My husband and I and our 2 girls have lived in the same house for the last 17 years. A large house with a basement and a small lot. It is in the suburbs very convenient to everything.
Older D is a junior in college and younger D is a junior in private HS (so moving won’t affect her senior year)
We are thinking about moving to a smaller house with 5 acres. I am so nervous! I thought I really wanted this but yesterday after looking at the potential house I got anxious.
I think I feel guilty about getting rid of furniture and other “stuff” we worked so hard to get in the first place.
Any ideas on getting past this obligation I feel to things? I keep wanting to hold onto it because “someone might need it”
Not easy to do… I just downsized from a 3200 square foot house with large basement and 3 car garage to a 1200 sq ft apartment and a 10x10 storage unit. Across the country, too.
It honestly took me a couple of years to get rid of enough stuff for the move. It took multiple passes – something I thought I wouldn’t part with the first time I went through became easier to let go later on. It is disappointing that you don’t get much $$ for stuff, too. For me, I just tried really hard to keep my eye on the goal of moving out of the large house that is a lot of work, and thinking, “Do I really want to move this item cross country? Will I need or use it?” Sometimes I just had to shut my eyes and let something go. I haven’t missed much of it, though.
I donated stuff, sold on Craigslist, had a garage sale, and threw stuff out. If I stopped to wish I had all the money back I had spent in stuff, it would make me crazy, so I tried not to. I gave my kids a say (to a point).
I had to remind myself that it took me 30 years of adulthood (along with an ex-H, 2 kids, and multiple pets) to accumulate all this stuff. It was going to take some concerted effort and time to pare it down.
Thanks inparent
D liked the Japanese art of decluttering book by Kondo.
I have heard about that book! Maybe I will get it for Kindle. We have many, many books that will be something I will have to downsize!
I’m in the process of trying to declutter/purge so I know how you feel, @veruca. One thought it donating stuff to those in need such as an abused women’s shelter or a non-profit supporting recently arrived refugees might make you feel better about parting with things.
Thanks all
Congratulations on your decision! It’s so much better to downsize now than when you’re older and task seems impossible. Better to do it yourself than leaving it to your kids. Think of it as simplifying your life and you will see the positive benefits.
I buy things, particularly furniture (a worse habit than clothes because of the space it takes up). therefore I have stuff. some of it bought, also some inherited…over three or four generations! about 5 years ago we started clearing it out. every time I start with misgivings, but finish feeling awesome. visual and actual space in our (smaller at 1800 sq ft) home is a luxury. i imagine this is how it feels to lose weight, although sadly i have been more successful losing large amounts of stuff than i have been with weight. Antique bureau from my great great grandparents? Don’t hold your breath, you’re on your way to the garage next…and then to the veterans
In the midst of it now. The smaller house is bought, and some remodeling is going on as I move things in. The big house is still filled with far too much stuff. My time off work is limited. My new house has everything I need, basement and garage included. My old house is a historic and beautiful, and the loss of it as well as that tie with the younger years of raising kids breaks my heart at times. But my eye is on the prize- a freer future, less of my money tied to the cost of housing, time to spend on the pursuits I have forsaken for the sake of cleaning and yard work. Plus it is the right thing to do. Someone else deserves this space for raising kids, and it is a waste of many sorts of resources to heat and maintain all this for one aging person.
I am reminded of Kubler Ross and the stages of grieving. The grief morphs and changes as a new life is built.
Yeah that great grandparents thing really gets to me. Also thinking my kids might want things.
@veruca I have done precisely what @intparent has done. Like her, I also rent a 10 by 10 storage unit. While I got rid of tons of stuff, I was able to save some things that don’t fit in my apartment, such as for my kids or potential grandkids, or things I wasn’t ready to part with.
Take pictures of those things that you can’t or don’t want to move but have sentimental value. You’ll get the same nostalgic feelings about them when you look at the pictures.
Read through the Bag a Week thread! There is a wealth of advice on how to purge stuff.
One important thing to remember is that even your great grandparents wouldn’t care about the dresser. For them, it was probably just a utilitarian object. What’s important about your great grandparents is the values they left you – not a dresser.
Honor them in other ways.
We are also in the middle of this process - closed on a new place two weeks ago and won’t close on our current home for another two weeks. We really started the emotional part of it over a year ago, taking part of one weekend during the winter (since when the weather’s nice, we like to get outside) to slowly go through the basement and purge. it helped me in the process of letting go of stuff that I was somewhat attached to, but hadn’t been used in years, and wasn’t going to be. So emotionally, it helped me prepare for this stage. When the girls were home for Christmas, they knew it was their last shot at saving anything they wanted, so we all spent an afternoon going through their childhood stuff - it was actually very nostalgic and fun.
My biggest coup was finding four different Facebook Garage Sale pages in my area. Before Thanksgiving, I started listing stuff and selling it. I liked it better than doing Craigslist because people on the Facebook page have to be approved by an administrator (who I’m assuming will remove people if they become difficult, or stalk people). For smaller items, people around here will sometimes suggest meeting in the parking lot of a local village police department for the exchange of money and goods. I still have three big pieces I need to sell - if I can’t, someone gave me the name of a consignment shop that will take it. So two weeks before movers are coming, and I think I’ve done pretty good selling stuff. I’m sure if you check your area under Facebook Garage Sale, you’ll find at least one or two groups.
Thanks everyone! You are all very wise. @VeryHappy you are so right -I need to find other ways to honor my family.
There is a lot of guilt that is tied up in it too. I feel bad that I wasted money on things I didn’t use like I thought I would.
Ballpark -what does a storage unit run? The (potentially) new house has a barn - but I am not sure if it is a good idea to store furniture in it.
Welcome to the club. But, the past is past, and feeling bad about it doesn’t change anything. Just move on and vow to make better buying decisions next time.
@veruca Currently, my 10 by 10 storage unit costs $136/month. It tends to go up yearly though.