Our D is about to graduate but doesn’t have a job lined up yet, so we don’t know how long she will be living at home. She does want to get out on her own as soon as she can, though.
Our house is already small (2 BR, 1 BA) and if possible we’d like to age in place. Last year before my H had his hip replaced, we redid the bathroom-- took out the tub, put in a tiled curbless shower. It’s a safer setup for aging people (we are in our 60s and 70s.) But I still have to lug laundry up and down the stairs, and would like to change that.
After my D moves out I’m thinking of turning her bedroom into a laundry, storage and craft room. Her closet shares a wall with the bathroom plumbing so the location is good for a washer/dryer.
There is a finished room in the basement where she could sleep on an Aerobed if she visits.
However, if she ends up getting a job very far from us, we might want to relocate instead.
Yes, go for the 1 bedroom that you like. 99% of your time at home, that works for you. For remaining 1% situation of “guests”, two recommendations: 1) American Leather comfort sleeper which has memory foam matress and comes for individual guests sleeping in your living-room for a night or two. (if only they’d send me my 2nd AL comfort-sleeper sofa for that endorsement!
I haven’t been able to downsize. Most of my home possessions are hand-me-downs from prior generations, or gifts from family and friends, and I am emotionally attached: My grandmother’s dining table, my parent’s bedroom set, even much of my dinnerware and utensils; none particularly valuable. My children, nieces or nephews don’t want any of it (at least at this point in their lives), plus they live 2400 miles away! I didn’t want much of it either, when I was their age. Now each tells a story to me. If anyone knows how to break that emotional attachment, I’m open to suggestions.
We’ve also lived in our home for over 30 years, so it too holds meaning, although I would readily give up our neighborhood. Once upon a time, I hoped to retire near the children, but they both live in very high-cost cities which have skyrocketed over the last 3 years, so that probably cannot happen without exchanging our 2600 SF home for a 400 SF one-bedroom condo or even efficiency!
I’m also becoming more attached to our current location. It is a dilemma. To be near family, I’d need to cut all the roots developed over the last 40 years, and know that cannot be re-established easily. But to stay, means family time will always revolve around airfare and short term rentals. I envy those whose families live within driving distances.
One of D’s friends had grandparents who lived in MI. They’d rent an oceanfront condo for a week once/year and have everyone stay with them instead of trying to squeeze into the house the family had. It was a special treat for everyone. I’d agree that living in a place you love is a great thing. For guests, there are so many rental options that you could rent to stay with them or they could rent by themselves for more privacy.
I have many relatives who are living in huge places alone, since their kids moved out. It’s a lot to clean and no one is enjoying all that extra space that a growing family would easily fill with just one or two living in a rambling huge home.
I doubt we will downsize. One main reason is my H would hate to pay the capital gains tax. We have lived in our home for 30 years and live in an area with extremely high appreciation. My H also likes his privacy and I don’t see him moving into a condo or an apartment.
@kjofkw think of your family. I learned that I don’t need 95% of the “stuff” I have…and I will not leave my kids the huge job of purging that stuff they don’t want when I’m gone.
When my mom died, she left us with 44 movers boxes of “stuff” to get rid of. It took us a long time, and energy, and I swore I wouldn’t do that to my kids.
I’ve asked them what they want…and it’s all clearly labeled. If it’s something I don’t need or want now…it’s theirs NOW. If they say they never are going to want it…I’m taking them at their word, and it will be sold or given away when we downsize. Or sooner.
Take pictures, and make yourself a nice Shutterfly book of all the stuff.
@higgins2013 thanks so much for the American Leather sleeper info…its exactly what I was looking for I know that there will be times I’m the one who will be sleeping on it but in the event that its not me, I want it to be comfortable regardless. They are good looking too which is hard to find.
You are absolutely correct in that it is all just stuff. If we had a fire or flood tonight, it would be sad, but not devastating as long as no one were hurt.
I’ve considered that same advice to not leave the purging role to our children, but actually wonder if it might be easier for the kids to purge a parent’s accumulation, assuming it is not huge. Take what you want, & let an estate type company get rid of the rest. It really doesn’t need to take a long time or be such a burden. I saw the same scenario with my parents. It would have been heartbreaking for my mom to purge some of her ‘treasures’, but it was a lot easier for the children to do so. It didn’t hold the same history for them. For us, it was actually very civil and even fun to offer items to the extended family, and then simply donate the rest. Maybe we were lucky to have very few conflicts.
Plus, I can see their want list change as their own family circumstances change. When we bought our first house, I was thrilled to get all the yard and other tools from my father. Could I have bought everything? Maybe over time. But what a waste for him to have purged them all, and for us to have to re-purchase.
I downsized from a rambling four bedroom house to a small two bedroom rental house (it’s an iconic cottage in a picturesque seaside city). It’s worked out well.
I chose a house with a fenced yard rather than a condo since I have an energetic dog. There are mornings or afternoons when I just don’t feel like taking him for a walk. Opening the back door and throwing a tennis ball gives him a good 15 minutes of self-exercise (he starts running after the ball but then forgets what he was doing and just keeps running back and forth with no apparent objective…the cats inform me that even by dog standards he’s exceptionally dim).
Once kiddo is out of college I will buy a small place, so renting for a few years is a good way for me to gauge how I like this size house.
I can see a nice condo or townhouse in the future though. I’m fairly certain that I don’t want the hassle of major home maintenance any more.
If I asked my kids which of my stuff they want right now, they would probably say none of it since they are both in tiny apartments, but I think when/if one of them moves into a house, they will want some of my stuff to fill it up. Nearly every item in my house was passed down to me from family. I have only purchased 3 recliners and very recently a bedroom suite (which I don’t really like) when I gave my son the bedroom furniture in his room when he moved out. It had belonged to my ex-husband’s family and it did not hurt me to part with it.
I think the hardest things for me to part with, when the time comes, will be my dishes. I have at least four full sets and one Christmas set (cheap but sentimental). For some reason, I love dishes.
@thumper1 I don’t think my S will be interested but my D has already called dibs on one set!
Also, when I buy wedding gifts, I always get dishes if they have selected any on their registries. I love dishes! But I use Corelle for every day, and I love them, too. LOL
Am looking for a sleeper sofa to put in S2’s room now that he has moved out. This has possibilities. Not sure we need one in the living room any more. I currently have an IKEA futon in my sewing room for when S1 comes home.
Our S bought an inexpensive sleeper sofa from IKEA. It’s fairly comfortable and we have spent a week sleeping on it when visiting him. It also has storage for bedding and pillows. He likes that it is tall enough for the robotic vacuum to clean under without having to move it.
I know that there will be times I’m the one who will be sleeping on it but in the event that its not me, I want it to be comfortable regardless. They are good looking too which is hard to find.