<p>This year , I am thinking about dropping my two nephews kids from my list. I rarely see them, two of them don’t know who we are. Also , the mother ( or father for that matter ) never thank me or acknowledge any gift I have ever given them.
I suppose that this is sort of inevitable as my own family grows.
Any other CC parents thinking about pulling the plug on people you had on your lists ?</p>
<p>It’s so hard to navigate the gift season, isn’t it? I am down to exchanging with only a friend or two. One will continue buying forever, whether I buy for him or not. For some friends we give the gift of each other… We go out to a nice dinner. In my husbands family we trade gifts with another sibling’s family for Christmas, but have more or less stopped giving bday presents, even for the kids, except for milestone birthdays. are the kids “aging out” of gift giving age, by any chance? Can you suggest you only do gifts for locals, so people who celebrate together are the only gifts you need to worry about? Just ideas… Good luck</p>
<p>This is so tricky. Gifts seem to mean different things to different people. But if there’s no actual relationship, I say you can send cards or a tin of cookies. If you still want to say happy holidays. </p>
<p>Sending a card to the family lets them know you haven’t forgotten them, and is enough in my opinion. </p>
<p>We cut way back on gift exchanging about 10 years ago. Dh’s large family used to draw names for gift exchanges among the two dozen plus grandkids and great grandkids who were <18, but there was one sibling who never sent gifts on behalf of his kids. Then another sibling wasn’t happy when her kid aged out and finally, after my MIL died, no one continued. </p>
<p>Dh has two nephews whose wives (it seems to always be the wives who take on these tasks) send us photo cards and news of their families. Each year, as soon as we receive the photos, I send a family gift and a thank you for the pictures, partly as positive reinforcement. We always receive a handwritten thank you note in return. Not sure how long this will continue as the oldest is already in high school. </p>
<p>When my sisters nephews “aged out” I just started sending the family a food related gift to enjoy during the time they might be together during the holidays. Wolfermans, Cheryl’s cookies, some local food baskets, etc.</p>
<p>When “kids” got older, would get them small gift and cash. Seemed easier. Used to exchange with large group of friends but after 9/11, they wanted to simplify and stop. We all agreed. Some of them will bake or make family gifts for all like small loaf of banana bread, lilikoi butter, etc. </p>
<p>Am still struggling to gift to niece that I rarely see and rarely have any acknowledgements from. She lives 2500 miles away. Also buy for godDs and my kids’ godparents, plus my nieces, nephews and great nephew under 16 or so. Don’t know them too well, so don’t know their tastes. </p>
<p>I don’t give gifts to any friends or neighbors. We are assigned a person among dh’s siblings and their spouses. It rotates every year. The grand children do the same among their peers. Works out well. Years ago, we did everyone and it was mindboggling to do that amount of shopping.</p>
<p>The worst thing is you spend time and money buying and then they have to spend time returning, exchanging or discarding or having it take up space if it isn’t to their taste. </p>
<p>My SisIL stopped buying gifts for her kiddos and only likes gifting and receiving cash. It makes some of them sad, but you have to choose your battles. She hated the shopping and returning. </p>
<p>As kids (and adults) get older and we don’t know their tastes, it’d harder and harder to find the right gifts. </p>
<p>I come from a family that is not big on gift giving. H’s family gives to everybody. I went along with that for awhile, but at some point I realized that I was overstressed about all of the gift shopping and it was taking the joy out of it for me. I stopped giving to H’s aunt, cousin and cousin’s kids. They are on a limited budget and seemed relieved that they no longer had to buy for us. I then cut H’s siblings & spouses from the list. I told them up front and they were not terribly happy, but they got over it. I told them I did not care what they chose to do, but we were bowing out. I should mention here that they all live within a few miles of each other and we are 700 miles away so 1. We were not even around for the massive family gift exchange and 2. The shipping of gifts was another burden. We also stopped giving to nieces/nephews (both his and mine) at age 22. Several of them are now married with children so I am glad we nipped that in the bud.
We now buy only for our parents and my 2 teen nieces. That’s it. Our holidays are considerably less stressful and much more enjoyable. </p>
<p>I have cut everyone off except my mother and the dentkids. Got out of control with siblings, nieces and nephews. First I did Christmas and then when we all were around 45, I cut off the birthdays. We do niece/nephew up to age 12 and then stop. One SIL was unhappy, but we can each easily afford to buy what we want and her taste is totally different than my kids, DH, and me. Made life simple to stop.</p>
<p>Now we focus on spending time together over the holidays.</p>
<p>We also spend time together instead of gifts; Dad rents a beach house for 2 weeks, my 3 sibs and I are there the whole time with Dad - all grands and inlaws as schedules allow. We also spend at least a short time together in December. Gifts for the elders (books, reserved parking space) and youngsters (gift cards, clothes for under teens) at Christmas.</p>
<p>I think for me , the issue is that I put an effort in to shop for, wrap and ship the gifts and they do not acknowledge the gifts at all. I realize that the tradition of sending thank you notes seems to be falling by the wayside, but an email, text or shout out on my fb would suffice.
Last year I also made scented jar candles for my extended family. It was time consuming , a little messy ( although fun ) I don’t feel like making an effort for those who don’t appreciate it.</p>
<p>Our gift list is immediate family mostly. I do send gifts to my sisters who are very appreciative, and thankful. And I get things for two sisters in law…but usually they get them in the spring…not at Christmastime.</p>
<p>We dropped gift giving for my siblings probably 15 years ago when we were very low on money and I didn’t know if I could afford Christmas for my own kids. I still occasionally hear about how it isn’t Christmas anymore since we don’t exchange gifts and how it is sorely missed. I just think inwardly how sad it is that expecting a person to spend money they don’t have defines the holiday.</p>
<p>Nieces and nephews were dropped when they finished high school. Now I send one box of mostly edibles to each of my sisters. Sometimes it contains some small things that can be used as stocking stuffers, sometimes it is just food that they can’t find where they live. </p>
<p>The OP sounds like my MIL, but she has this issue with her other grandkids (not my kids). Of the six I know of, three don’t even say hello to her when she visits, one won’t call her Grandma just calls her by her first name. She used to mail cards with cash but was pretty sure the rude grandkids were stealing it because the younger ones never got it.</p>
<p>I’d say if you never visit them and they never visit you, why buy them anything? Unless you are a total holiday gift giving nut.</p>
<p>We don’t give gifts or anything. Makes life easy. Don’t get from anyone either. About the only thing we do do is buy gifts for the kids’ birthdays. And bring wine or other housewarming type things when someone hosts a large family dinner.</p>
<p>As a compromise, I send mostly food boxes with HI edible treats to BIL and friends and leave it at that. Too hard to obsess about much else. Sometimes send other edibles to more who are far away, if the spirit and budget move me. </p>