<p>When my son was born, it was our dream for him to go to a top school. Over the years, we lived very frugally and stayed in the starter house we bought in 1987 for $70,000. Fast forward to high school. He was valdectorian, NMF, active in many activities. He was offered full rides to the state flagship and lots of other schools. He also got into the dream school, which did not offer any merit money. I told him that if he turned down one of the full rides, that we would probably only be able to fund 3 years of college. (Our 1st year efc was about equal to the coa.) In spite of my worries about how we would pay for this, we let him go. He did very well. Then the market crash of 2008 happened, and wiped us out. At the end of sophmore year, he told us that he wanted to stay another year so he could double major. We told him that we would not be able to do so because we had lost about 90% of our retirement. Things were also getting bad in our neighborhood with gang violence and home break-ins. He was very angry. He decided to borrow the money to attend the 1st semester of his senior year. He received 10 jobs offers before graduating. Two of them were over $150,000/year! He left school in December and started his job. I thought things were finally okay. Then last week, I received an email telling me that we were not invited to graduation. The reason is because we did not let him have the full 4 year experience. I am so heartbroken. We’re still living in our starter house in the bad neighborhood. My husband’s health has deteriorated trying to keep up his billable hours to pay for what we did pay for. (He made the mistake of working a lot the year before our son started college. This caused our efc to be high. Which caused him to work even more the following years just to keep up.) Parents, if your gut tells you it will be a stretch to pay for school - don’t do it.</p>
<p>I think your son is heartless and ungrateful.</p>
<p>I don’t know what to say… I am sorry that your son is so ungrateful. </p>
<p>Does he know of the sacrifices you made for him ? Why does he act so entitled ?</p>
<p>As a college student who is fortunate to enjoy enormous financial support from my family in paying for college, I think this kid is an entitled, ungrateful, and insensitive twit.</p>
<p>I don’t think your family should be forthcoming with any help for graduate school, wedding financing, or house-buying.</p>
<p>I find this all just unconscionable.</p>
<p>Are you kidding me? You put him in a position to make $150K coming out of school, and he blames you for what? Not getting “the full 4-year experience”? Something doesn’t smell right here. First post also. Hmmm</p>
<p>Not only that, you told him at the beginning that you would only be able to pay for three years if he went to this school!</p>
<p>I think one reason for his anger is that he doesn’t like the city where he’s working. His friends are all still at school on the opposite coast still living the life of students and he’s working the 9-5 grind of an adult.</p>
<p>Jobs in finance do pay very well.</p>
<p>Sorry to be suspicious, but I question the validity of this poster and especially the validity of the $150K job offers. My apologies if this is for real, but a brand new poster with this saga…</p>
<p>Yes it could be a ■■■■■, but I never second guess these posters. All I can say is that the young man has some issues. A lot of young adults go through a period of temporary insanity and hopefully that is what is happening to him. In my case, the insanity did not result in any $150K a year job and being told not to come to graduation. After more graduations that I have attended than I can count, I would not sorry about the sentiments, but not particularly sorry about missing the ceremony. I would send him a card with a note expressing my congratualtions, my love and an open invite to come home. Then I would focus on my own issues and wait for him to grow out of his idiocy. Not much else one can do.</p>
<p>I totally agree with MomofWildChild and cptofthehouse. You made his and your dreams for him a reality and he is now independent with a well paying job. I know parents whose kids just can’t seem to get their act together. Things could be worse.</p>
<p>$150K job offers in finance after only 3 years of college? Hmmmm…</p>
<p>Thanks for putting it into perspective Pea. It could be worse. I know the school sells videos of the ceremony. I will just order one and watch it. I am taking cptofthehouse’s idea and sending a card expressing my love. I wanted to lash out at my son about what we gave up, but I don’t think it will matter to him. Maybe hearing that we love him no matter what he does will be better.</p>
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<p>That is probably a good idea, however maybe a hard smack upside the head will do him some good too. Just saying. </p>
<p>Again, I am sorry. Maybe it’s time you and your husband move on with your life. Think of all the money you now don’t have to spend.</p>
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If he wants to dissociate you from his college experience then he should also go ahead and refund any moneys you paid towards the college and his support while he was in college so he can wash his hands of it.</p>
<p>Something clearly went wrong with this kid at some point. This is beyond a sense of entitlement.</p>
<p>This post does not make sense. No one is paying new grads $150K; “last week” is late to tell your parents not to come to graduation (since reservations would have been made months ago); the three years/wiped out/sophomore year stay to double-major thing doesn’t make sense (unless the son graduated in three years); and the “full four-year experience” in college? Huh? What’s so special about senior year in college?</p>
<p>I’m going with ■■■■■.</p>
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<p>This series of sentences caught my eye. You say you have enough to fund three years of college AND your EFC was equal to the COA of his college. Most schools that do not give merit aid are in the $50K per year range. If your EFC was that, your annual income was in the $150K range. </p>
<p>I guess I don’t understand the family finances here. Living frugally, still in starter home, EFC equal to the cost of attendance and enough money to pay for three years of college. I don’t get it. </p>
<p>If your story is true, I’m sorry for you. I do find it hard to believe that a college grad right out of school is earning as much as your family income. Just call me a dubious doubter.</p>
<p>I’m going with ■■■■■
Me too.</p>
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<p>Who the heck obsesses about where they are going to go to college let alone kindergarten when they are infants?
If they have all their fingers and toes & they can breathe on their own & seem to have all their senses working properly, it is a gift.</p>
<p>I’m not buyin’ it. :p</p>
<p>OP, can you understand why your post seems so odd? I have three kids, one who has graduated already and two who are about to. They all did very well in their job search prior to graduating but to say a new grad is earning $150,000 a year sounds like either he is telling you false information or he is extremely hard working and brilliant with a great resume. This however is not the point…your son sounds like a young man who needs a good swift kick in the pants. I am so sorry that he does not appreciate the amazing gift you have given him all of these years. Doing what he has done is the result of your hard work and dedication to his education. This does not sound like entitlement it sounds like he is angry and troubled about something. It is a very sad story.</p>
<p>momma-three, I thought you have said you have FOUR kids. :rolleyes:</p>