I asked a teacher to write me a recommendation. This is a teacher that I have built relationships with and can speak highly about me. However, I do not want them to mention something in the application- it is an unfortunate event that happened to me when I was younger. I’m worried that my teacher will mention it in her recommendation because this is an event that happened to me as a child and has not really affected me a lot as a teenager, and my counselor does not know about it- my teacher may mention it because it was a pretty complicated situation for me when I was a child and she thinks that it is an interesting situation. I just don’t want her to write about it and colleges think that I’m lying. I’m very anxious. Is it appropriate to ask this teacher to not mention this in her recommendation? Or should I just ask her to not write me one and rescind my request?
Something to clarify: this situation that happened that my teacher may mention DID happen, but it happened in my childhood and I don’t think that it has affected me a lot but my teacher thinks that it did- this is why I don’t consider it an extenuating circumstance and why my counselor doesn’t know about it.
Why would they think you are lying? If you weren’t lying, then it is probably okay. Heck, it may very well be extenuating, and could help you. If you were in foster care, overcame a serious health challenge, arrived in this country via an interesting story, etc - these things could help your admissions. Maybe your teacher is right, and you should tell your counselor.
@intparent If colleges wanted more information and called my counselor, she would not have knowledge of it since I didn’t tell her. I don’t think the event that happened to me is that serious and has not had an impact on me in middle school or high school; it happened before the age of 10 and I’m 18 now. That’s why I don’t want it mentioned since it isn’t something that has really shaped me into the person I am. Is it appropriate for me to ask my teacher to not have it mentioned?
You might be right. I am just worried about it causing any confusion for the college since my counselor does not know about this and won’t be able to verify it if a college asks. I just think it’ll be safer if my circumstance was not mentioned. @intparent
Your teacher can always reference a “difficult situation” or “challenge” without actually naming the event itself. It would be perfectly reasonable for you to request that.
Unless “when I was a child” = “when I was a freshman”, it truly doesn’t belong in the LOR because it doesn’t speak to the student you are now. If this teacher has known you a particularly long time (since before you were ten), it would be a shame to withdraw your request for them to write you the LOR. Hopefully the teacher has forgotten about the incident, but if not, I would bet s/he would be professional enough not to mention it as it is likely not germane to your likely college performance.
So, you could ask the teacher not to mention it. Maybe call it, “my privae details that I only shared with you.”
But don’t worry a college is going to get all complicated on you. They know some kids have private things they don’t reveal. And yours happened in the past, not now. They won’t call the GC to confirm some distant event.
But from an adult perspective, agree with intparent that, sometimes, what you overcame gives greater weight to today’s accomplishments. Don’t be afraid, just make your own well-consdered decision. If tis is something immensely personal. I’d understand your relectance.
I agree that it is doubtful that the college will wonder why the GC doesn’t seem to know about it. I suppose, one way around this, is to ask your teacher to share the LOR with the GC (and tell the teacher why…then the teacher can perhaps reconsider putting the childhood events in the letter, or asking you how you feel about them being included).
Dont worry about lying, it’s the teachers letter, not yours. I don’t think the admissions folk would question the teachers perspective.
Let’s say you were kidnapped or part of violent crime that you survived. And it’s public info, that may be a testament to your resilience. It wouldn’t hurt at all and it’s not coming from you anyway.
Don’t be anxious.
If it is more personal and private than that or trauma related, it is highly doubtful they would be so insensitive to mention it. It would be inappropriate and unrelated to the college search.
To assuage your fear, just politely do as the others have recommended. Simply ask for privacy related to the issue you discussed.
Just talk to the teacher and ask that the info not be brought up. Unless it is so earth shattering that it can make a difference in your admittance, it’s not an issue that it’s going to be brought up to your GC. The reason for two recent is so that info one doesn’t know that might be relevant for admissions can be covered by the other.
If you want to to avoid the whole thing, just ask another teacher. Yes, that means possibly giving up the positives that the particular teacher can give, but those are the trade offs.
I’m having a hard time trying to imagine how having the teacher mention whatever this is could possibly hurt you. Whether it was bad behavior by you or by people around you, colleges are not going to think that something that happened to you in before high school is a problem. Lots of time teachers know something GCs don’t and vice versa. We got an outside recommendation for our older child because there were aspects of his knowledge base and his ability to work collaboratively that no one in the school could speak to. You certainly can ask the teacher not to mention it, but I think you are overthinking this.
You’re overthinking this. If you are close with this teacher, it should be ok to just ask him to not mention it if it has not impacted you in high school.