<p>You are not making any sense. I came on here and read a gazillion pages of drivel - blaming rules, the police, the laws, “snitches”, etc. Then I addressed the points I wanted to make, just as you addressed the points you wanted to make. Late in the discussion, I added my two cents to the OP and to the thousands of people (adults and kids) who will access this thread in the future. The OP came in and asked for information, expressed extremely strong viewpoints, and then got responses. I am sorry but as of today you are not in control of other people’s content, but if it makes you feel better you can mischaracterize it as “attacking” if you wish.</p>
<p>Maybe you should not come into these forums if free speech disturbs you, or better yet get used to it. For examples of attacks, peruse this thread for posts by you and others when people came on with an opinion differing from your own.</p>
<p>I don’t know if this is really an issue of right and wrong as much as it is an issue of just staying out of trouble and following the rules. I would be concerned that he gets that for the future. I do not share your opinion that this friendship is necessarily a non-issue. </p>
<p>As for what transpired in our generation, times are different. Pot is many times stronger today than what was a generation ago. Punishment is way worse than it was when we were in school. The internet makes transgressions accessible forever. The game has changed. </p>
<p>I am glad that you have created an image for your son that is different than what you expressed previously throughout this thread. As for your personal parenting history, I do not know you and contrary to what you may think, I have no view either way. I have responded to opinions on this thread that I felt should not stand without rebuttal. It was on page 17 where you (in the above quote) clarified yourself. I understand that this is an upsetting day for you, but I really think it was important for you to hear another perspective before getting in front of anyone at the school (particularly what school officials think when parents come in for a disciplinary meeting). You came on here and asked for information, and you got it.</p>
<p>Kudos to this “snitch” and all the others who have saved lives by shining a spot light on kids who may very well need help, whether it be because of drugs, bullying, anything.</p>
<p>No one can have empathy for you until they have been in your place, but any good-hearted person will have sympathy for you even if they have never been in your place. Having sympathy for a person does not mean that you fail to speak honestly to them. </p>
<p>Most of us have enough people in our lives who tell us what we want to hear. I prefer hearing from people who tell me what I need to hear, and I respect others by doing the same. Anonymous message boards are great places for this. Personal chat rooms are good places for having conversations with a chosen few who are pre-screened and agree with everything we have to say.</p>
<p>OP, I’m hopeful that this will pass in a way that everyone can move on. I have to say that this thread makes me incredibly sad and not just because of your particular son and his particular college. There are just too many people these days that can’t see the forest through the trees. But I have hope that college administrators can see the forest through the trees…</p>
<p>I found this to be offensive, uninformed, uncalled for and not particularly funny. It wouldn’t have made me so mad but there is no context of bringing Reed college into this thread. It isn’t the college in question, this was just a cheap shot at a school that happens to be very good.</p>
<p>I went to Reed, I studied very hard while I was there and barely drank. I smoked some marijuana in high school but never at Reed, I just didn’t like it much. The drug reputation at Reed is really overblown, it is very easy to go there and find a group of friends that don’t do drugs.</p>
<p>I think spideygirl is just trying to point out the other side of the argument. I would have to go back and reread everything to see which of her points I agreed with and which I didn’t but I think both sides of the argument have their merit.</p>
<p>Honestly, Pea, I get where you are coming from but Schmaltz is the Saturday Night Live CC poster. When you read any of his posts picture yourself in the audience at a comedy club. Rarely are they serious (he does take the occasional risk). This was I’m sure just a joke. No harm meant to Reed, which is a fantastic and highly respected school. Only smart kids go and especially get through there, so there you go (you must be smart). :)</p>
<p>It’s true, comedy skirts a line and is risky. Maybe if I was more familiar with Schmaltz’s style I wouldn’t have gotten so mad. I’m not that smart, it comes hard to me. Really, I didn’t mean to derail the discussion.</p>
<p>The idea that a person should never break the law is an interesting one. Even jay walking is illegal and I get a little frustrated when people point out that underage drinking is breaking the law like that is the end of the discussion. Not that anyone here has done that, I’m speaking in general terms.</p>
<p>I’m more interested in the concept of appropriate penalties. People make mistakes and it is really frustrating when someone transgresses and is penalized when they are only doing something that other people have done. I know it isn’t an excuse that everyone does it, but if a person gets in trouble for smoking marijuana there is a sense that they have been singled out.</p>
<p>If all the roommate is guilty of is smoking marijuana in public then I think his losing his scholarship is too serious of a consequence. That may be the only way his family could afford to pay for college. In these situations I am more interested in the punishment fitting the crime than what is right and wrong.</p>
<p>Pea, on behalf of the board I apologize. OP is going through a rough day, and someone was trying to make her feel better. I dont think anyone (or at least most of this group) thinks any worse of Reed. They are actually at the top of my list for colleges that deserve support for the rotten treatment they have gotten from the US Attorneys Office.</p>
<p>When I was in college, no one ever searched our rooms. It would have taken too long. </p>
<p>Students should choose a substance free or a smoke free dorm. The kid having syringes in his room – that’s alarming, if he is not a diabetic.</p>
<p>The OP’s kid can pay the fine and do community service and decide whether it was worth it to break the law by having a fake ID. I imagine that knowing how much he upset his parents would give him pause and that the result of this debacle will be a teachable moment, including making decisions about how your friend’s choices can affect you.</p>
<p>If schools expelled or suspended every student who owned a fake ID, then a lot of them would have empty chairs and empty dorm rooms.</p>
<p>It has been very educational for me to read these posts and see the range of opinions. I will pass them onto high school age DD, who was wondering what we would observe on college campuses on 4/20 – which is apparently the code section for marijuana. I don’t think she smokes; I know she didn’t last year because she had to pass a drug test for a summer job, but she doesn’t have smoking opportunities.</p>
<p>If this is a just world, these two freshmen will have the bejesus scared out of them enough to develop significant frontal lobe growth. Their choices probably were not uncommon at their school. Not that it makes it right; it doesn’t. But common enough in teenage thinking that it was <em>no big deal</em> and they didn’t ponder the ramifications. Now if the RM had been dealing, I would not be sympathetic. I had a dealer live in the dorm room above me in college, and he was the 7/11 of drug dealers – open nearly all night. He knew he would get busted if he moved into town, but that the university would look the other way to avoid bad publicity. Last I heard/saw him, he was living in Amsterdam and making frequent trips to No. Africa. Sadly, he looked good and not dissipated.</p>
<p>The Dean called back very late, she had a busy day (what with all the activity). Anyway, H and I both had a nice, friendly converstation with her. She was convinced that S had nothing to do with the drug issue and didn’t know what was going on with the RM. She said by all accounts that S was cooperative and polite during the search, that he would not attend a hearing but would have a meeting to discuss the ramifications of the fake ID, be put on a brief probation, attend an alcohol education class and be fined but that he could work off the fine if he can’t pay it (he can’t and we won’t give him the money, so he’s working it off). There will be no record of any kind.</p>
<p>She did mention that they searched S’s belongings because typically kids who use drugs tend to room together, but I reminded her that S didn’t know RM prior to the school placing them together as roommates, and she did apologize for not forewarning S of the search, which I found interesting.</p>
<p>We’re all pleased with the outcome, including her.</p>
<p>I think it will be awhile before we learn of RM’s outcome but when we do, I’ll post again.</p>
<p>P.S. - I did have 2 glasses of wine and fell asleep - I was exhausted but wanted to let everyone who posted know the results.</p>
<p>There seem to be quite a few posters out here who think smoking pot is no big deal. Take a look at these links, and think long and hard about how you will feel if you kid (or their friends) develop a problem with mental illness in the future:</p>
<p>int - I would argue successfully that alcohol and cigarettes are more harmful than pot.</p>
<p>Bottomline - you can’t save people from themselves, addicts don’t care about longterm affects of whatever substance they’re abusing. It’s also not proven that pot is addictive, but this is all a discussion for another thread.</p>
<p>“I am glad that you have created an image for your son that is different than what you expressed previously throughout this thread.”</p>
<p>You have selective reading. My opinions and comments speculating whether my sons rights were violated have nothing to do with with the reality of my sons “image”. I don’t have to create anything, I know that he’s a great kid.</p>
<p>During the Haiti disaster he donated 1/3 of his savings from his summer job without telling a soul. We only found out from a thank you letter that came months after. That isn’t the first time he’s done something like that without any desire for recognition but just because he wants to help people. Please don’t talk to me about any image that I’ve “created” for my son, because if I had, it couldn’t possibly live up to the reality.</p>
<p>“I would argue successfully that alcohol and cigarettes are more harmful than pot.”</p>
<p>I’ve seen people destroyed by pot. I’ve also seen people who freak out if they can’t get a cigarette break at work. Never saw anybody freak out that they couldn’t down a couple beers at lunch.</p>
<p>Thanks, spidey, for having my back. Count me among those who respected your posts here. So many people think that you only have the right to post if you agree with them.</p>