<p>I am living in the same area where I went to high school. (Had 27 years between living here). When I went to high school. this metropolitan area was about half the size it is now. We had a number of kids die from drunk driving including two from my class who also killed the occupants of the car they drove into. We had a number of spectacular crashes in this same area with other students. When I mean the same area, I mean the same general part of this huge metroplitan area and basically an area which two smaller high schools service. I have been back here for 2.5 years (almost as long as I lived in the area in high school, then I lived there for just over three years). The only drinking and driving death with teenagers was in another state but was so spectacular, it got a lot of attention. The teen drinking and driving deaths have definitely decreased here- not only that, one kid in my graduating class ended up drowning a few days before graduating- again, drinking.</p>
<p>3bm - obviously we have different experiences and those affect our feelings on the subject. Interestingly, I have a D turning 21 soon and my second D will turn 18 right after her. Both are pretty responsible and mature for their respective ages and I can definitely tell you that I’d be more comfortable with older D’s judgment about how much to drink, where to do it, etc. It’s just a matter of maturity.</p>
<p>I think someone referred earlier to amnesty on college campuses and I am completely in favor of that. I personally know of a situation where a group of college students called an ambulance and saved someone’s life (knowing they would not be charged for underage consumption themselves - i.e., amnesty).</p>
<p>“The number of fatalities in teenage drunk-driving crashes has declined 37 percent since 2000 and is down 74 percent since tracking began in 1982, going from 4,214 in 1982 to 1,720 in 2000 and 1,077 in 2009, a record-low level. There were over 3,000 fewer teen drunk-driving fatalities in 2009 than in 1982.”
Sources: U.S. Department of Transportation</p>
<p>This information is from alcoholstats.com. Data seems to indicate that the change to a 21 year old drinking age made a positive and significant impact.</p>
<p>Parent15 – some have info to say it only pushes fatalies to the over 21 group.</p>
<p>Also, during that time, cars have gotten safer, better seatbelts etc. And drunk driving laws have gotten tougher.</p>
<p>Not certain if your conclusion follows. A lot of variables.</p>
<p>@YankeeBelle above, I would not be able to “report” anything to the principal if I did not witness it, and also not if the witness (here a kid) would not come forward. This would be hearsay evidence, which may or may not be true. If not true, it could be slander, which is not a good thing to be spreading. This is the problem with taking any action on what he said she said someone else saw.</p>
<p>IF an eyewitness, were an adult chaperone type thing, well someone is going to have to be informed at a higher level, and I would think the policies would be spelled out in advance on that, even as to what the school is to do. I think in most high schools, public or private, they can not look the other way if they find drugs on campus or at a school function. The school could have liability themselves if they have knowledge and ignore it.</p>
<p>Anothermom - I agree with the distinction you’ve made. I’ve been in both situations… as a parent, you hear things thru the student grapevine (if your child shares with you). It’s normally after the fact and, even, if I"m sure of the facts, I wouldn’t do anything with the information unless there was some compelling reason to do so. OTOH, I’ve been a chaperone plenty of times and I would feel that it was my responsibility to deal with the issue in the manner proscribed by the school (always in advance, in my experience).</p>
<p>Thanks for all your thoughts. My kid is not in the band. Friend called last night to tell her about it. Mine hates drug use; she saw firsthand what it did to an older neighbor kid. Even though D is upset, she won’t say anything because of the ‘nobody likes a tattle-tale’ thinking. </p>
<p>They were passing out pills. I only know the first names of the 2 sharing kids. It’s true, even if not provable in court. I don’t want the kids in jail, but the school and freshman parents need to be aware. I also don’t want my kid to have to deal with the snitches get stitches crowd.
So, once again turn a blind eye or do the right thing, and have my kid possibly suffer the consequences. </p>
<p>In about an hour, I will be at church with a school board member, the principal and a 3-4 high school teachers. I still don’t know what I’m going to do, except pray for guidance.</p>
<p>YankeeBelle - wow; I guess I was thinking they were giving out pot; pills raise the stakes as far as I’m concerned. I agree with other posters about long-term effects of smoking pot (age has brought a bit of wisdom on the subject) but pills are worse. Taking the wrong pill and/or too many at once can cause immediate, serious consequences. I’d be thinking (and praying) very hard about whether to say something if I were in your shoes.</p>
<p>Just my opinion…Since you are hearing this information second hand or perhaps third hand and your student also was not there I would not say anything to anyone in authority at the school. But that is just me. It is, right now, hearsay,… If you know the parent or parents of the students involved and are comfortable I would tell them the gossip you heard. If I were a parent connected to one of the kids in the tale I would want that warning phone call about what was being spread around and I would also call the parents of the students involved if I knew them well.</p>
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<p>So maybe that just goes to show it should be banned altogether? </p>
<p>No, I’m not advocating that although I would have no problem with it.</p>
<p>“Answer: nobody! I guess everyone assumed that there was an informant involved. What are the chances that the DEAN would catch you smoking pot while she or he was driving home?”</p>
<p>I thought the same thing when she told us. Timing is everything I guess.</p>
<p>I admit I’ve only gotten to page 13 so far, but I haven’t seen any mention from the OP that the roommate called the son to apologize. I wonder if that has happened."</p>
<p>It never even occurred to any of us that he should apologize. </p>
<p>RM is too upset to even speak to any of his friends, when he’s ready, he’s going to call.</p>
<p>What’s so magical about 18 and 21? How about a nice, even, easy-to-do-the-math 20-year-old drinking age?</p>
<p>Orrrrr, what about, if it’s about brain development, and we now have the scientific evididence to back it up, making the age of majority 25. I’m for that. AND, let’s make parents legally responsible for their children until they are 25. Heck, let’s put them through a cat scan to make sure the frontal lobe has fully grown in. </p>
<p>The drunk driving stats you are offering are misleading. Drunk driving in the United states acrross ALL ages has been declining since the laws began to change in the 80’s, and last year there were the least number of deaths since 1940. But, this is across all ages, and I’m not sure you can assume 19 year olds would drive drunk in this day and age. Not to mention the fact that the assumption being made here is that 19 year olds are not drinking as much as they were in the 80’s, and the evidence is that they are drinking more. </p>
<p>Why would you assume they wouldn’t use designated drivers, as they do now? This demographic certainly isn’t consuming less alcohol.</p>
<p>Having been a band parent for 8years, I think it is important for the band director to be informed. He’s ultimately responsible for the kids in his program when they go on these trips…his job could be on the line. Give him a chance to clean house and get more chaperones., whatever it takes.</p>
<p><a href=“http://monitoringthefuture.org/pubs/monographs/vol1_2009.pdf[/url]”>http://monitoringthefuture.org/pubs/monographs/vol1_2009.pdf</a></p>
<p>Alcohol use rates, and, especially, heavy drinking rates among youth are MUCH lower than they were in the early 80s (you can find graphs at 5.6 and following.) (Volume II also has data for college students, and non-school youth under age 21.) We do have both death rates and injury accident rates related to those under 21, and they are also much, much lower than they were in the early 1980s. We also have cohort studies that show direct associations between alcohol use and drunk driving and injury/death rates for those under 21.</p>
<p>Coleytown
Coleytown, my reading is fine. This is from post #283, where I quoted you from page 17 of this thread where you clarified that there is a difference between what you actually felt and what you present/show/reveal to your child (i.e. your image). </p>
<p>You lobbed a lot of negativity towards the laws, rules, school, law enforcement, people who came on here to help but didn’t phrase things in a way that you liked, and basically the Catholic Church as well. Then you tried to demonstrate that you have always shown a different image to your child (more supportive of authority, and less like what you really feel), and would in this case as well. I referenced this and expressed that I was glad to see it.</p>
<p>I am glad that you have created an image [of yourself] for your son. Let me restate. This was not about your son. This was not about your son’s image; it was about you and the image that you said you were showing him (versus your true feeling, which you expressed plenty in this thread). It was your image that I was speaking about. </p>
<p>And for the board, good kids get into drugs. Kids who have never been in trouble get into drugs. Kids who have never been expelled, in a fight, spoken back, handed in a paper late, or spilled their milk get into drugs. Parents who have done every single thing perfectly have kids who have gotten into trouble with drugs. None of that is relevant here. </p>
<p>Also, kids know us, most of the time, better than we know ourselves. If we have a feeling or an opinion on something, they know it. Who we really are influences our children’s thinking and attitude immensely, and there is no getting around it (we can fool very young children, some of the time, but that is usually about it). When potential big trouble comes our way as parents, that is the time more than ever that we need to screw our heads on straight (in a big way).</p>
<p>Spideygirl,</p>
<p>Thanks for clarifying, it’s difficult sometimes to make inferences on these message boards. I understand now.</p>
<p>As far as our kids knowing how we really feel, you may be right.</p>
<p>The image that I have of Coley is a person who can think of another kid, even when her own is in trouble. A kind and caring person. I am impressed with that. I bet her kid will grow in that image. Thank god. And not in the image of a person who thinks she is always right and her way is the only way. I dont think that Coley would kick someone when they were down. I think she would wait another day and bring up the subject in a general way.</p>
<p>i agree with ellemenope… i would have to think of a way to some how let the band director know that there is a “rumor” … you can clearly say you dont know how true, or exactly who is involved, but feel he should be aware…not only gives him a chance to check on it, but perhaps prevent something tragic happening on another trip…</p>