<p>I’d be astonished if the OP’s kid is kicked off campus for having a fake ID. But I think the roommate is in bigger trouble.</p>
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My answer to this is that it would be reasonable to revoke it, but it would also be reasonable to choose *not *to do so, especially if it was a first offense.</p>
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<p>Post of the Day</p>
<p>CSF – with all the shennigans I read about star college athletes, I dont think that policy is common – or maybe just not enforced for the stars. </p>
<p>IMHO, thats one of the big problems, that enforcement just isnt effectuated in a way that makes sense.</p>
<p>At Yale, it is a tradition in one (at least) sport that when the recruits come to campus for official visits they are given the opportunity to purchase fake IDs, which they all do. It was a profit-making activity by the team…</p>
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<p>Yes, that was well said! It reminds me of all of the tv shows that show parents who would never believe that their 10 y/o would go off with a stranger to help find that little lost puppy, until they see for themselves that their child would actually do that!</p>
<p>I agree, it would be reasonable to be more lenient on a first offense, but there should still be some consequence. If college students get away with no punishment when they break the rules, because they are young and impulsive; they’ll grow up to be old and impulsive.</p>
<p>Make 'em do KP duty, shovel snow, clean the bathrooms, wash the Dean’s car daily for a week, something physically painful and highly embarrassing . . . but not a permanent, life altering, punishment that does not fit the crime.</p>
<p>I have been thinking about this from the standpoint of the OP’s son…if I were sitting quietly at my desk, and police and and an asst. dean came knocking on my door and then did a search of my room, I know my heart would have been racing even if I did not have a fake ID that I was hiding, and I did follow all the rules/laws. I know that adrenaline would have been flowing through my body for days! People judge OP’s son for consenting to this search, but he was caught off guard and I would think he was stunned at what was happening. I know that at 18 y/o, I would have behaved like a deer caught in headlights. Also, this invasion into my privacy, even if I signed up for it when signing the housing contract, would be an experience that would stay with me for the rest of my life.</p>
<p>After reading this, I think I am going to ask the local police & a lawyer to come to our GS troop this spring & give a presentation on search & seizure laws & what constitutes consent, penalties for fake IDs, etc etc, before they graduate & go to college.</p>
<p>My daughter watches NCIS & is tired of me always walking past and asking whether the agents have Mirandized the person they are ad hoc questioning. Also my comments on the extremely crazy shots taken with their guns in every direction on busy streets.</p>
<p>Here! Here!
Post 160 is on the money. The issue isn’t who is perfect, but taking responsibility if one is caught in wrongdoing. Blame the “snitch”? Blame the victim? Blame the cops? How about blame the wrongdoer!
Whether I used a fake id in my college ages ago, or if my S did just a few yrs ago, or whether pot should be legalized, or what the drinking age was in 1980, or the changing % of alcohol for a DUI is not the issue here, although they could make for interesting threads.</p>
<p>The school the student chose to attend has a right to make its rules. And schools that have a stronger religious belief may have stricter rules.</p>
<p>Even use of the word “snitch” is intended as a derogatory term for one that stands up for the rules. It is intended to demean that person, in an attempt to shift blame/responsibility away from the one who actually did the wrong. Using it somehow tries to indicate the wrongdoer is in the right.</p>
<p>On unrelated note, let me give the 3rd most common line, behind, “everybody else does” and “but not my kid”. How about: “he got me drunk!” Not saying that applies here, just that it’s another tired, old, excuse.</p>
<p>“Coley - it’s not about perfect kids, it’s about accepting consequences when you’re wrong. Do you think there should be any consequence for your son or his roommate? What do you think is fair?”</p>
<p>I understand that. I’m still trying to think of what I think is fair, not that it will make a difference.</p>
<p>If I had to say - I think something on the order of community service is fair.</p>
<p>Some posters seem to feel that students know what they are getting into when they go to college, and thus should understand what happens if they get caught.
Did those who feel this way go through the student handbook with their child as they were making admission decisions? If not did they do so once their child accepted the offer?
The issue is most people don’t do that. Most people have only their own college years as a guide, and many of us were in college when the drinking age was 18, and are not fully aware of how the new law (to us) of 21 has affected college campuses (whether it is students getting fake-ids, or colleges cracking down). In addition many of us were in college when the suite down the hall had bongs as room decoration. Thus, most parents don’t think “let’s look at the student handbook to see what is and isn’t tolerated at your school, in case you happen to be at a party where under-age drinking is going on, or someone happens to pass you a joint, or you get a fake-id” People should, but I live in an area where every parent knows about College Confidential, where “all kids have the stats to go to great schools”… a group of very involved parents whose kids have strong EC’s, academics etc. etc and know all there is to know about which schools would be a great fit, but didn’t/don’t have a clue about how campuses view due process (totally different than civil/criminal courts) and what sanctions are given as a result of the hearings.</p>
<p>I personally believe all guidance counselors should discuss this as part of the college application and acceptance process, because OP’s story is more common than most people realize.</p>
<p>The kids and families actually “don’t know” what they are signing up for when they start their freshman year.</p>
<p>Oh, and we all know speeding is a crime, but people still do it and usually they don’t get caught. When caught, yes they accept their fate…but that fate is a well known commodity and doesn’t differ if you are in one part of the county in a state versus another part; whereas colleges in the same state do indeed have very different policies for the same offenses.</p>
<p>“Even use of the word “snitch” is intended as a derogatory term for one that stands up for the rules. It is intended to demean that person, in an attempt to shift blame/responsibility away from the one who actually did the wrong. Using it somehow tries to indicate the wrongdoer is in the right.”</p>
<p>Yes, it’s derogatory, and I meant it as such. I was brought up believing that “tattling, snitching, telling on” whatever word you want to use - is one of the worst things a person could ever do.</p>
<p>IMO, again, this is just my opinion, any one who turns a fellow student in for “breaking the rules” (we aren’t talking theft or murder here), is someone totally bereft of character. There’s no honor in that, it’s disgusting.</p>
<p>I also disagree 100% with you that my disgust for tattletales is an attempt to blameshift.</p>
<p>I don’t know how many times I have to say that I know that what my son did was WRONG for you to realize that I understand that. Hopefully this will be the last.</p>
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<p>While a student may not have read the handbook, virtually every residential college campus has an orientation where kids are told, very explicitly, what the school’s policy is regarding drinking and drug use, as well as the consequences if caught.</p>
<p>Consequences of using and owning a fake ID many not be explained during these orientations.</p>
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<p>If my kid did that I would be beyond perplexed. What could possess someone to snitch on another student for such a victimless pseudo-crime? Terminal self-righteous priggishness, perhaps? </p>
<p>In that particular case I feel confident that I COULD say that my kid would never do such a thing.</p>
<p>Although I may not express things in the words that you are using ^^ I’m also pretty intolerant of snitches. There was an incident in our town recently where a parent figured out her teen was at a party where alcohol was present. She called the teen and told the teen she was would be picking up immediately. She picked up her teen and then got home and called the police on the rest of the teens…didn’t call any other parents that she knew. It’s a small town, it was a big party, if she would have alerted one other parent the news would have spread like wildfire. Not only that I have no doubt that one phone call would beget two calls which would beget four calls and quickly every single parent would have swooped into that house in minutes and the absent parents/homeowners would have been called and parental holy he** would have prevailed. Nope… this person got on her high and mighty horse and decided everyone else’s kid would have to deal with police, lawyers and the absent homeowners would be left to deal with their own mess and the police but not her or her little darling. As a disclaimer my son was out of town with us that weekend but we knew many of the parents and many of the kids.</p>
<p>Snitch…worse than a snitch and I too have little tolerance for such self centered behavior. There is no love thy neighbor or watch out for the other guy left in this world only total self absorbtion and finger pointing…and it’s a pretty sad thing.</p>
<p>D is in the 1 percent group.She certainly appreciates that pot smoking and drinking is not openly done and not in your face. Maybe punishment needs to be harsh because of the brazenness of doing it openly. The school doesn’t want to look soft on this.I feel bad for kid but can’t overlook this.If he did it at my house openly he would have to go.Didn’t know fake id could be a felony but do believe anyone that has one knows it’s wrong and illegal.</p>
<p>There’s a Lio cartoon in which, in the first panel, we see a kid in a school desk rasing his hand and saying, “Teacher, you forgot to hand out the homework.” In the last panel, you see that he’s an exhibit in a tent marked “Freak Show.” When this ran in the Washington Post, some readers wrote in to complain that the cartoon promoted disrespect for authority. In other words, there’s a range of views on all of this.</p>
<p>OP: Be proactive. I think a well-worded letter from your son to the Dean is in order.</p>
<ol>
<li> Admit Sin</li>
<li> Offer to do penance (community service or some other useful solution to a problem)</li>
<li> Promise to sin no more!</li>
</ol>
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<p>These two violations in the OP (drugs and fake ID) are both against the law. It shouldn’t matter whether one school looks the other way or not. These are both offenses of the law. Sure, speeding is also against the law and if you get caught you have to deal with the consequences. These two got caught breaking the law-- now they have to deal with the consequences.</p>