<p>Great topic. DS2 attends a West Coast U. I spent the better part of last year worried that my son and his then gf would stay together and settle in California, when all his relatives on my side of the family live within a 30 mile circle here in Texas. Grandparents, parents, his siblings, aunts, uncles, cousins are here. And I hope to live close to my grandkids (though, no hurry!!) so they can be spoiled rotten. GF is/was a SoCal girl, with all her family close by. </p>
<p>My experience has been that when push comes to shove, the female of a couple usually gets her way when choosing whether to live close (or far) from her family. The male usually says Meh, whatever, and the die is cast. So, naturally I was worried.</p>
<p>GF actually came to visit for a couple weeks, and we could tell she hated it here, too hot, too humid, too flat, and probably too close to too many of his relatives.</p>
<p>Well as it turned out, there were some other deal-breaker issues, and they’re done. But we all got a close look at the issue, and I sense son is thinking now settle down here after graduation then seriously look around.</p>
<p>My take is that it is very dangerous to send kids far away to college if your desire is that they settle nearby, and they are not mature enough to realize yet how right you are.</p>
<p>I went to college 500 miles from home and grad school 3000 miles from home. DH went to college in his home state, took his first job 500 miles from home, got his grad degree there and then lived all over the world before moving to the same 3000 miles from home location where I was. There we met.</p>
<p>Years later, when DS was born, we chose to return to the Right Coast where family was. So you never know.</p>
<p>We kind of figured DS is likely to be like us, not tied geographically to any one place.</p>
<p>I sometimes envy those who have stayed in one place, or nearly so, all of their lives and broken very few ties. But there has been richness in our experience as well. Would I like to live minutes or just a couple of hours from grandchildren? Yes, I would. But I wouldn’t make that a criterion for DS’ school or career choices (and I know the OP didn’t either; he’s just happy it worked out that way).</p>
<p>“Many people meet their mates during their college years. If they’re going to college far away from home there’s a good chance the mate is from a distant locale and they’d end up settling far away from home.”</p>
<p>That may occur anyway. It’s easy to meet someone even in college in your hometown who’s from far away, inculding another country.</p>
<p>Anyway, most young marriages fail. Heck, most marriages fail. The person who meets their spouse while in college may be divorced and living back home along with their kids in just a few years.</p>
<p>Also, many people move due to their jobs. This also can include moving far away from their hometown for a job. </p>
<p>One last thing: People our age also move for things like jobs and retirement. Don’t assume that you’ll stay in your current city forever.</p>
<p>No one can control the future. The person who puts restrictions on a kid because of wanting to have the kid eventually settle nearby may end up being the person whose kid meets someone foreign and then moves permanently abroad. Meanwhile, the person who allows their student to fly far away may be the one whose offspring happily returns to their hometown after college after learning that there’s no place like home.</p>
<p>I am in Southern CA, son is a freshman in Boston. My husband and I grew up on the East Coast and moved to the West Coast as newlyweds. After all the effort we made to live in CA, our son goes and returns to the East Coast! Talk about karma.<br>
I did have concerns about him being so far away, particularly since 9/11. I do understand that he will likely settle on the East Coast, however that was a plus to me because the area in CA we live in is so unaffordable. A starter home in our area is $800,000. Most young people starting out will not ever be able to afford to buy a home. So in that respect, the distance was a positive, not a negative.<br>
That said, I do think about the fact that his whole future may be there and I will be here. On the other hand, he could do a 180 on us and move back to the West Cosat so I guess as the above post says, No one can control the future…</p>
<p>I’ve grown up and lived in So Cal all my life and went to UCLA for my undergrad, and I can’t WAIT to get out of So Cal. I’m tired of everything in L.A.- the traffic, overpopulation, and even the weather. I can’t wait to experience weather for the first time. I’m looking at U Wisc- Madison and the University of Washington.</p>
<p>“My first boyfriend, a Lousiana boy, has settled in Hong Kong.”</p>
<p>When kids from Louisiana go oos to college, they never come back. I keep threatening to move wherever she goes. Hong Kong would be a stretch though.</p>
<p>Hell we do not have that problem in Cleveland. Besides study abroad stuff for my brother, and military stuff and Kent State for myself, we have never lived more than five minutes from the parents house.</p>
<p>I had to laugh when I read this thread’s title. DH and I attended same high school and in-state college. We never intended to leave our home region, but jobs were tight and we took what we could get. We’ve never lived within even a 24 hour’s drive from “home”. On the other hand that’s where we went every summer vacation, and our two out-of-nest children have settled there. So now we go home to visit our kids! It helps that home is a trendy city… wouldn’t have worked for Midland, Texas. (I can pick on west Texas, having spent many years there!)</p>
<p>It’s true enough that regardless of the college attended, one may end up elsewhere - I was only looking at the odds and considering the concerns. Again, I’d never place restrictions on my kids due to this concern but I’ll still be happier if they end up close-by. I agree that people shouldn’t marry young but even if they don’t marry while still attending college, many do meet their future spouses there. Maybe this is a plug for state universities where the likelihood of the potential mate being from within or close to the state is quite high.</p>
<p>Despite having lived US as will as a stint in Europe and having traveled to many areas of the US and the world, I’ve ended up exactly where I want to be (but it’s not where I grew up or went to college) and no longer want to relocate. Also, despite having traveled to many areas of the country, both of my Ds love Southern California so I think there’s a good chance they’ll end up here although the housing costs can be a deterrent. I know though that this could be impacted by either the mate situation or possibly a job situation. I’ll just keep my fingers crossed for a while.</p>
<p>My husband and I met in college, in the town where both sets of parents lived. We now live 3000 miles away from that So Cal town. S1 goes to school 2 hours away and plans to stay on the East Coast, but who knows? I actually would like it if the kids moved back toward CA, since I’d be happy to retire near my sisters. </p>
<p>Father in law was in the USAF, so H lived in many places, including Taiwan and France, and half a dozen US states. So it’s not like his family stayed in one spot. My parents immigrated 6000 miles to CA, and left their families at a time when it was likely to be forever.</p>
<p>I like the kids to go to college within driving distance for the convenience, but I’d be very surprised if they settled near us.</p>
<p>This thread got me thinking about my own family. My father and mother were the ones in their families who left town after college–my mother left Ohio for NYC and my father (Kansas-raised) went where his job took him, considering himself lucky to have employment from the day he graduated in June of 1929. My mother’s mother moved to the US from England. After they married, in NYC, they lived their lives out in Philadelphia–but their siblings scattered across the country, and so did my four siblings. At this point, I can count on a relative to stay with in most of England and most of the US and Canada. One of my good friends is a distant cousin in England–our great-grandmothers were sisters–but she came to stay with me under the terms of the loose inter-cousin alliance we’ve established as a far-flung family.</p>
<p>I never thought about that aspect of our kids going away to college. Should have since I met H at college, and there are a number of people we know who did meet their spouses at college. It seems to me, around here, that these days kids are returning to their parents’ homes after college, and and most of them do not seem to have anyone in mind as a significant other. The kids in our area tend to go away to school, tend to go to selective colleges and are from fairly well to do homes. They seem far more dependent on their parents than our generation. Mainly, I would guess because of the largesse of the parents and the differential between life with them vs without them. They seem much younger than we were at that age.</p>
<p>I have thought about this. But there’s only so much you can engineer. Four of the five schools my son is looking at are within 250 miles. But what does he want to study? International relations. And his dream job is the foreign service. So instead of finding a mate in college maybe he’ll end up meeting a nice girl in Botswana or something. C’est la vie.</p>
<p>Fortunately, communication over long distances is much better, easier and cheaper than it was when we were college kids. The age of video phones (although in the form of internet cameras and software, not Dick Tracy wristwatches) is upon us.</p>
<p>I just wanted to say that I got a chuckle on the comment above about how attractive SoCal was. Well, different strokes for different folks. I find San Diego tolerable for short visits but I will say nothing about the LA area in order not to offend. And some of us folks who live in four season country are not tempted by that climate.</p>
<p>To the young man above from LA who is looking into UW-Madison because he wants to see some weather, good for you! I have spent blazingly hot, inhumanly cold, spectacularly fair, drenchingly wet, thunderingly electric and blindingly snowy days in Madison – all during the same school semester! It’s a weather world you can barely imagine if you live on the west coast, and it’s truly wonderful. If you don’t like the weather in Wisconsin – just wait a few days!</p>
<p>Our west coast S is engaged to a Madison, WI native of several generations. I think he’ll remain within spitting distance of her family. We knew this outcome was highly likely when he went OOS for undergrad and grad. It gives us a new area to contemplate retiring to. And MilwDad, we love Madison and its weather! So does S. One of his criteria in picking schools was that it have REAL weather.</p>
<p>Home is NYC – expect parents to live there, or at least keep an apt there (they grew up there), for a long time to come. College is in NC (Duke), yet I’ve only dated guys from the NYC/NJ area.</p>
<p>Just have to defend SoCal weather for a moment.</p>
<p>This is coming from someone who has had “real” weather for 18 years and HATED it with a passion. But there is absolutely like waking up every morning and knowing you’re in the paradise of warm sunshine and palm trees. In direct contrast to my many days shivering, freezing with cold and seeing snow and ugly slush all around me which would NEVER leave except briefly for a few months and knowing every year, that I would have to face it once more. I felt so trapped, stuck in a place I couldn’t leave, trapped inside my house or the layers and layers of clothes I was forced to wear to get out. There was never enough heat and that monotomy of cold and snow and barren trees will always be my personal hell. </p>
<p>So yes, coming to SoCal is THE best decision I ever made in my life and I love it here. Sometimes you have to take a risk, go away from the place you’ve known and see where it takes you. I love being able to go outside everyday and feel the sunshine on my face, makes me feel more positive and content not to mention the beautiful flora and houses. I even love the negatives people state, the traffic and overpopulation (they all have the right idea, I think) and having the same weather every day is perfect in my opinion, because if its perfect, why wouldn’t I mind it every day? That’s REAL weather to me. I celebrate the quirks I find here, smile at the good and laugh away the bad and feel deeply appreciate that I’m lucky enough to be in my favorite place, my real home.</p>
<p>This is why I advise people to find the perfect place for them to live, whether thats California, the Midwest, the Northeast or any other place or country for that matter. Yes, sometimes you’ll be far from people but that’s a tradeoff you have to make for yourself and realize being away from something does make you appreciate it more in most cases. It’s different for every person, that’s why you have to look at yourself and what you value and what you can handle.</p>
<p>D’s undergrad is across country on the East coast. I have read the Tarot and cast the I Ching and see a strong likelihood that she will do grad/professional school on the East coast and that there’s a high chance that her first job(s) will be in the D.C. area, all with the attendant chance of meeting her future spouse. Shrug. At least she’ll be someplace that I like to visit.</p>
<p>I don’t see the point of bringing them up to take the world by the tail only to turn around and cling to them.</p>
<p>She’s already said that SoCal will always be home in her heart.</p>
<p>I can see the attractions other places might hold over the L.A. area for some folks but as someone who lived many years in suburban Chicago, Milwaukee was regarded as a good place to be <em>from</em>. Cities in the U.S. that could tempt me under different life circumstances: Boston, NYC, D.C., Chicago, San Francisco, Seattle.</p>
<p>Well, my folks are both from HI, as are their folks. They met in college at U of MI & married in HI & have lived here ever since (after graduating & my dad getting his grad degree).</p>
<p>I’m one of 7 kids. My folks tried to have all of us graduate from flagship U & we all started there but my younger brother & I left & transfered to schools in CA & OR. He & I went on to get our grad degrees in CA & he did internship & residency there & bought a house there. He married a girl from HI that he had known since HS & only returned to HI because he had promised her they would return but are happy in HI.
My older sister got her BA in HI & then got her MA at U of MI, where she met her hubby, a MI native, whose mom is originally from HI but lived in MI. They bought a home in Chicago & moved back because she promised him they could live in HI.
My younger brother got his BA in HI & then went to OR for his grad degree, where he met & married a girl from HI who was also at a different U in OR, getting her MA. They returned to HI & married & settled in HI. My younger sister got her BA in HI, met a HI boy. He went to Chicago for grad school. The married & settled in HI. I met my hubby after I returned to HI with my grad degree & full-time job (after realizing we weren’t seeing my niece in Chicago grow up & wanted to settle in HI & raise my family).
My youngest sister & her fiance are the only ones who stayed in HI for all their education & met years after they had completed school & have been working.
Bottom line, me & all 6 of my sibs & my folks have spend pretty much most of our lives in HI, tho we went to schools in CA, OR, MI & have mates who are from varying states. Not sure what will happen with our kids, but my niece got her BA in CA & then got her grad degree in HI & intends to settle in HI. Time will tell what the future brings. My S is a freshman in southern CA (did apply all over, including MA & RI), so we will see what the future brings. </p>
<p>(Unfortunately, cost of living in HI is really high in HI, especially housing & wages are pretty low.)</p>
<p>The grass is always greener on the other side, I suppose (weather-wise). Of course I omitted a pretty big contributing factor- my parents. Although I just moved out last weekend and even though I live 17 miles away- I feel a world apart. </p>
<p>Mil, Madison weather sounds great! I was reading the wiki page about Madison and it sounds like a very desirable place to live. And about LA weather- there are some pretty hot days (remember this past summer? weeks of triple digit heat!), hot dry winds in the fall, which of course means wildfires, and if you remember a few years ago when we had those massive blazes and white ash fell all throughout the region. Every place has its perks, but to say LA weather is perfect? Give me a break. If anything, all the pollution settled in the LA basin giving it that nice greenish-brown haze that obscures the sun- Tyou call THAT perfect weather?</p>