice to call, but I do want to be clear with what her expectations are and my comfort level is. There is a huge gap between taking the do got the vet if she is having some health issues vs pulling the plug and taking her off life support!! It is her dog and decisions about what/how much care she wants to give her are hers, but I want some parameters. The dog is in no discomfort-- she’s just old, deaf, has some GI issues, maybe some heart issues common in the breedn but they attribute her cough to something else)and has had at least one seizure (for which they chose not to do much in the way of follow up given her age).</p>

<p>Do I assume, given the lack of contact, that she took my response to mean that I was unwilling to take the dog (thats not what I said or meant)? I don’t feel its my responsibility to call her, but this sure seems inconsiderate of her given the favor and stuff we are willing to do. We don’t want to burn any bridges with them, and my DH wants to maintain a nice working relationship with her DH, but to be honest, I don’t feel I should have to work this hard to do someone else a favor. What would you do? Just assume they made other arrangements and go on our merry way???</p>

2

<p>Hmmm. I think I would reach out one more time and if its not to awkward, in person. Would it be possible for you to stop by and talk to her? I agree that it isn’t your responsibility but since you have had a good relationship with them and your husband want to maintain a good business relationship, I would give it one more shot. Besides, are you going to be comfortable later if you let it go like this?</p>

3

<p>I don’t know her schedule, and would rather not have to stop by, to be perfectly honest. I may email her to let her know that we are making plans for Sat night so we need to set a time for them to bring the dog by, but also that I’d like her to call beforehand so we can discuss these details. The bulk of teh time I will ahve the dog (Sat night through the hoiday and the folowing weekend) the regular vet, who we used to use when our dog was alive and is nearby, will be closed, so I will have to deal with an emergency facility if there is a problem.</p>

4

<p>You sound like a terrific friend, and like you really value so much about your friendship with this person. Maybe the whole thing - dog getting old, denial about losing your dog, guilt, fear- just makes the whole thing awkward all around. People get weird around death and grief it seems. </p>

<p>If I were in your shoes, I’d contact her one more time to find out what’s up (on the sitting, on what to do). No not your responsibility as you’ve gone beyond the call of duty for a friend but what the heck, it’s just a call and it sounds like you value your friendship and the dog sitting (or so that would be my logic if I were you but only you can weigh the cost and value of calling or not). You obviously don’t want that responsibility (and I wouldn’t blame you!), and she maybe (at some level) is dreaming of also not having that responsibility or avoiding being there when the dreaded day comes, and she might feel hurt/judged because you were so straightforward (understandably). </p>

<p>On a more practical note, maybe the compromise should be you could take her to the ER or vet, you have a way for the vet to reach her, and the vet talks directly with your friend to make any serious decision about the dog’s health. Almost no where in the world these days someone can’t be reached by phone.</p>

5

<p>I have a not-elderly dog with numerous health issues and I have made it very clear to my dog sitter that only palliative treatment is to be given–in short, she has a DNR order. Veterinary treatment can be horrendously expensive–I have friends who have spent many thousands of dollars–and I think your friend is quite sensible to stipulate her limits up front.</p>

<p>That said, if you’re not comfortable following her desires for her dog, I think she’s best off finding a person or facility who is comfortable doing so. You describe an elderly dog who is failing; I expect your friend is quite cognizant of that.</p>

6

<p>I have had elderly dogs before that I have left with friends or at a kennel. The way I have always handled it was simply to leave my cell number with the care taker. The vet can always talk directly to me then. If for some reason they couldn’t reach me, my vet knows my feelings. Your friend should talk to the vet beforehand and have them have an understanding as to what to do.</p>

<p>Now as for this weekend, I would call her again- not email. Miscommunications are what usually causes problems in this situation. Have her write down what her intentions for her dog are. How much money does she want to spend and how far does she want to go health care wise. I would be very upfront as these are emotional minefields. The good news is that the dog will probably be fine and you got some new gray hairs for no reason. Best of luck. You sound like a very considerate person.</p>

7

<p>I agree that its her dog and her choice, but for the bulk of the time I’ll have the dog on the weekends/holiday, the regular vet will be closed and she has told me she has no relationship with the emergency clinics.</p>

<p>She probably doesnt remember that our dog (same breed) died at home, and I don’t want to go through that again. Plus, as others have astutely mentioned, maybe she doesnt want that issue on her head either. That said, she was not willing to have anything done when her dog had a seizure. Said “shes 13. Not spending any money” or words to that effect. Her daughter is leaving for college in the fall. Only child. Its her dog. What would she think if her dog “died” on my watch?</p>

8

<p>This is the problem with email. Call the person or go over to the house and knock on the door. You need to speak with her and hash this out. If you don’t feel comfortable with the arrangement then don’t do it. She can always board the dog the entire time if needed or skip her vacation.</p>

9

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<p>I don’t think most pet owners do. I can think of less than a handful of times in almost 16 years that we had to use one. But I knew where it was and what their hours were. And most importantly, if there is an issue (especially since you have an already established familiarity with her vet’s office), when you speak to the on-call vet, they will most likely recommend which emergency clinic they prefer. If she has not used one, then the vet will be the most informed on which one to go to.</p>

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<p>I agree that you sound like a great friend to be willing to do such a large favor for your neighbors! And I don’t think it should be this difficult. When you’re willing to have the dog for such a long period (two weekends, including a holiday weekend; dropping off and picking up from the vet during the work week), it seems to me that the neighbors should be making this as easy as possible for you. It would have been nice if they’d picked up on your concerns about the dog’s health and responded right away about emergency care. Maybe they’re trying to get an emergency vet lined up now and she hasn’t called you because plans aren’t firmed up yet?</p>

<p>I have to say that, if I were going out of town for 10 days and had a elderly pet, I’d only leave the animal with a professional sitter or a family member who owed me big time (i.e., one of my kids :D). I know you’ve enjoyed caring for the dog in the past, but that’s a big favor!</p>

11

<p>Thanks everyone. I checked the regular vet’s website and they say that after hours you have to call an emergency vet . They do not have a Dr on call after hours. </p>

<p>I am going to see if I can finalize my plans for Sat night (we are supposed to go out with some other neighbors) and then either call or email the dog owner to tell her what our plans are, and what time it will be convenient for them to bring the dog. I will also let them know I’d like to be sure I have all their contact information (cell phones, etc) should I need to reach them in an emergency, and confirm the procedures should there be a problem. </p>

<p>She lives about 2 blocks away in the neighborhood, and its already getting hot out. I think she works part time so its probably not likely I’ll get anyone home except the daughter if I pop by, and I dont want the dau in the middle of this.</p>

<p>The neighbors directly behind us used to have our now late dog’s 1/2 brother. We helped them rescue (get) their dog after we got ours, and it was wonderful to have two 2 dogs together frequently, as they grew up together and this way they could stay together. We used to routinely take care of each other’s dogs, with no questions asked, and always had a clear arrangement for what to do should anything happen. Perhaps that is why this is feeling so weird.</p>

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<p>Update: I just sent her an email that says:</p>

<p>" We are making plans to be out for dinner and a movie with friends tomorrow evening, so will need to coordinate what time is convenient for you to bring XXXXX over. I’d also like to be sure I have all your contact numbers (cell phones for you/XXX, etc) in case I need to reach you. Hopefully everything will be fine, but just in case there is an issue, since XXXXXX will be closed most of the time we will have XXXXXX, I want to be sure we are on the same page. Please call me during the day today or tomorrow (with the exception of from 12:30-1:30 today when I will be on a teleconference) so we can finalize everything. I much prefer to talk directly than to email."</p>

<p>Stay tuned. I hope this gets a response. (They had originally said they planned to bring the dog over after dinner Saturday, but we will be out and I am not cancelling plans to wait for a doggie drop-off)</p>

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<p>A good email. I hope you get a response that works for all of you.</p>

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<p>What teri said in post #9. Veterinary emergency clinics are just like ERs for humans - they do not want to establish relationships with their patients, they want the patients in and out as fast as possible, preferably alive and well. It is very kind of you to offer this type of help to your firend, and I hope she really appreciates it. Good luck!</p>

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<p>Thanks, dmd and bb.
As I think I mentioned, there is no “dr on call” at the regular vet. Their website simply refers clients to the emergency vets for after hours/weekend/holidays. There are 3 in the area, but the primary vet’s website mentions one in particular. I wasnt all that impressed with them when I had to use them for our cat, but that was a long time ago. If thats who they recommend, then I guess that’s who I’d use in a pinch.</p>

<p>From the last emergency the neighbor told me about, she was willing to spend very little $ on her dog. So while the ER vets definitely want to have a dog leave happy and healthy, the dog owner may not be willing to incur the cost for that.</p>

<p>Well, I am off to run errands, and will be out tonight. Still not a peep from the neighbor (who by the way lives in the neighborhood, but about 1/4 mi away). I am aware I am getting a bit bothered by her silence. Well, if we don’t hear and we are out when she wants to drop off the dog… I guess we’ll deal with that as it comes. My DH travels a lot and is home on the weekend. We aren’t gonna cancel plans and sit here waiting for them to drop off the dog. Sorry. No.</p>

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<p>Maybe she is the kind of person that doesn’t read email often. I would call and leave a voice mail, and print the email and drop it in her mailbox. If you don’t hear back from her after this, I would assume she doesn’t need/want you to keep the dog. She also may not be a plan ahead kind of person; my closest friend is like this and it drives me crazy! We will make plans for dinner and a movie early in the week and then on Saturday night at 6:00 she will call and see if we are still going out.</p>

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<p>I think you have done more than enough to accommodate your neighbor. The ball is in her court now.</p>

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<p>I got this response, with no mention of the “in case of emergency” issue:</p>

<p>“Will call you in the morning and coordinate a drop off. I need to pick up some more chow for her, and will do a morning walk since it gets so hot in the afternoon.”</p>

<p>I guess we’ll address it all when they drop her off. I am not comfortable writing their emergency plans. We’ll deal with it when they are here.</p>

19

<p>Type up your understanding of her instructions, tell her to sign it at drop off.</p>

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<p>Other than her saying she’d write a “DNR”, I have no clue what her instructions will be. Don’t know what she is willing to spend, etc. Really- this is HER job, IMO.</p>