I’d go very understated and low key. Dark slacks in a wool gabardine - something that drapes nicely - along with a cardigan or jacket and blouse/cami underneath. Medium chunky heel - either boots or pumps. I’d guess that the majority of women will wear pants this time of year, especially. You could also wear a daytime dress - something business-y looking in a darker color with boots or pumps/tights.
Most if the time, I wear dressy slacks and a nice top, sometimes with a quality piece of jewelry and nice, dressy jacket or sweater. It seems to work for most occasions and then I don’t have to worry about the temp of the event and whether it’s indoors only or in and outdoors.
I’d probably wear my zoning board uniform - black or gray twin set top and nice black slacks. I also have a very plain navy blue dress that would work - but then I’d have to worry about stockings (except I’m supposed to pretend they are tights) and shoes.
So…is wearing colored hose still okay? I bought a blue and green dress with blue shoes to go to a wedding…I would definitely want to wear hose. I think a sheer navy would be smashing but am not sure if it’s “out” or so far out that a group of middle aged women would look askance.
I’d wear it. 
Even my 26 yr old kid would wear that kind of hose!
I broke down and wore my hose this week, There are 2 skirts and 2 shoes that only work with no color. I went to Nordstrom and didn’t have my size in nude fishnets and I wasn’t going to spend $22 on Donna Karan Nudes, which still looked like sheer hose. I did feel more matronly.
I did enjoy showing my legs and how the hose hides my now wrinkly knees! I been wearing black tights with all my skirts this winter.
Update: won’t need the blue hose…apparently the wedding is literally on the sand…flip flops recommended.
Wow, not the wedding venue I envisioned when you mentioned hose. Sand sounds awesome. Hope it is soft and warm.
I asked both of my 20 something Ds about hose. Both said they would never wear them. D1 is business casual at all time so I figured she would say that. D2 is the family fashionista and is a CPA and she works in big companies in various big cities. While many wear tights in the winter she says she has never seen hose in the office or at social events unless worn by “older” women. Ha! Made me laugh out loud! She says most of her friends are using the tanning wipes on their legs during the winter. That was new info for me!
That’s what I thought. It just seems too cold for bare legs in the winter. Add in the wrinkled knees and it’s just not a good look for many of us.
Just to offer a different opinion. Kid is 26 in Seattle and will raid my hose drawer for a pair of Wolford any time she needs to attend a formal function. She wears patterned tights, lightweight colored hose, etc. all the time.
Anyone want to help me find a 2nd wedding dress? We’re planning on a June wedding, outside, and DD said I should wear something “floaty”. Which I think means not structured, lightweight. I’ve seen some beautiful dresses online but I feel like you have to be 8 feet tall to wear them (I’m 5’4"). Appreciate any ideas!
As was written, it depends. Our D is 27 and has never ever worn tights or hose, but she lives in Los Angeles and visits us in HI. When it’s cold (especially when we are traveling), we wear slacks and warm socks and don’t worry much about fashion.
@Classof2015 The Sundance catalog has a lot of floaty dresses, though they may be too casual for what you are looking for. http://www.sundancecatalog.com/category/womens+clothing/womens+dresses.do
I don’t think you need to be 8’ tall, though it does help to be thin. And actually my very overweight shorter than me (I’m 5’-6") sister-in-law looks great in nothing but floaty stuff. She wears jewel tones, arty stuff, a lot of patterns like batiks or paisleys layered with plain stuff. Lots of scarves and long necklaces.
Thanks, mathmom! I will check out sundance and try on some floaty dresses. Appreciate it!
@Classof2015 Is this also mother of the bride? You don’t mention a preference for length, color, price, or body type, all of which would narrow the search. But just going with “floaty”…
http://www.natayadresses.com/en/nataya-dresses/447-nataya-40250-vintage-inspired-party-dress.html
http://www.natayadresses.com/en/nataya-dresses/367-nataya-40225-romantic-party-dress.html
https://www.anthropologie.com/shop/peonia-dress?category=dresses-occasion-cocktail&color=001
https://www.anthropologie.com/shop/inesse-dress-003?category=dresses-occasion-cocktail&color=069
https://www.anthropologie.com/shop/alana-dress-007?category=dresses-occasion-cocktail&color=068
https://www.anthropologie.com/shop/camila-dress?category=dresses-occasion-cocktail&color=065
https://www.anthropologie.com/shop/eloizia-dress?category=dresses-occasion-cocktail&color=069
https://www.anthropologie.com/shop/epperley-dress?category=dresses-occasion-cocktail&color=041
http://www.sundancecatalog.com/product/thessaly+dress.do?sortby=ourPicks&refType=
http://www.sundancecatalog.com/product/peony+tea+dress.do?sortby=ourPicks&refType=
http://www.sundancecatalog.com/product/gilded+mist+dress.do?sortby=ourPicks&refType=
http://www.sundancecatalog.com/product/lasting+love+dress.do?sortby=ourPicks&page=2&refType=
http://www.bodenusa.com/en-us/womens-dresses/occasion-dresses/ww245-ivo/womens-ivory-helene-dress
I just bought this dress but have to return it as it doesn’t fit me, but I think it is very pretty:
http://www.sundancecatalog.com/product/joie+dress.do?sortby=ourPicks&refType=
I didn’t see @mathmom’s post before I submitting my post, but I guess great minds think alike with respect to suggesting checking out Sundance. I listed some floaty Sundance dresses in my post too. 
Eileen Fisher has petites collection that occasionally includes great floaty silk dresses. I will mine my links later for any suitable ideas. Any specific color, @Classof2015 ?
My very petite sister wore a beautiful Eliza J to her son’s outdoor wedding. Don’t know if that is floaty enough but here is similar http://shop.nordstrom.com/s/eliza-j-print-chiffon-maxi-dress-regular-petite/3643485?origin=category-personalizedsort&fashioncolor=PINK%20MULTI. She had to have it hemmed but it worked out fine.
Wow, soozievt!!! You are like my own personal shopper! I haven’t really formulated my own idea yet of what I should wear but I like the idea of something long (but casual) if that makes sense. Short is ok too but like knee length short.
Good question about color, BB! I’m thinking something pale like off white or pale multicolored pastel-ish things.
Singersmom07 – that is gorgeous! That shape and softness and drape is very much what I had in mind.
soozievt – I have just started to click through all your links – thank you! Once I’m done, I’ll tell you which ones look good.
This is so helpful everyone – really appreciate it!