It’s not that I WANT to have a different last name from my son, it’s that I was wiling to let him have his father’s.
H could have changed his name to mine or hyphenated. He didn’t want to. But he actually wanted S to have my last name as one of his 2 middle names. His suggestion.
@lookingforward, any woman of a certain age has heard that “it’s your father’s name” nonsense over and over again. The point is that it is the name that feels like MINE. None of my friends from college changed their names when they married. Few of the friends of my age that I’ve met since did so either. I agree with doschicos: it’s the people you choose to be friends with.
Someone in my church has two children and they gave the first kid the father’s last name and the second the mother’s last name. We were talking about it recently (we have a new pastor who didn’t realize they were related), and both parents said that in hindsight they wish they had chosen a third last name for everyone. I have a co-worker who just did that. The co-worker is the husband and he made it a big, fun thing for family and friends as part of their wedding festivities. I admired that a lot.
I don’t care if it’s my father’s name. It’s MY name and had been that way for 24 years before marriage. It’s my name.
Plus, I really don’t like Mr. R’s last name
I guess I grew up around so many “yours, mine, and ours” families that last name was pretty irrelevant. As far as I know, no one ever didn’t realize my sister’s brothers were her brothers despite the different last names- or that her mom wasn’t hers because of the different last names.
Maybe the next evolution in names will be to just have a first and a middle name (the middle would be the new last…) Or even just a first. And, if you don’t like what your parents picked or get bored with your names, you can always change them. Movie stars and criminals do this frequently already.
Anyway, just call me Mom and I’ll be happy. As of this August, my house is devoid of any kids calling me Mom, except for occasionally on my cell phone. I sure miss it! Hey, Mom, What’s for dinner? Can I go to the movie tonight with your car, Mom? I think this is why I am frittering away valuable time on this CC website. Maybe I subconsciously want to have another child apply to college? Even though the college application process was completely stressful for the whole family?
@zoosermom, I know a couple who agreed that if the first child were a girl the children would have her name, and if it were a boy they would have his name. I like the idea of picking or constructing a new family name, too.
I’m not arguing for either side. I kept my birth name (my father actually changed his own surname to Anglicize, his brothers didn’t.) I only changed to DH’s when we were moving abroad, to simplify grant issues. (Not realizing how common separate names are, in Germany.) So be it.
When we lived in CA, all they asked for was consistency in use. I changed my DL, passport, and then did taxes with both names (Mary A Smith aka Mary S Jones,) later bought two homes. SSA didn’t catch up to me til 2010. And yes, I winced when I had to make that last step.
Now, at my age, friends go by whatever. Some remarried kept the surname of their former spouse, having worked under it. Some never changed anything.
@LanaHere I am sorry for going off on a tangent on your thread. I respect you from afar for going the extra mile to make sure your wedding gift is perfect and properly addressed. You clearly pay attention to details and care about other people. I am sure your doctor friends are going to appreciate your gift and your good wishes.
And, I am appreciative of your questions too. I bought the big hardback Emily Post Book of Etiquette when I was younger, so that I could try to be proper for weddings, baby showers, professional occasions, etc. I realize now, because of your thread, that I need to get rid of that book, because it is clearly outdated. It’s 30 years old!
Miss Manners used to say it would be much more logical for kids to have the mother’s last name since if the parents split they usually end up spending most of the time with her.
I gave my older son my last name for his middle name and if I had it to do again, I’d probably do the same for my younger son too.
My husband and I have been married forever, and I have never used his last name. So my kids have a different last name than I do. Eventually, I just accepted being called Mrs.Hisname by people I knew through my kids.
I also don’t use the Dr. honorific with my name unless I’m having a sudden fit of status anxiety. As I’m thinking about it, it occurs to me how infrequently the Miss/Mrs/Ms/Dr controversy comes up in business. It’s almost always first name/last name with nothing else appended to that.
@mathmom@Bromfield2 Yes, I wish I had done what you did and used my family name as the kids’ middle names. It is a nice way to pass along the family memory, and often sounds quite distinctive. My mom, now 81, actually suggested that to me, but for some reason I didn’t want to do that at that time. Not sure what my objection would have been, except that maybe it was my mother’s idea??? I did pick other family names to use for my kids though.
Blending the names or using one for the middle name doesn’t always work, though. My sister found that out when she tried to combine her long Germanic last name with her husband’s long Italian last name. It was like trying to combine sauerkraut and pesto.
I hate when people other than my kids call me Mom. The nurses in the hospital used to do it, and I’ve had a lot of other medical people do it too. I hate it. ‘Are you Mom’? I’d answer ‘I’m her mother , but not yours. Don’t call me Mom’
My sister’s kids both have her last name as their middle names and use them all the time so it is often like they have a hyphenated last name. Sister’s name (and mine) is much more recognized in the kids’ teen life because of a brother who is active in sports.
BIL’s family did it right. His mother kept her maiden name. Or maybe she didn’t? Her maiden name was Brown, she married a guy named Brown. Everyone is a Brown. Easy.
