<p>so coolrunning…would she risk it all to protect a roommate or would she “snitch” to protect her scholarship and future. what do you advise her to do (again i say, try to get roommate to remove substance, try to change rooms first, but if all else fails and the substance remains). My college son answered that he would try all first but was not willing to lose everything.</p>
<p>anothermom2, my intention was not to distort your post or to accuse you personally of any behavior, but to use your words as a stepping off point to adress the wider issue of whether “it is against the law” and/or “I might be implicated” is always an ethical or satisfactory reason to turn someone in to the law. You were one of a number of people who made statements along those lines. I’m sorry I did not make that clear.</p>
<p>I will say, though, that for a person who chose to describe another poster’s opinion as “disgusting” you are awfully sensitive.</p>
<p>Yenmor, I hardly “equated” the escaped slave or the bathtub ginmaker, for that matter, to a kid smoking a joint. The escaped slave clearly takes the principle of “but it’s illegal” out to an extreme point where the virtue, or lack thereof, of relying on that principle can be clearly seen.</p>
<p>“While I do not think OP’s son had a responsibility or was wrong not to report his roommates activities, I do not think the person that did, if there was even such a person
should be considered a “snitch”.”</p>
<p>I’m the OP, and I have no idea what you’re talking about. </p>
<p>My son could not have reported any “activities” since he wasn’t aware of any activities.</p>
<p>Who said anything about anyone snitching in this situation? The fact is, the Dean was driving by the alley where the boys were smoking on her way home from work, saw them start walking back towards the dorms, then she called the campus police.</p>
<p>"Thank you for the explanation, Coley of why you will not be pursuing legal action against the school. You just don’t have the money to pursue what you believe is an unconstitutional, unlawful invasion of privacy. That makes perfect sense.</p>
<p>And that reason is completely honorable unlike other reason(s) not to pursue it."</p>
<p>Is this a serious statement or is it a joke? If it’s a joke, I don’t get it.</p>
<p>“I know this is completely annecdotal but I’ve said for years that I think raising the legal limit had good effect.”</p>
<p>It isn’t just anecdotal. The data is overwhelmingly positive. Thousands of lives have been saved, and tens of thousands of significant injuries averted. (And we know that not just from year-over-year data - as states changed drinking ages in different years, researchers were able to compare neighboring communities, with the same demographic characteristics, but with different drinking ages. There were dozens of Ph.Ds done just on this subject.)</p>
<p>“I’m sure you believe student should not have to do even one minute of comm service because you believe the search was illegal.”</p>
<p>Okay, now I see, you haven’t read my posts.</p>
<p>I never said I believed the search was illegal, I said I WASN’T SURE.</p>
<p>Parent56, to answer your question regarding what my DD said she would do if faced with this situation . . . she said: “I do not know.” Smart kid with a soul . . . and if caught in the same scenario as OP’s kid . . . still would not know.</p>
<p>The benefit of OP and DH’s openness, in a real-time fashion, is that the answer to the question can be honestly considered. Thanks OP.</p>
<p>To the point: nobody likes a snitch . . . and nobody likes their future being compromised by the reckless. You do understand that, don’t you Parent56?</p>
<p>thanks coolrunning…not singling you out, just an interesting problem, and a moral question i saw on this thread. when you posted that your D had said she didnt realize the actions of a roommate could affect her…i wondered if you had discussed further. I did spend time with my son asking those questions… he does not think pot is a big deal, thinks the punishments too harsh, but understands that isnt changeable so says he has to live with them at this point. He really hopes that talking to a rm would solve the problem, but if a rm continued to do something illegal within their room, then the room mate is not protecting him and is putting him at risk… at that point what duty does he have to protect the roommate?</p>
<p>ETA this is not the situation with OP’s son as it is clear her son didnt know…just a question that arose out of the discussions.</p>
<p>@post 382, consolation, if you read carefully, the original “disgusting” was in the OP’s post 173, wherein she said that she considered someone who turned in another person for breaking the rules was “disgusting” and “totally bereft of character.” I used quotation marks because I was referring to the earlier use of the term, in part, in an ironic sense. I still hold by my original statement that it is not necessarily kinder to look the other way, which is what the OP seemed to say. She also had “disgust” for “tattletales.” Sometimes it is the right thing to go to the authorities. </p>
<p>I ALSO DID NOT say that it is always … anything. I said I respect an individual’s right to choose what he or she wants to do, even if I would do differently. Bringing in the what would you do for fugitive slaves or Anne Frank type of example is what is called a slippery slope argument, and is basically useless here, (all though if you are caught in a holocaust, use your best judgement) since most of the time, these are not the situations that one faces. Much more often students will be faced with things like the pot smoking roommate or illegal alcohol or cheating etc, and these may actually negatively impact the student who is not doing the prohibited act. The actual situation must be analyzed on its own facts. The situation noted earlier where no one calls the EMS when someone gets alcohol poisoning for fear of being caught drunk themselves is more likely to actually happen. Slide on…</p>
<p>Look, bottom line, nobody likes a tattle tale. Bottom line: nobody WANTS to be a tattle tale. But, ultimate bottom line, and this goes for adults and college students, nobody has to live in a situation where they are uncomfortable. It’s not about tattle taling, it’s just about being comfortable where “you” live. If your roommate doesn’t respect you enough to understand your concerns vis-a-vis your scholarship and your entire future? Why on earth should you sublimate yourself in order to protect THIER entire future, at risk to yourself? </p>
<p>Enlightened self-interest says: get the stuff out of there if you can. Anyway, you usually don’t have to tattle. You can usually simply say, “This is my line in the sand and if you cross it I will got to the authorities. End of conversation.”</p>
<p>Parent56: I just read my reply to your question. It did sound harsh, not that I meant it to sound that way. Sorry!</p>
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<p>I guess we got the wrong impression from your post in #125 where you wrote : “Yes, I’m sure he looked the other way [with regards to roommate’s drug use].” Now we know he had no idea of his RM’s drug use.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>Answer: nobody! I guess everyone assumed that there was an informant involved. What are the chances that the DEAN would catch you smoking pot while she or he was driving home?</p>
<p>agree poetgrl!!</p>
<p>It’s interesting that so many people are saying no one likes a “snitch”. And yet, at least in recent years, it seems as though everyone loves a “whistleblower”. They become media darlings, people extol their bravery, Hollywood makes wildly popular movies that cast them in the role of heroes. What’s in a name? Apparently, everything.</p>
<p>I admit I’ve only gotten to page 13 so far, but I haven’t seen any mention from the OP that the roommate called the son to apologize. I wonder if that has happened.</p>
<p>axw: I don’t htink that reconciliation will be high on the list. RM has bigger issues than calling after 2 days to apologize for his roommate. Give him a bit of time. It is a lousy situation for all involved.</p>
<p>Here is a little case to think about. I just found out about D’s friend. He is on an overnight HS school band trip. Two kids brought drugs, and passed them out to freshman to “celebrate” their first band trip. Friend will not report to band director or chaperons. What would you, as a parent do, be a snitch or a whistle blower, alert the school- either principal on Sunday or director on Monday - or do nothing or something else?</p>
<p>Well, if it were MY kid who was there, and he/she told me about it (but not if my kid was not there and it was just relayed to me through a story my kid told me), I would call the parents of the two kids, not the school, and I would let them know, and I would let them know that if something like that happens again, I would inform the school as to why my child was not allowed to room with said kids.</p>
<p>Fair warning.</p>
<p>JMO</p>
<p>@Yankee Belle… I would report (snitch) it to the principal. </p>
<p>If the kid was using drugs with his friends at most, I would call the parents, but the fact that he is passing out drugs to freshmen in my mind takes it to a different level of what type of kid this is.</p>
<p>
I had the opposite experience. I was 18 when it was legal to drink at that age. I don’t remember kids pre drinking before a party. We got to the party, had one or two. Waited a long time and drove home. Nobody I knew died in a car crash in high school. My brothers were right after me and they don’t remember either. My kids were in high school for 8 straight years. During that time, eight classmates that I can recall were killed in alcohol related accidents. Granted, one was hit by a drunk driver, but the other 7 were the result of their own drinking. Because they can’t drink legally in public, they get drunk and then go to the parties. I think the 21 drinking age causes more problems than it solves.</p>