If you are getting something engraved, it’s not about what YOU call them, it’s about what they call THEMSELVES.
I really think you’re way over complicating this.
Just saw ‘those FB people’ introduced as “Mark Zuckerberg and Dr. Priscilla Chen.” He got no Mr.
I think whatever you choose to do about taking on a new name after marriage or using an official title like Dr. or Honorable is to remember that everyone is not so informed as those of us on CC. Be kind. Friends of my kids call me Mrs. X all the time although I’ve never been married. I don’t care. My sister, who has a different last name than her H or children, is called Mrs. B all the time, and she just lets it go or politely says “Oh, my name is First/Last” and it’s fine. I work with a guy who had one name, his wife another, and his kids hyphenated. She’d make a HUGE deal of it all the time, marking out an incorrect name on her name tags, or adding her name to the kids’ name tags. She was otherwise a fairly nice person, but she was crazy about this. Husband couldn’t have cared less, and the kids’ hyphenated names listed the mother first, so it was more likely that his name was the one dropped from the name tag.
I’m always kind about people who call me “Mrs. HLastname.” I would never correct a kid, for example. S/he is only calling me that because I am my S’s mother, and that is his last name.
But I REALLY do not want to be lumbered with an engraved item that refers to me that way!
@LanaHere, could you reveal what exactly the object is that will be engraved? NOT for the purpose of criticizing your choice of gift, but in order to consider what kind of engraving is suitable. 
Agree with jonri–at least according to old etiquette books Mrs. Lisa [husband’s last name] is actually the former wife of Dr./Mr. [husband’s last name].
For some reason, this thread reminds me of the time Charlie Brown won a bowling trophy, and his name was mis-spelled in the engraving on it.
I so often get called the wrong first name that I’ll now answer to it. A similar example might be Arlene and Eileen.
Lana, I think Dr John Smith and Mrs Lisa Smith just sounds off only because we don’t have call for that aspect of etiquette much.
I wonder how they’d list themselves if, say, they made a donation and their names were to be listed in a program or other recognition.
@Consolation – I’m curious; why not Lisa and John Smith, in accordance with traditional etiquette?
" If you are getting something engraved, it’s not about what YOU call them, it’s about what they call THEMSELVES.
I really think you’re way over complicating this. "
I come on here and I asked something that I truly don’t know. There are a lot of folks on here with good information. I needed their help. This is important to me because the person (the Doctor) is a very important person of a very prestigious medical school. He is very generous, humble and has always been good to my kid. So naturally, I want to get this right.
If you feel like I am over complicating it is probably because I don’t know what you know but mostly, I don’t think like you.
@notelling, I don’t think either of us was aware of that nuance. I think Lisa and John would be just fine. Or even better. I guess I was thinking of the reverse because it seemed that the OP knew John but not Lisa.
As a person who has kept the name I was given at birth married to a person with a PhD ( I only have a Masters), I prefer Ms. first name and last and Dr. first name and last.
I’m old school, so prefer a bit more formality than just first names. I’m very particular about people calling me by my first name in formal or professional situations. When students walk into my office and call me by my first name, I correct them. When people soliciting money from me call on the phone and call me by my first name, I correct them.
When I meet my kids new friends or significant others, I always tell them to call me by my first name.
For engraving on an object, a monogram is much more elegant. LSJ with the S larger than the L or J. Then you don’t need to figure out the titles.
Engraving–I’d give them the gift and let them know I’ve already paid for engraving at Engraving store. Personally, unless I know fold VERY well, I don’t give engraved or personalized gifts.
^ I really like that idea.
@Lanahere, at first I thought you were asking how to address an envelope, which is very different that having something engraved. If you are having something engraved, I’d go with the familiar, either “Lisa and John” or “Lisa and John Smith” or “The Smiths” An envelope or invitation can be the formal, but when you are addressing them in person you wouldn’t day “Dr. John Smith”, just Dr. Smith or John if you knew him well.
If it is a picture frame or platter or something, I think they’d prefer to just look at their names on it and not their titles. I also think it will look better to have a shorter name if it is going to go over the wedding date, more balanced.
Sometimes, on a frame, if the idea is they can insert a wedding picture, just the wedding date is engraved.
Can you ask the couple how they would like the engraving done? You’ve received a lot of conflicting advice about what is correct in various scenarios and contexts, but at the end of the day it is a gift you hope the couple will enjoy. You aren’t ruining any surprise by telling the couple you’d like to engrave their gift the way THEY prefer it, and asking what they want. HImom’s idea of paying in advance for engraving but letting the couple choose it sounds nice, but a newly married couple will have so much to do (honeymoon, thank you notes, etc) that they may not appreciate having to take a gift to a specific store to pick out engraving. And as you have seen in this thread, there are multiple “technically correct” ways to address people and you’d hate to choose one that either member of the couple dislikes.
I for one do not care one bit what traditional naming rules are I can not stand to be Mrs H’s first name. And I will correct people who refer to me that way.
^^^I feel the same way @FallGirl, I find it so offensive to have my first name left off. I was happy to take my husband’s last name when we married because I hated my own birth name, but “Mrs. H first name”? No. My MIL used “Mr & Mrs H first name H last name” on a Christmas card once. I told H I hated that, he jokingly told his mom, and she’s been gigging me with it ever since. Sometimes she even addresses my birthday cards as “Mrs H firstname” as a joke. I don’t find it particularly funny even though I know she’s only doing it in fun.
“HImom’s idea of paying in advance for engraving but letting the couple choose it sounds nice, but a newly married couple will have so much to do (honeymoon, thank you notes, etc) that they may not appreciate having to take a gift to a specific store to pick out engraving.”
Agreed!
First thing came to mind: even before this medical doctor was married, he’s always off to different countries every other weekend, and on the weekends when he’s in the US, he travels, giving lectures on research at conferences.
He teaches. He’s the head man of the richest medical research lab of its kind. He has private medical offices where he sees patients etc…I don’t think he has time to hang out at a mall/store for engraving.
But nevertheless, I appreciate the feedback.
Ok here’s another scenario. Male active duty military officer and female medical doctor. What do you do with that?
Wait until the situation arises?