<p>My DD is almost 14, and used to love to play basketball and swim. Last year, half way through basketball season, she decided she didn’t like it anymore, and this summer she refused to swim or do basketball camp. Although she has athletic ability, she doesn’t like any other sports, and with this inactivity she’s putting on weight. She was never slender to begin with, so the extra weight is a worry. I keep telling myself to accept her as a “non-athlete” - she does like other things, such as singing and violin and Girl Scouts - but when I drive past the cute slender high school girls practicing their crosscountry running, it’s hard not to feel down about DD.</p>
<p>old - Welcome to my world. My D was exactly the same. Fortunately she replaced athletics with academics, so at least we avoided a disaster. My sole suggestion is to have her find some time-consuming activity that replaces sports. A job perhaps?</p>
<p>It’s more important that she is happy, give her time she might want to go back, but forcing the situation might cause her to resent you. Also don’t be negative about the weight issue, it will just cause a self esteem issue. Good Luck</p>
<p>If weight is an issue, she can still be fit and healthy by becoming more conscious of good nutrition and biking, jogging, walking with friends or family.</p>
<p>Could it be that she lost interest in sports because of the cute slender girls you refer to? Girls can be pretty mean in subtle ways…</p>
<p>Growing up, I played every sport possible. My best sport was baseball, in which I am now being recruited by most of the schools I am looking to apply at.</p>
<p>By the time I reached age 14, I was burnt out. I wanted nothing to do with baseball, the main reason being that I had played almost 200 games a year for the past 4 years. A year later, I picked my glove and bat back up and started playing the game again, but with a new appreciation. I also have a cousin who found herself in the same exact situation. Eventually, she went back to playing, got a full ride at a D1 program, and ended up playing in 2 Final Fours.</p>
<p>Maybe your daughter is simply burnt out, something all too common in youth sports today. The best advice I have for you is to give her space and time. If basketball is something that she truly wants to do, she will not be able to go without it for long.</p>
<p>Chocoholic - re: your comment about the “mean” slender girls - DD felt isolated in her basketball team last winter because most of the girls played the fall sports, particularly soccer, and were friends as a result.
DD did not, and none of those girls were friendly toward her. I think that is part of the reason for the “escape from basketball.” Also, none of her friends are athletic, so they don’t inspire her in that direction, either.
Let’s see what happens next year. She has one more year to go 'till high school. Most of the girls from our h.s. who got into good schools were athletes. The only one who was not an athlete was captain of her robotics team and no. 1 in her class - she went to MIT. Unfortunately, DD doesn’t do science, either.</p>
<p>I’ve been very successful in both academic and athletic competitions and I believe that competition in athletics teaches many lessons that academics cannot. There is something to be learned from sweat dripping down your face as you are running your third mile in 105 degree heat.</p>
<p>Neither of my kids were great athletes. BUT we had a house rule…they had to participate in ONE sport at their school each year (not all year…just one sport for the whole year). DS chose tennis for two years, and ski club for two years, and DD chose swimming (she was never a starter and actually was a timer most of the time but she swam at all the daily practices). One sport per year…their choice. Our kids did excessive ECs in music so they were very busy. I never worried that they didn’t go from sport to sport in school. And for the record, my daughter was a slender, fit kid…who was an awful athlete.</p>
<p>oldtimeyfan- Please let your daughter’s interests guide her activities, and don’t mention her weight. You can be she is very aware of it. At 14, she still has a lot of growing to do. Enroll her in singing lessons, violin and encourage the Girl Scouts. Not everyone has to be an athlete. The fact that it makes you’re so sad that she dropped her sports may actually affect her self-esteem, and add to the weight issues. </p>
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Why is that unfortunate? You’re worries about college are backwards. Rather than lamenting that your daughter isn’t doing the activities that colleges want (which is a moving target, at best), let your daughter develop her interests and then find a college that matches the interesting young woman she will become.</p>
<p>I am in agreement w/ Thumper1. I have both a non athlete & an athlete. </p>
<p>I just encouraged/ required the non- athlete do choose something, anything for 2 reasons 1) fitness (not that a season ensures fitness but I feigured use it or lose it) 2)People will ask you the rest of your life— did you play a sport in HS? In the competetive business world it’s simply easier to have an answer “yes, it was …” But I never make deal about winning/losing/ability. BTW – the non athlete did find their true passion (music) while continues to be a part of a team.</p>
<p>Funny thing, my athlete played 3 seasons as a freshman and a physchologist recommended that maybe that was too much competition. The child should develop interests in other hobbies and school clubs b/c ultimately those are the spring boards for the later interests in adult life. </p>
<p>Regarding weight- I worried that my kids would struggle w/ their weight as I have so from the time they were little I would use distraction & conversation as a tactic from eating mindlessly. So next time your daughter seems to be grazing see if you can distract her from the snack w/ a task you can do together & lavish her w/ praise about all her good qualities. (while never mentioning weight or junk food). That food won’t be nearly as tasty as your love and undivided attention… Give it a good 3 months and she’ll break her snack/junk habit</p>
<p>oops- sorry for the spelling errors…</p>
<p>Have you considered doing something WITH your daughter that you’d both enjoy as a means of both demonstrating the value of fitness and also doing something to support your daughter?</p>
<p>My guess, based on the age, is that something is going on in the locker room at her school that makes her uncomfortable to be there. It might be worth asking.</p>
<p>OK. I think you need to thread very carefully around the weight issue, but I don’t think you need to avoid the topic. Aactually I don’t think you should avoid the topic. As we all know, obesity is a big problem in America (no pun intended). If she puts on a lot of weight when she’s young, it’s going to be much harder to lose it as an adult. She should get into a healthy lifestyle now while she’s still young and growing. My best suggestion is to become more active and eat healthier as an entire family (or at least between mother and daughter). Maybe you and your daughter can work on buying healthier foods and can cook together. Would you like to teach her to cook? Or can you take a healthy cooking class together? Would you or your husband be interested in playing sports with your daughter or going to the gym together? (Please excuse my gender/marriage assumptions and alter my advice as necessary.)</p>
<p>Being one of those “cute slender girls” shouldn’t be the goal (and if you value your relationship never use that phrase or a similar one to her). Concentrate on health and well-being. I know some very healthy, very active girls who wear size 12 or 14; health and happiness matter much more than size. I also know many beautiful heavier girls and many not-as-beautiful skinny girls. In my opinion weight doesn’t have as much bearing on attractiveness as overall health and that inner glow.</p>
<p>It’s also very normal for girls to gain weight at that age. Girls develop women’s bodies and stop growing around this time. Remember that some weight is normal. If it’s more than is healthy, though, I think it’s your responsibility as a parent to protect her health, even if her self-esteem takes a hit. </p>
<p>As a couple others have said, in my house everyone played a sport a year. When I was iffy about playing a certain year, I know I didn’t have much of an option. I didn’t play a sport senior year after an injury junior year had kept me out for the season. </p>
<p>I agree with Cronie’s comments about your attitude toward college admissions. It’s very backwards.</p>
<p>There must have more than just ONE girl in an entire school who got into a good school without athletes. That just seems so odd and unbelievable. I bet you jsut didn’t HEAR about the non-ahtlete students, they tend to not be talked about as much as the jock who gor “recruited”.</p>
<p>I think you can learn as many life lessons not playing a HS sport as you can playing on. </p>
<p>Why not suggest dance classes at the dance studio. Your daughter is old enough to be int he “adult” category, and she will be learning tap, or jazz with women who don’t care is she isn’t the cute chear leader type.</p>
<p>My d and her friend did that and had a blast. Have her check out theater, acting, behind the scenes stuff, tennis lessons, hiking, rowing, rock climbing, and all the myriad other physical things that would keep her moving. When my youngest D made it to the top of the difficult section of the climb wall, she felt so cool.</p>
<p>As well, when you “feel down” about your D, who wasn’t born with the cute chearleader body, don’t. Love her for her and realize that very likely there is a whole lot going on her besides the sport itself.</p>
<p>Grab some cheap rackets, go to the local court and have fun. See if anyone needs their dogs walked- she can do that and make some $$.</p>
<p>She will succeed in HS and get into college, regardless of whether she plays a sport. Sports are not the be all end of life. </p>
<p>And I have never asked nor heard any conversation about what someone who is 35 did with HS sports. Nobody cares. </p>
<p>My suggestion in that regard, then would be golf or tennis. </p>
<p>The team events my d’s were in were drama, yearbook, youth groups, and a plethora of other activities- they learned about leadership, responsiblity, teamwork. And many times, they had to rely on themselves getting the work done, organzing things not a coach telling them what to do. </p>
<p>And be warned, if you talk about the cute little cross country girls with the chearleader bodies, that talk can lead to eating disorders, too much or too little.</p>
<p>I read somewhere that most kids burn out of a sport after 4-6 years. With both of my D’s, the sports they spent the most time with in middle school and prior, turned out NOT to be the sports they ultimately played and excelled in during high school. Why not suggest she try something else, like volleyball or tennis? Usually, if a child is good at one sport, they will likely be good at others.</p>
<p>While others might disagree, I’d suggest that you insist that she choose some regular athletic activity.</p>
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<p>Absolutely. And health, not weight should always be the goal. So many young women have eating disorders. I would be very careful about any comments I made about her weight, as such.</p>
<p>And I agree about regular activity. My son never played high school team sports, but was an avid hiker and rock-climber, which he picked up from scouting and from his dad… It doesn’t need to be a “competitive” sport to be good for you.</p>
<p>At my Ds school, its not so easy to play a sport a year, the competition is cut throat, even with cross country and track. Every sport is a tryout sport, every sport has practices 6 days a week, and very often its the same kids that move from fall to winter to spring teams. So for some kids, just signing up and doing a sport a year isn’t so easy, it can be impossible. Most sports are decided before freshman year, and then to get into a sport after is a near impossibillty. And that freshman year cuts, egad, they take about a 5th of the kids that tryout, it that.</p>
<p>Did you try buying an exercise bike to use at home while watching TV?</p>
<p>My DD hates all sports and pretty much all physical activity. She is very slender because she has a healthy relationship to food. Don’t know how she got it! I don’t.</p>
<p>She became even slimmer in college. She chose to go to school in NYC and walks all the time.</p>
<p>Oddly enough, the urban lifestyle does promote that kind of fitness. No cars. Everyone walks. She lost a freshman ten, and now as a senior in college she can wear her discarded clothes from ninth grade.</p>
<p>There are many ways to skin a cat – really.</p>
<p>Self-esteem is the key.</p>
<p>BTW: I would have loved for either of my kids to do sports but each refused.</p>
<p>Thank you for all the good suggestions. I do make a point of not mentioning her weight, but she brings it up from time and time, and I tell her that she needs to become more active and that eating less is counterproductive. That’s always her first assumption, and I try very hard to counter that.
One reason I’m wistful about school sports is that not only is it fun and a good source of friends (I played sports in high school), but it’s a convenient way of becoming more active. She would do it after school every day at the school, and then come home and do her homework. I work full time, and there are activities she can’t do, like competitive swimming, that she can’t do because I can’t get here there. On the food issue, my husband’s mother lives with us and she makes dinner for the kids. AND she is very good about giving them healthy food. Unfortunately, she’s the one who brings up the weight issue.<br>
Right now (summer) I take her to the gym with me after dinner several times a week. She also shoots baskets in the driveway from time to time. I thimk she has stopped growing - she’s 5’ 10" and “fully developed.”</p>