Strap in for the ride because my academic career is as long as it is confusing. I’d really love some advice because I don’t have any adult resources available to me that are familiar with the US college system and feel so overwhelmed and have no idea where to even start.
I graduated High School in 2014, and was accepted to Goucher College (tiny liberal arts school). My SAT score was 1860 (maybe a little off but for sure 18-something). Since I had bad grades, and worse study habits, (largely because I’ve always struggled with depression and anxiety) my parents and I decided to send me to a boarding school to do a post-graduate year, and defer my college admission for 1 year. While my grades were really good, I regret this decision so much as it did more harm than good, and ended up exacerbating my mental health issues. I’ve never been happier to leave a place. Being there also made me very antisocial, and taught me to withdraw at all times, so when I finally did start college I made 0 friends and felt very lonely.
I start Goucher in the fall off 2015, and my first semester there is ok, I’m really antisocial and bad at time management, mainly just stay in my room all day. I get a 2.24. My second semester I end up doing a full medical withdraw in May 2016 because of my mental health. I go home, try to “deal” with my problems, regular therapy, medication etc. My school sent me off with the instructions “go, take a few classes at your local community college over the summer, show us you can get good grades there, and then come back for the fall semester.” But I never mustered the strength to sign up for the summer courses, and june slides into august into december. Spring 2017 I take 4 classes as a non-degree student at a CUNY, and get all As. Then summer 2017 I take 2 classes and again get all As. Now Fall 2017 I’m taking 4 classes but this time struggling grade wise.
My question is: what do I even do? What even is the first step? How would a transfer even look for someone with my academic history? Technically I think I’m still a student at goucher, but there’s a hold on my account. I think i’d have to transfer from Goucher to my CUNY, then apply from CUNY to somewhere else as a transfer?
Does that mean my academic record 2.2 gpa and 1 semester Withdraw would show up on my now CUNY transcript and ruin my now 4.0?
I’d prefer not to return to Goucher, since its very small and doesn’t offer a large variety of majors, as well as my previous history with it and the fact that its far from home. Nothing draws me to it other than the fact that returning there and doing 2 years there with a good gpa may be easier to transfer from??
As for myself, despite my academic history I love learning. I’ve just had a complicated relationship with it my whole life. I genuinely do love school and want to be challenged and better myself. It’s been almost 3 years since I’ve undergone the college process and even in 2014 I was conflicted because I felt like I was better than Goucher, which sounds unbelievable considering what I’ve revealed about myself in this thread. I’ve always loved school, but these last 3 years have been really hard for me. I desperately want to go back to an environment where I feel challenged and stimulated and feel the joy of learning again. Unfortunately, the CUNY i’m in is the opposite of that environment, and as a non degree student I dont even have an advisor who I’d be able to bounce these questions of off. Also, since its public and large, if I do end up matriculating there and trying to transfer afterwards, the odds of me finding a faculty member who knows me and cares enough about me to write me a good recommendation is low. Additionally–I have no idea where i’d like to transfer or how my messy academic history would affect this. I do know that ideally it would be a challenging school since my number one priority is receiving a good education.
Can someone please advise me as to the best course of action?
And I understand this is looking far far into the future, but in terms of interviews, how do I even begin to condense the various stops and starts in my record and pitch that positively? And I wish i could say that I’ve gotten my mental health issues in hand, but anyone that’s dealt with depression knows its not that cut and dry, and I’m currently suffering from it, as well as is my schoolwork.