<p>Is she on any allergy meds? This summer my 16 yo developed emotional issues as we cycled through different allergy meds trying to find something to help her asthma. She is MUCH better since we stopped everything. </p>
<p>It feels terrible when our children our suffering. Hugs to you.</p>
<p>It’s got to be rough on you if you are feeling stress in your marriage, at the same time seeing your daughter flounder. I know you feel anxious, but rather than wring hands now, could you possibly instead beam out some confidence and steady strength for her. </p>
<p>She must be scared. Can you look her in the eye and reassure her that she is a great girl, and eventually will be okay again, that you firmly believe that. Applaud her for the hard work she’s doing with that therapist, and if you think so, tell her you’ll also seek medical solutions, but in the end she will be better. If she’s noticed the marital stress, tell her explicitly that it is not caused by her, and she will be okay no matter what happens between the adults. </p>
<p>I feel like she needs a rock right now, or someone who believes in her and says so. Even if you have to act the part, try to be that confident Mom on her behalf.</p>
<p>She is a smart kid. She can see through anything that is artificial. She needs love. Both of us do things but not expressive in terms of showing affection. No hugging in our family. </p>
<p>Her behavior alienated all her friends. She says that she has friends but they all seem to be not close friends. We tried to hook her up with friends but at this age they have to develop friendships by themselves.</p>
<p>I am not on board with some of the things that the therapist is telling her. For Example, Donot focus on grades. Get better first etc… The last 6 months feels like 6 years for me. </p>
<p>If anyone has experience with teenage girl depression, please post how long did it take to recover. What helped etc…</p>
<p>Thank you everyone. I want to be hopeful…</p>
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<p>There is a lot of truth to that, and I think if you read enough of CC and other stories where either students asked for help for their depression, or parents shared it, you will see that almost unanimously, people will say getting the depression managed is the first priority. It doesn’t mean she should give up on school, but if she is truly depressed, healing from that has to be the number one priority.</p>
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<p>Keep being depressed and have straight As, or recover from depression and have poor grades? I vote for the recovery, without a doubt. Just as I would vote for recovery with other diseases. </p>
<p>No one would think for a second that they would prolong their child’s cancer or something just to keep their grades up. Prolonging depression to keep grades up is equally off the table.</p>
<p>My youngest spent last spring’s finals week at an in-patient psychiatric facility. When you perceive that it’s life or death, grades become utterly meaningless. But I hope your daughter is not there yet. </p>
<p>If her grades are going to be terrible, as in blowing any chance to get into any college, you might want to think about withdrawing her from school.</p>
<p>The horrible insidious part of depression is that it might turn out to be life and death, but the parent doesn’t realize it yet.</p>
<p>Read about teen depression: very often a symptom is anger and rebelliousness. It’s not always the “can’t get out of bed” situation that we think of for depression </p>
<p>I agree that you ought to ease up on grades. Ah is young, there is a lot of time yet, and she will end up where it is best for her. If she senses pressure that can backfire. </p>
<p>If you trust this therapist then get on board and do the work he/she suggests. If not, then find another. Don’t undermine their work.</p>
<p>Are you able to home school her (just for a break while things settle down?) It’s the depression I think, could she perhaps also be bipolar or have they ruled THAT out and this is a straight clinical depression? Agree that she needs to focus on being well first. You/she will be able to explain any issues with grades when she is ready for college. Even have her repeat the grade when she is well is an option.</p>
<p>In June you wrote that you were hoping to help your daughter with anxiety, OCD, etc. is this the same daughter? If so, this sounds like continuation of some issues that have been going on for a while.</p>
<p>I agree with others. The therapist and her primary care physician should be fully informed regarding what you are seeing. Can YOU make an appointment to see them and discuss this?</p>
<p>Well, COULD you give her a hug? This came up in my therapy as an ADULT. Thankfully resolved before my mom passed away - we were some hugging fools by then :)</p>
<p>My kid is a hugger too…</p>
<p>I can totally relate to your situation my 16 yr old daughter who was straight A student with tons of friends basically had a major change in 10th grade. We found out she was cutting and very depressed with anxiety issues. We have a healthy family life with extended family and friends and just couldn’t understand where this was coming from. Sometimes there are no answers. We had every single medical test done, evaluated for hormonal problems etc. Nothing. We did put her on birthcontrol pill just to even out her moods which seems much worse with PMS. She is in counseling and basically has been alienated due to her own behavior or friends uncomfortableness with her openness about mental illness. They only thing I can suggest is you love her unconditionally. Yes her grades suffered and she won’t get into top colleges but who cares. She is currently looking at a small liberal arts school in Vermont and hopefully will be happy there. I would focus more on letting her know that all kids have challenges and anxiety and depression may be hers. Let her know you love her no matter what and all problems you can find solutions. hope this helps to know you aren’t alone. REading your post helped me. take care</p>
<p>My D is struggling with anxiety too. I swear it’s some kind of epidemic. As I talk more about it, I learn about more and more people who are dealing with it. It is very difficult to see our kids struggling.</p>
<p>As far as grades, I do think getting better is most important, but I also see maintaining decent grades can be part of that…so that they aren’t digging a hole that creates more stress. For us, it also gives D something to focus on that at times seems helpful, but at times feels stressful. It’s a challenge though, deciding where that line is.</p>
<p>Missypie, You have been so open about your child’s struggles. I have wondered, what happened in that in-patient environment that made such a difference so quickly? </p>
<p>About the tests for hormone issues: Does it need to be an endocrinologist for the tests, or can a regular family practitioner or pediatrician run them?</p>
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<p>Nothing made a quick difference …I’m sorry if I left that impression. In my very limited experience with in-patient facilities, what they do is keep your kid from harming herself. This facility to which D was admitted transitions from in-patient, to all day in the facility but sleeping at home, to three days a week, to a private therapist. We still have struggles much of the time, but I no longer have that sick feeling that I’m going to go home and find her dead.</p>
<p>Sorry to be so dramatic…I am actually an extraordinarily low key person who hates drama.</p>
<p>Our pediatrician ordered the thyroid panel, then referred her to a ped. endo once we received the results.</p>
<p>Another question for the OP (and anyone else dealing with this). Do you have any “issues” in the family? The depression, poor impulse control, ADHD, autoimmune issues- all from my side of the family. In fact, all the folks who have a certain “look”/coloring have pretty similar issues.</p>
<p>Be honest with yourself and your medical personnel about what is hanging off the family tree (not just you but siblings, grandparents, aunts and uncles). It might really help with the diagnosis.</p>
<p>Not all in-patient facilities are alike. At the last one I worked in, each young adult had 3 individual therapy sessions and one family session per week, morning groups teaching communication, CBT and DBT groups (recognizing one’s irrational thinking, assertiveness, relationships), art therapy, exercise, NA meetings if appropriate, nutritional counseling, full physicals, psychiatric consults, and structure. We would consult with HS and college deans to coordinate classwork. I’m sure I am leaving out some elements, but the teens had full days. Aftercare to day treatment programs and therapists is essential.</p>
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<p>This is a huge warning sign to me - about you. CC parents are often high-charged, and the result lends itself to overstrung and/or rebellious kids. You need to prioritize your child’s health before getting top grades.</p>
<p>== PiperXP.</p>
<p>It’s far better to get your head on straight before heading into college than to get into college and then royally crash and burn.</p>
<p>Depression is a chemical disease that causes changes that are visible on an MRI if left untreated. Untreated depression causes neuron loss.</p>
<p>Look. I willpowered my way through high school and into MIT. That got me…two years, three failed classes, involuntary commitment, involuntary medical leave, and I’ve effectively blown my chances at medical school. Not treating mental illnesses is not a plan.</p>
<p>My DD had anxiety from the time she was a little girl. It worsened when she started high school, to the point where it was difficult to go to school. She dropped all of her friends and began to have huge ‘rages’ at home, almost like toddler temper tantrums. We took her to a number of mental health professionals for therapy. She was treated for anxiety and depression and she was on an SSRI for awhile. It would get a little better but then it would come back. We were at wits end and didn’t know what else to do for her. </p>
<p>Then I came across the following article (below), which described my daughter’s behavior. It was as if the author was a frequent visitor to our home who watched her grow up. I began to realize that the anxiety was not her main problem; that it was actually one of the symptoms of a much bigger problem that all of the psychiatrists, psychologists, and social workers who had worked with her just didn’t recognize. </p>
<p>She was diagnosed properly three years ago, and now is taking the proper medication for her problem. She is a different person; she is almost like the person she had been before she became ill. She still has some anxiety, but she understands what it is and is able to keep it under control. It is not ruining her life. She is in college, doing well, involved in activities, has made great friends, etc; everything we all hope for our children.</p>
<p>We can’t believe the difference in her. The right doctor and the right treatment has given her back her life.</p>
<p>I’m not suggesting that any of your children have a problem similar to my DD. But I learned from experience that just because someone has an MD or a MSW or a PHD, they aren’t necessarily right when they diagnose your child. Also, anxiety and depression can be part of many other mental health problems and if a person has one of these other problems, the anxiety can’t be effectively controlled until the underlying problem has been diagnosed and controlled. I suggest that you read and research and think outside the box as you try to help your child.</p>
<p>I also agree with the poster above who suggested that you be honest with yourself about mental health issues that other family members might have. People don’t like to talk about it, but knowing what is in the gene pool can help the mental health professional make a more accurate diagnosis.</p>
<p><a href=“http://www.bipolarchild.com/Newsletters/0307.html[/url]”>http://www.bipolarchild.com/Newsletters/0307.html</a></p>
<p>Please, take your D to a GYN and go through the symptoms of Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder (PMDD). There is no official “test” for it, but prolonged, heavy periods, mood swings,depressed mood and feelings of hopelessness, marked anger, increased interpersonal problems, lack of interest in extra-curricular activities, etc, are all symptoms. It’s much worse than PMS but can be helped with certain meds such as Beyaz and Yazmin. While my D never went through the drop of grades or problems in school- she simply does not have that type of personality under any conditions and will keep up her grades at any cost- she was miserable and argumentative for two weeks a month for years until a female MD finally recognized what she was going through, and thankfully, prescribed one of the meds I just listed. It’s made a huge difference in her life-there was a hiccup in treatment when an insurance company decided that she needed to take the generic “equivalent” of Yazmin, which was NOT the same and sent her into a tailspin.
If sounds like your D has been tested for a bunch of other things and doesn’t show evidence of drug usage or other identifiable problem, so please do check into this. I think that you are a great mom for trying to help your D; please keep us posted if you are comfortable doing so.</p>