<p>My daughter who used to be focused and ambitious in elementary and middle school changed into someone who is a completely different person. She excelled in school before but now she hardly studies and her grades are suffering. She dropped all her ECs to lessen the stress.</p>
<p>Her angry outbursts and talking back is getting out of control. She is going through Therapy and meds since Summer as she was diagnosed to be depressed.</p>
<p>I talked with some parents and they said some girls go through this phase in 9th Grade and they change for the better in 10th Grade. </p>
<p>Parents who have daughters, could you please share your experience and advice.</p>
<p>I can relate. My daughter slid terribly in 9th grade, and now in 10th she is near the bottom. Her anxiety has gotten the better of her, and she can’t face school anymore. I don’t think of it as a common phase some girls go through–I don’t think it’s bound with gender. Maybe the age. It seems so bad now, as opposed to when the kids were young, because the stakes are so much higher.</p>
<p>Sax–can you explain more about the endocrinologist? My kid has been to many doctors and no one suggested this.</p>
<p>I am the mother of two young adult daughters. While I think some changes occur for young teen girls, what you are describing doesn’t seem like the norm. I’m glad your D is getting therapy and I hope things turn around. Every kid is different. My girls had no drop in grades or ECs or anything like that when freshmen in HS. I did have one D who would be disrespectful or talk back at that age (and one who didn’t) and I do think that is the norm for many teen girls that they eventually grow out of. But what you describe is much more than that with the change in her academic performance and so on and the diagnosis of depression. Continue to seek help with counselors, school personnel and doctors. Hugs.</p>
<p>I’m not sax, but an endocrinologist can, for one, check/examine the thyroid. A hyper- or hypo- thyroid can cause all kinds of emotional/behavioral issues.</p>
<p>I’m sorry about the situation with your D. I have family friends who had major trouble with their D in 9th grade. This is a lovely family with four children, very close and the youngest D is a very loving, smart, sweet person. She just lost it completely in 9th grade, a complete breakdown with anxiety. She was hospitalized for a short time, withdrew from public school, extensive counseling and meds. She completed high school at a private school that is home school based (meet with licensed teachers once a week). Now, ten years after her breakdown, she has her degree in social work, works for a social services agency,and is in graduate school to get her master’s. She served for a year in Africa teaching English as a volunteer. </p>
<p>Her parents, especially her mom, were just knocked sideways by all this, but they and all their friends helped the D get through her black period. I hope the same will happen for your D.</p>
<p>Hypothyroidism is often triggered by puberty. I caught my D’s at about the same time, just because I have Hashimotos and know it is hereditary, so I asked her doctors to run a full panel. Her antibodies were already at the “1000+” level at 15.</p>
<p>You didn’t mention her social situation, now that she’s dropped all her EC’s. If she changed her circle of friends and still goes out, I’d wonder about drug use. By contrast, if she comes home from school and self-isolates, that sounds more like severe depression. Does she have a single friend, or nobody? </p>
<p>As a parent, I’d at least want to know from the therapist whether your D’s suffering is from longterm chronic depression, or a reaction to some specific trauma (for example, sexual abuse or bullying at school). If the first, you are right to just keep chipping away at it as you are. If a trauma, perhaps you need to change her school or protect her from a specific relative, that kind of thing.</p>
<p>Cross-posted with Consolation, above. Adding: My brother, a lay mental health advocate but not a therapist, would ask upset people in peer support: “What happened to you?” instead of “What’s wrong(with you)… why are you so sad…” etc. if he was trying to get them to talk about a trauma.</p>
<p>We got her checked out by Physician. Everything came back fine. She does have extended menses. </p>
<p>No trauma or abuse. There was some casual girl bullying in 5th Grade and a breakup of a friendship in Spring (8th grade) finally pushed her over the edge.</p>
<p>There is some stress in our(parents) marriage. That must have effected her. </p>
<p>It is breaking my heart to see her . I am not that religious but I started praying almighty for help. I now understand why people pray. </p>
<p>My life has changed during this last 6 months. I want to be hopeful that things will change but I am concerned.</p>
<p>*There is some stress in our(parents) marriage. That must have effected her. *</p>
<p>No doubt.
Are you and your partner seeking counseling?Perhaps a group counseling session could be arranged.
But I agree that puberty triggers all kinds of things, and just because the pediatrician didn’t find anything, doesn’t mean there isn’t a physical cause. It just means that you have to look deeper.</p>
<p>My d started her period around 11 or 12. She always complained about how long it was and how heavy it was. I thought she was just complaining. As she went through middle school into high school she was having some personality changes but we attributed it to normal teenage angst. She was seeing her pediatrician all along. He suggested counseling.</p>
<p>Off to college she went and suddenly things were NOT right. She called in tears and couldn’t stop crying. When we brought her home she seemed better but was having periods of intense anxiety. These developed into full blown panic attacks. At the same time she had been steadily and quickly gaining weight without much change in the amount she was eating. She suddenly had bad acne and hair growth on face and arms. She also stopped having her periods.</p>
<p>Finally a visit to the gynecologist who sent her to an endocrinologist. She was diagnosed with severe PCOS. </p>
<p>All the counseling in the world was not going to help this very real medical problem.</p>
<p>Just make sure you truly rule out physical problems.</p>
<p>Sax, I know what you’re trying to say…but, OP, remember, that depression, true depression, is a physical problem. Treated with meds, like you’d treat any other illness.</p>
<p>Sax–I looked up PCOS and thought it didn’t sound like my kid because although she does have acne it’s not severe, she doesn’t have weight problems, etc. She has always had a lot of dark hair, though not on her face. But you are saying that those symptoms of weight didn’t arise in your D until college age, so she had PCOS without the outward symptoms for all those years? My daughter’s anxiety is ruining her life right now.</p>
<p>Lanugo (fine dark hair on the body) can be a symptom of PCOS. Not everyone with PCOS is fat. Acne and thinning hair on the head can also be symptoms. At any rate, the heavy periods, esp. in a young teen, are a sign that something may not be right in the hormone department. PCOS, like thyroid problems, is diagnosed through blood tests. I think it’s well worth getting both of these possibilities checked out.</p>
<p>As the wife of a hypothyroid patient I can’t stress enough how important it is to follow the lead of people who have experience with these disorders. The doc’s are behind the patients often on these illnesses. Listen to Sax. Find a doc who knows the subtleties of this stuff - it’s not simple. My husband was “depressed” for two years. His dry skin was attributed to winter heat. His brain fog was attributed to the depression. His weight gain was attributed to age. His carpal tunnel syndrome led to surgery. He was on the path to knee surgery. His constipation was his fault - he must be eating a bad diet. His extreme reclusive personality was just who he was turning out to be in middle age.</p>
<p>One little pill per day and I have my old friend back again. And my kids have their dad. The right diagnosis can be miraculous.</p>
<p>Long speak. I didn’t mean to derail your thread and chances are your d doesn’t have PCOS.</p>
<p>I just wanted to throw out the possibility so you and others are aware of how a medical issue can easily be missed if you don’t know these things exist in kids this young.</p>
<p>I am glad others bumped up your thread. I was feeling like I derailed it and that you could get much more advice for you daughter. </p>
<p>I know the pain of feeling like your kids health is out of your hands and you can’t seem to help.</p>