For envelopes:
General John Smith and Dr. Mary Smith
Or, if roles are reversed:
General Mary Smith and Dr. John Smith
Or, if you are close and situation is informal:
Mary and John Smith
(Although technically you should either spell out both titles or use abbreviations for both, I would probably not do that).
Speaking of wedding, the week before I got married, my husband’s co-worker, a registered nurse (one of his best friends), was telling my husband about the wedding gift she has planned for him (?).
She said to him: “For your wedding present, I got you a two days and two nights stay at a bed and breakfast downtown in the historic district. You can stay there for your honeymoon.”
Then she turned to me and said: “You can come too.”
I think that was the luckiest day of my life. I get to go on the honeymoon with my husband, and on top of that, this girl picked out our honeymoon location too.
You know when you’re young, you don’t think much about anything, but looking back, I think it’s hilarious.
“For engraving on an object, a monogram is much more elegant. LSJ with the S larger than the L or J. Then you don’t need to figure out the titles.”
OMG - I love this idea.
Thanks!!! @nottelling
^ Why the heck is Mr. and Ms. His first name his last name incorrect if the Ms. uses husband’s last name?
^^ Great if she can snag a General.
How about Doctor Mary Smith and Private First Class James Jones ?
Whether it’s correct or incorrect, it really ticks many women off. They have their husband’s last name, not his first.
How about “Human 1 and Human 2”? 
Mathmom, I didn’t read the link but in your example you use “Ms.” Ms. Is obviously the preferred title for 99.9% of women these days, and “Ms.” Is always used with the woman’s first name. That’s why your example (Mr and Ms. John Smith) is technically incorrect. By contrast, Emily Post, at least, would still allow “Mr. and Mrs. John Smith” and even “Mrs. John Smith” for women who do not object to that form (though every woman I know under the age of 95 would object to the latter in today’s world, and I personally believe strongly it should never be used.)
Oh I hate being Mrs. His first name and last name. Just thought it was funny that it was specifically forbidden in the link whereas nearly every other combination was okay.
Do you really think Ms. is preferred by 99% of women? I’d guess at my kids’ elementary school nearly all the married women preferred Mrs. except for the handful that kept their names. Teachers too were all Mrs. if married and usually Miss if unmarried.
The virtue of Ms is that it makes it completely unnecessary to find out whether or not a woman is married. And a huge virtue that is!
Actually, that’s true – the realm of elementary school seems to be an exception to the general rule. In every other environment I can think of, “Ms.” is the default. Certainly in any business setting, or in any public proceeding, it is. In the public realm “Ms.” Is almost universally used and I guess I just sort of assume that women prefer that form of address. My cohort certainly does! Once in awhile I will have a witness or something who prefers to be addressed as “Mrs. Smith” instead of “Ms. Smith” but it is usually only the elderly grande dame types.
There was a reference to the doctor being at a prestigious place et al. So what? I t makes no difference if he works at an ordinary place or some hallowed halls.
Over the years as we get more secure with ourselves we tend to be less concerned about titles. The exception is when one is slighted by having others get the title mentioned and those with the same one don’t (working at a prestigious place does not mean one is at all a better physician or doing more for people, btw).
Also- I do not hold those etiquette authors as authorities about their subject. Cultures/societies are constantly evolving. Breaking the “rules” helps change them.
That sister in law once gave me a gift with the wrong last name or initial (can’t remember decades later)- it ruined it for me to see that error of personalization (it was also impractical for me and never used). btw- don’t assume all physicians, or any other occupation, social status, income level will want or use something. You may give something traditional to a couple you dislikes that and would prefer contemporary. An engraved whatever is likely to be that white elephant that takes up space somewhere.
That Emily Post link was helpful.
I love being called Mrs. XX by my sons’ friends and others. The title kind of makes me happy, because it reminds me of the most important people in my life: my husband and my kids. I always think it’s a litle odd when women want to have a different last name from their kids. Somehow the same family last name links us all symbolically as a family.
I kept my maiden name for work for a few years after I got married, just because it was a pain to change all of my records. But, the idea of having children prompted me to change it. I really don’t care what people call me, but sometimes Ms. just seems impersonal, except at work or in an emvironment (like a retail store) where people don’t know me.
"There was a reference to the doctor being at a prestigious place et al. So what? I t makes no difference if he works at an ordinary place or some hallowed halls.
Over the years as we get more secure with ourselves we tend to be less concerned about titles. The exception is when one is slighted by having others get the title mentioned and those with the same one don’t (working at a prestigious place does not mean one is at all a better physician or doing more for people, btw)."
You went on an unnecessary rant for no reason.
The point is that someone who works at a prestigious place is more likely to be busier than someone who doesn’t. Note, I said more likely.
My point was that, I didn’t think he would have time to hang out at malls/stores.
Just a simple point. Nothing more. Don’t read into it. There is no reason to exhaust your mind on this one.
I am sure a STEM Professor at a prestigious University is more likely to be busier than a professor at a community college… More time required for research, public speaking appearance etc…
Not saying one person is better than the other, I hope I am not misunderstood this time.
Thanks!
Let me stay off here for a few months.
I learned a very long time ago that names don’t make a family. I have several people out there who share my last name that I don’t consider family. They are relatives and relatives are not necessarily family.
Likewise, when my sister gets married and changes her last name, we’re still going to be family.
Family are the people are people who love and care for one another. No matching names needed.
Re Post #75. True. I guess I like traditional family names, and, coincidentally, so do most of my close college and MBA friends. Must be our age (old!).
Or just the people you choose to be friends with. As a “woman of a certain age” myself, many of my friends and acquaintances have chosen to stick with their maiden names throughout life. I don’t think it’s an age thing unless you are 80+. Nor do I think it reflects on our closeness/connection to our spouse and children.
One friend made a big stink (that’s what it was) about keeping her birth name. All about how she was no man’s possession, etc, all the words and phrases some of us of “a certain age” heard so often at the time.
Another noted, Yeah, but then we keep our father’s name?"
Just saying there’s more to think about, when deciding. I’m happy to call anyone what they wish.