I proofread my sons’ essays for them, and you are right, they were not identical essays. Debate Son’s essays showed a level of writing skill and critical thinking, and greater awareness of the world developed from years of researching and writing speeches, debate cases, and newspaper articles that Sports Son’s essays did not have. That doesn’t deprecate the effect extracurricular activities has on college admissions prospects, it amplifies it. Debate Son’s extracurriculars didn’t just give him a bunch of high school accomplishments to list on his application, they taught him skills that not only made him able to write more compelling essays, but also demonstrate his better preparedness to do the critical thinking and writing that college work requires, and that graduate work and professional work will require, thanks to his choice of extracurricular activities.
The word “bias” often has negative connotations, but it’s not always a bad thing, and if whoever was reading both applications had a bias in preferring Debate Son over Sports Son, maybe it wasn’t subconscious, maybe it was fully conscious, and maybe it was because colleges are academic institutions, and should be biased to favor academically focused extracurricular achievements over athletic achievements.
I just feel bad because I feel like I may have let my son down. When Sports Son was recruited for the travel team in elementary school, I have to admit I felt a parental pride and excitement for him that overrode my misgivings about the time commitment (not to mention the cost), and also when you have twins, you want to see them have opportunities to have experiences and interests apart from each other, as individuals, which is why I didn’t say “no, you’re staying on the same soccer team as your brother.” Maybe it was my job as a parent not to just let my 8 year old do what he wanted in the moment, but think about the longterm consequences. I’m not just talking about college admissions, I think that choice and the time commitment it required, the road it sent him down, closed the door on a lot of future opportunities to find other things he might have loved more than sports. It narrowed his worldview compared to his brother, even affected his friend group, thrust him into social groups based on what teams he was on, that haven’t led him to having the kindest or most loyal friends, lots of backstabbing. And for what? He doesn’t plan to play any sports in college, and the surgeon who operated on his knee said it will probably give him trouble and need to be replaced when he’s my age.