<p>I’m so sorry.
Be ever present and supportive just like you’re doing, is my guess.</p>
<p>Also so sorry. Agree you need to find a counselor for you and Mom- to guide you.</p>
<p>I’m not sure if this came up on the prior thread but it can be critical for you to reevaluate her therapist. One who specifically deals with late hs and college age can often hone in better than a generalist. Agree a number of meds have problem side effects in teens. We found it very assuring that a psychiatrist was watching D2 (one she likes) and yes, it often takes changes to a teen’s Rx to find the right one. They can also monitor for when addl meds need to be added.</p>
<p>Thinking of you and your family…</p>
<p>@fightirishdad, as others have mentioned therapy is impt not only for your child but also for the whole family. Not just parents but siblings as well. I also remember your story. Your daughter has been through a lot this year. Perhaps, she should take the rest of the year off and get her on a full schedule of therapy. </p>
<p>@heavyheart, so sorry about your loss. Are you getting help or therapy?</p>
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<p>It varies by person, but keeping a proper sleep cycle is also important.</p>
<p>I read threads like this and I realize I don’t have any real problem.</p>
<p>fightingirishdad, I’m so sorry this is happening to your child. Please be sure to get help and support for yourself as well.</p>
<p>heavyheart, Please accept my condolences.</p>
<p>Yes, I have been in therapy since my son’s death. I wish my husband would go, but he has never been one for sharing feelings. I’ve learned everyone grieves in their own way and these things take time. Lots of it.</p>
<p>Thank you all so much for your support/comments - sorry it has taken so long to respond.</p>
<p>@heavyheart: I’m so incredibly sorry for your loss. D is 17 yrs, and her “method” was pills (which is why we didn’t realize it was an attempt right away.) I also feel as I may have been underestimating how serious her depression was.</p>
<p>For those of you who mentioned switching therapists, I think I’m going to consider that. I feel like our current therapist has not really been helping as much as she could have. I might also try switching antidepressants - the ones she was on seemed to be working, but maybe she just hasn’t found the right ‘fit.’</p>
<p>@emeraldkity4: I really liked your oxygen mask analogy. It is so easy to forget that sometimes. For D, a lot of it is just the stress of college; it’s almost sickening. We don’t put pressure on her, for the most part, but I feel like her friends put this subliminal stress on her that any college less than top 20 is worthless. </p>
<p>It’s just this destructive cycle of her wanting to go to some amazing college, but because she’s so depressed, she isn’t performing as well as she could, and she beats herself up for it. All we want is for her to be happy and healthy, but the reality is that our opinion doesn’t matter as much as that of her peers does.</p>
<p>This was discussed a lot in my earlier thread, as those of you who remember me know (thank you all so much for your kind words). She was talking to [younger] S at dinner the other day and said “I swear, if I don’t get into a prestigious school next year, I’m going to kill myself.” I didn’t think she was this serious.</p>
<p>I wish there was a solution, but the reality is that there isn’t. No matter what anyone says, she refuses to change this way of thinking, which makes it so much more worrying for us, being unable to help her.</p>
<p>i suspect that your daughter will be referred to a psychatric hospital for at least 72 hours. PLEASE find the best facility available, and push for a 3 week stay. Family sessions at least once a week should be part of the program. The right program, with a treatment team of psychiatrist, therapists, OT, lots of groups, could make a world of difference.</p>
<p>Heavyheart, I am just so sorry.</p>
<p>I am so sorry this is happening in your family. It’s really tough. But you definitely are not alone. DON’T beat yourself up over not realizing how deep your daughter was hurting. The guilt trip you’re probably taking and it’s emotional energy is better placed elsewhere. Your D is probably very good at hiding her feelings and trying to put on a good face–she wants to feel better and acting better helps. She’s smart and probably thought she could deal with it. Which she did until it started crashing. Sounds like school pressure, her own expectations of herself, her friends suicide (a very big thing), add in hormones, have created an exceptional toll of your daughter.</p>
<p>Sometimes people on antidepressants do attempt suicide–oftentimes it’s because they are actually on an upswing (contradictory I know) since they finally gain enough energy to do it. Hopefully meds will help her. If not the one she is on, then another–they can have very different effects on people even within the same drug class. And it does NOT mean she’ll be on them forever.
My main advice is to really back her up in finding therapy that fits her. Not all therapists are created equal. Sometimes the school has suggestions for therapists who specialize in teens (she is not the only one!). She needs to really like and trust her therapist in order to open up–otherwise she dutifully goes and tolerates a session without accomplishing a thing for herself. A psychiatrist needs to prescribe meds but a good separate therapist who works through problems and can teach coping skills is worth their weight in gold. And if the first two therapists don’t click or aren’t helping, try again. Don’t hesitate.
She needs to know that it’s okay to tell you “I need help right now. Take me someplace” without you falling apart–you’re the strong one. You’re job is to back her up.
TRY to not take things out of context with your daughter–every down moment, every time she gets upset about something is not a cause for instant alarm. She’s still a teenager with regular feelings. Don’t spend the next months saying “how are you feeling now?” like the verizon “can you hear me now, and now, and now?”
You’ll probably see ups and downs (she’s doing great! Now she isn’t!). Her ups and downs will feel like your own. You’ll stay worried long after things level off for her most likely. That’s why it’s important that she learns to not battle this alone and that it’s NO reflection on her to ask for help. You’ll have the peace of mind that she’ll get help.
Good thoughts to you that things look up!</p>
<p>Just one more thought–the “exceptional toll” I mentioned is very real. The depletion of brain chemicals that will cause depression is very real. It’s physiological and not any reflection on character in the least. And you can’t “just get over it” or “talk them out of it”. It doesn’t need a huge deep seated trauma or anything else. The depletion can be caused by emotional or physical causes. No sleep, constant pressure, constant activity, added trauma (divorce, deaths) can be plenty enough. Soldiers in pain trying to remain “stoic” and stay off pain meds often deplete brain chemicals to the point of severe depression and irrational behavior just as an example.</p>
<p>I have absolutely no advice to offer but wanted to send positive thoughts and healing prayers your way and hers. Good luck with this.</p>
<p>Suicide snatched our family member. Looking back, there were many signs that this could actually happen, especially “the plan” - giving things away, calling people to thank, often the plan is in the works for a long time, and comes to a reality when things, from the depressed person’s point of view, are truly hopeless. Their perception of hopeless does not always match ours, or reality. Wishing there was a rewind button, and to possibly avoid the finality of a successful suicide these suggestions are offered:
-don’t ignore the signs
-if someone says they want to kill themselves, they can have a plan and might do it. any minute. Listen and watch carefully.
-get really good therapy. keep going until you find a therapist for the depressed person AS WELL as the family - it is usually a family dynamic, there is usually an enabler, one in denial, etc. and others that play a role
-medication. there are so many kinds, but usually one or a combo that works well for the individual.
-accept them for who they are, not who you wish them to be. They often suffer so with identity, self esteem (even though they can appear confident, competitive, etc).
-PRAY PRAY PRAY.
-depression is an illness. TALK to others about their experiences. The more we share, the more we can help others going through something similar.
-read as much as you can about the illness, and see if your loved one will read and learn, too.
-talk to your loved one, let them know you are there unconditionally and are not embarrassed of their actions or suicide attempt.
-keep getting them help. Don’t give up and don’t let your guard down. Depression does not just go away, but it can be controlled and modified with proper medication, therapy, love and acceptance.
-go with your gut feeling. I knew something was not right days before the suicide. don’t be afraid to commit someone or force help if it is an emergency situation. It may be the only chance you get.
May God bless you and help you through this time and my prayers for the safety of your daughter.</p>
<p>Springisintheair: so sorry that you have had to experience this and thank you for sharing. Each time we reach out we may have helped prevent at least one person having to go through this heartbreak.</p>
<p>fightingirishdad, I’m sending prayers and sympathy. I know you would do anything for your daughter. Your love for her comes through loud and clear: I’m sure she feels it.</p>
<p>springisintheair and heavyheart, I am so sorry to hear of your losses.</p>
<p>fdad,</p>
<p>I am so sorry that you have to go through this and write about it as well.</p>
<p>Some times Religion does work in your favor, although myself is an atheist. If you are not religious, it is a time start thinking of it.</p>