<p>Hi,
I’m an 18 year old sophomore in college (19 next month) and I would say that I have relatively strict parents. My dilemma is that this summer I want to go on vacation with my roommate and a few other friends, here are some details:
We will be visiting a different island than the one I am from (live in the bahamas).
staying in an apartment rented out by and aunt which is walking distance form her house, my grandfather’s house and also my grandmother’s house.
at least one of my friends is a guy
I plan on funding the trip myself using money from my job.</p>
<p>The type of relationship that I’ve had with my parents is one of “you live under our roof, so our rules” and whenever I would try and discuss things with them, my dad would always shut down and leave it at “because I said so” without even letting me state my point of view and my mom never goes against him.</p>
<p>Here’s an example of a confrontation I had with them last summer. The legal drinking age in the bahamas is 18 and since I was of age I saw no problem with having the occasional drink. One day my dad looked into the refrigerator and saw that one of his beers were missing. He asked who took it and I told him it was me. He got upset, and at first I thought he was joking and so did my mom because we both started laughing. Then my dad started shouting, and I thought he was upset because it was his beer. But then he started yelling about how I was drinking behind his back and lying about it (which I wasn’t as I openly admitted to taking the beer) and he said things like how he didn’t start drinking until he was in his 20’s (a lie because I’ve heard him tell some of his college stories).</p>
<p>Now I am really apprehensive about asking my parents because its not just a simple “the worst they can do is say no”, the worst they can do is yell at me and punish me for even asking. And usually whenever I am saying something my dad doesn’t want to hear he will completely shut down and ignore everything I say after he says “no”.
However, this is something I really want to do and over the christmas break my parents attitudes towards my independence has changed somewhat, they now basically let me do what I want whereas before something as simple as me going to the movies required a day’s advanced notice and a discussion between the both of them. Also I’ve really tried to show my independence by getting good grades, and working a steady job.</p>
<p>Any advice or tips on how to approach this topic with my parents would be greatly appreciated. I am determined to have a mature, adult conversation with my parents.</p>
<p>I think I would lean towards telling rather than asking. Like: “Mom and Dad, Roomie and some friends and I are going over to Island X for a week and staying in that apartment Aunt D rents out. We want to visit the grandparents and friends we have over there and show Roomie the sights on the island. Aunt D is letting us have it for a great rate and I have saved enough to pay for my food, transportation, etc. Don’t worry about work - I have arranged for a little vacation, blah, blah, blah.”</p>
<p>If they see that you have made the plans, thought out the problems (how will you get around, etc.), they will see you behaving as a responsible adult and not as a spastic teenager :)</p>
<p>I also agree with sylvan. My older D (she’s 21 now) has taken a few vacations/road trips with friends over the past few years, and her approach is much like what sylvan suggests. Since D1 plans well and is organized, there is no drama. (DH gets worried, but that’s what fathers do when their little girls go off on adventures.)</p>
<p>Now my younger D, a college freshman, flys by the seat of her pants. Her style is more “Mom, some new friends that I met at the carwash last Saturday are driving up to NYC tonight to see a band at a club. Afterwards we’ll crash at so-and-so’s cousin’s friend’s apartment. Can I go?” We of course say “no”; so far we’ve been fortunate that D2 doesn’t play the “Well I’m 18 so i can do what I want” card.</p>
<p>But, if D2 ever comes to us with a well-thought out plan such as sylvan suggests, we’ll gladly “let” her go (after we pick ourselves up off the floor)</p>
<p>Thanks for the advice guys! I did exactly what you said. I kinda led into it by asking my mom what “Aunt D’s” rates were and told her what my plan was and she was perfectly fine. Now it hasn’t been run by my Dad yet, but it looks like my plan is a go. My summer just got a thousand times better.</p>
<p>That’s great punkchique! I’m sure you’ll have a good time. If you try to anticipate what your parents concerns will be, it’s more likely you can head them off at the pass. (True also of bosses btw).</p>
<p>If I were your parents, I would be most concerned that my kid and friends not do anything in Auntie’s apartment that would reflect badly on them…for life! Be sure your friends all know, no frat style shenanigans and leave is extra clean and neat. Impress them with your maturity</p>
<p>@ sylvan, I already have, boys and girls in separate rooms, no alcohol, they’re gonna meet everyone who will be coming before we head off, plus its a really small, close-knit island (only 400 people) so not much trouble to be getting into. Plus my aunt and grandfather are pretty strict. </p>
<p>@ somemom, fortunately I don’t hang out with frat-minded people, and I wouldn’t bring them around my parents anyway, they tend to be judgmental sometimes. But thanks, I plan on showing my parents that I deserved this freedom :)</p>
<p>Yes, it is a time for you & your friends to shine by getting along great with aunt & the locals. If you can leave the place even nicer than it is when you get there, that would be great (you can photograph everything when you arrive & be sure to return everything to its correct place if you move things around during your stay).</p>
<p>I went on trips with friends as well and told my folks my plans that were already set. They were OK with it–we stayed low budget & trusted us to have good judgment, including the companions we chose.</p>