D's declining interest in athletics

Parent Cafe
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<p>S2 played all the “little league” sports but by mid. sch. dropped all of them for football. He was good at it so H and I were surprised when he announced at the end of his 8th gr. season (age 14), that he didn’t know if he would play in h.s. S attended a charter mid. sch. so had played Pop Warner in mid. sch. rather than the local mid. sch. team. Maybe he thought he wouldn’t stack up against the comp. IDK. By the following summer, I had talked him into going to a summer camp at the h.s. for rising freshmen. He did well and was so encouraged by the coaches that he came home with new enthusiasm and decided to play after all. It was the best thing he could have done. He met many new friends that year in football and it eased his transition into a giant pub. hs. from his small charter sch. He ended up playing all 4 years. </p>

<p>So maybe your D just needs a little break. Mine went 9 months thinking he was going to give it up. When the next season rolls around, encourage her to give it another try. If she is still adamantly opposed, look for other avenues that she would enjoy to keep her active and involved. For instance, all the student “trainers” for S’s football team were girls. They were not “slender cute” but were very active and worked hard helping the head trainer do things for the team. They were at every prac./game running around helping out. The team really appreciated them. I heard two of them now planned to major in athletic training in college. One of S’s friends volunteered to be the student manager of the varsity baseball team and had a great time. </p>

<p>Both my S’s played sports (one a star, one not) in h.s but I will say that if their heart is not in it, there won’t be any real benefit. They will resent it every single day. It is far too much work and committment unless you really want to be there.</p>

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<p>Hallomar, if she is only 13 and 5’10" and athletic, then the h.s. coaches will be after her. Maybe the basketball girls are not the nicest bunch, so perhaps volleyball would be better. Could you call the coach and find out if there are summer captain’s practices or some type of clinic where she could learn the game? Many of the previous posters have spoken about a change of pace being a tonic. And teens can really benefit from the endorphin release that sports bring. </p>

<p>If she were not a good athlete, I’s say that fitness activities would be enough. But I suspect that she will really miss playing a sport. If she doesn’t get in as a freshman, it can be very hard to gain a team spot at some schools.</p>

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<p>Mythmom - My daughters are like yours. Not athletic but slim by just naturally eating well. My older one tried hard to be good at a sport through middle school and the first couple of years of high school. Finally, she realized she was putting out all that effort because she thought she was suppose to do a sport. Once we talked through the issue and she realized that she really didn’t have to keep putting in all those hours into practice and meets, it was hugely liberating for her. She was able to venture into other activities that she enjoyed much more.</p>

<p>Regarding sports and weight – it’s true that some sports like x-country make kids very lean but I have noticed over the years that many other sports actually seem to make kids (especially girls) heavier. Maybe it’s just our neck of the woods but I see this all the time. I also notice that the parents of many very athletic kids can often have weight problems themselves. I wonder if the huge time commitment of sports leads to a lot of fast food dinners and eating on the run. </p>

<p>I hope the OP works through her concerns about her daughter. The good thing is that her daughter is trying to figure out what she wants to do regardless of peer and parent pressure. That’s admirable and very important.</p>

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<p>I think going to the gym a few days a week is a great start to changing her mindset from organized sports to a self motivated athletic program (which will serve her well as an adult). She is accustomed to being on a team and not having to think about her workouts. At 13 it is the rare child that is motivated enough to train without having a specific competitive goal in mind. Does she have a friend (besides Mom) that would go to the gym with her? That might make it more fun. </p>

<p>My daughter was older when she made the transition from team member to individual athlete but found that a mix of power yoga, spinning and running fit the bill. I am a game player (tennis, paddle) rather than an endurance athlete and have never found enjoyment in anything that involved coughing up a lung :slight_smile: but spinning has become a mainstay of my D’s athletic life. After all of those laps in the pool a past swimmer might find satisfaction in it as well…especially if she has a training buddy. With moderate exercise and a reasonably healthy diet her body will be the best body it can be. </p>

<p>(Having had a cross country runner in the house I can tell you that those cute/slender little female runners are often in calorie deficit.)</p>

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<p>It is unfortunate, but adolescence is a high-risk time for decreased physical activity, especially in girls. If they eat the same way they did when they were more active, it can promote more weight gain than is healthy. Your daughter’s physician should be tracking her BMI over time – again, height and weight gain are normal and expected during adolescence, but the trajectory is also important. I agree with emphasizing healthy eating and physical activity for the whole family --rather than dietary restriction in the concerned teen. If her BMI is outside of the healthy range, your physician may have other suggestions, such as meeting with a registered dietitian to help her choose healthier foods while avoiding extreme weight loss measures. There are simple things the whole family can do, such as cutting out sweetend drinks, limiting screen time, snacking on fruits/veggies (having them out and prepared sitting on the counter seems to help). Re: physical activity, if your daughter isn’t interested in organized sports, helping her fit more activity into her life in a way that she enjoys is a great idea. Going to the gym with her, as you’ve been doing sounds wonderful for both of you. Maybe she would enjoy a few sessions with a personal trainer who could help her to develop her own fitness plan. Also, if you have a video game system (I wouldn’t advocate buying one just for this!) active games such as DDR, Wii sports, or Wii fit (if you can find it!) are fun for lots of teens and burn off lots more calories than their typical sedentary behaviors.</p>

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<p>High school is also a completely different story- friends change, people grow. I assume there are many more sports offered through the high school than through the town, such as field hockey, volleyball, lacrosse? These sports don’t have people that have been playing for years such as soccer or softball, so she doesn’t have to be all that great. And just being on a high school team makes you friends, or ‘friendlier’ with your teammates. </p>

<p>Iff she is just burnt out, let it be. She will be able to find a plethora of activities to be involved in once she reaches high school</p>

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<p>I think the ideas for transitioning from team athlete to individual athlete are great. But I think that’s premature. It seems that the girl is avoiding the team for social reasons, not because she doesn’t enjoy the sports. It could also be tied to body image. Running around in a bathing suit, with all eyes on you, while expecting to focus on the race & not be impacted by the changes of puberty – it’s not easy. I would try to facilitate a team sport for freshman year & then see how she enjoys it.</p>

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<p>My D was in school sports but also rec league sports- which is a totally different system.
Only one rec league sport at a time, but she has been with this group of girls and their coach since she was 9 or 10 & now even though she had graduated from high school, since the team is U-19, she is very excited to still be playing.
But- it took her years in soccer for instance, before she attempted a goal in a game- we are an active family- but our skilz are not going to get anyone into college.
So that is my perspective.
I also agree with these thoughts.
Body changes at that time- hard for kids.
Burnt out on those sports.
Depressed? could be made worse with loss of exercise- Im also thinking that it is a red flag for an athlete who has enjoyed sports, but is dropping everything & not interested in other sports.
Being slender IMO, shouldn’t be a goal, being healthy should be.
If she was older I would suggest rugby, my younger rugby player, was actively trying to put on weight so that she could hold up to the other team slamming into her. ;)- but if she doesn’t like soccer, she isnt’ going to like rugby.
I would also insist that she do something, ride a bike as a family, get a dog to take for long walks ( a lab bred for hunting- will remain X-treme high energy for 5 or 6 years :wink: ) Take yoga together for relaxation. Yoga also has benefit of reinforcing where your body is in space, something that gets altered as kids grow.
Going to the gym is great- as it gives her an opportunity to see grown women with muscles
Also in high school, the basketball players are built differently than say the sprinters- she may find she fits right in.</p>

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<p>There are so many ways to make friends and be active besides team sports. Music, drama, dance, volunteering (which can be physical), charity walks, stage crew, clubs, outside actvities</p>

<p>The OPs daughter can make friends with lots of people so long as she gets involved, and it doesn’t have to be a HS team, which can be tough.</p>

<p>Some schools, the teams are little fiefdoms. My D has a friend she never sess during the sports season, so she in fact LOSES friends, rather than gains friends with her sport. She is so exhausted, this girl sleeps away the weekend- missing out on concerts, movies, beach walks, and all kinds of things.</p>

<p>Her sport is crew, and to be honest, its like a mini cult on our schools campus. They take their “bonding” to a whole new level of obsession. </p>

<p>However, my Ds has other friends, the ones who play different sports, who actually don’t much hang out with their teams- they find it too confining and cliquey. Not all schools and not all sports are welcoming and nuturing and fun- some are tough, closed off, stuck up, with coaches who have favorites, with kids who get away with murder but don’t get punished because they are stars, etc.</p>

<p>Both my Ds found that someone who was a good friend, after they joined a team, was lost to the sport, who just became team obsessed. But when the sport was over, those friends she thought she had on the team, poof, didn’t want much to do with her, the friendships were just sports related.</p>

<p>We need to trust our kids to judge for themselves if a high schools sports system is for them. </p>

<p>There is something to be said for the self motived kid who goes outside of the box, and relies on themselves to be active, as compared to others who are basically told where to go, when to be there, and what to do. </p>

<p>Some posters make it sound so easy to just join HS sports and how much fun it can be, but there is the flip side of it that also needs to be addressed.</p>

<p>My point is, not all teams are bad, but its not all swell in HS sports land either. it can be ugly.</p>

<p>Something else to consider, when looking at sports like BBall and volleyball, take a look at those players, even the freshman teams- those girls have been playing for years, they aren’t starting from scratch- many were on club teams, etc froma very young age. </p>

<p>Volleyball is like college vball now- walking in cold is just not done much anymore at some schools, and a summer, usually isn’t enough to catch up if you hven’t played the sport before.</p>

<p>As you can see, even the cross country teams are practicing over the summer months.</p>

<p>I am not saying its impossible, I am just saying be prepared for some harsh realities about high school sports. </p>

<p>Also, there is something coaches do that is a bit cruel- they often know in the first few tryouts who will make the team, and who they will cut- what they do, and several of my friend’s sons and daughters have gone through this- they will tell the kids they are doing great, they can’t wait to coach them etc. The kid shows up, trains hard, etc. then the last day they are cut. What the kids noticed was this- the coaches would, after about day 2, break up the kids trying out into two or three “practice” or “tryout teams”, and after two weeks of tryouts, the team picked for the school, was gee, the exact same team he/she had created for “tryouts”- what they were doing was this- pretty much picking out the team after a couple of days of a ten day tryout period- then keeping the other kids as “workout” teams to help train the team they had really already picked- those other kids never really had a chance at all, they were there to make it look good, like there really was a chance in heck they could make the team.</p>

<p>Meanwhile, they were missing out on chances for other teams. I know of one coach who would go to 8th grade games and watch girls play who they knew were going to their HS, and had “preselected” them for the team.</p>

<p>Yes, I am not thrilled with HS sports, it isn’t all fun and games anymore, its a business, so go into them with your eyes open.</p>