<p>Yes, I was dumped by email while I was on a post-graduation trip – and then he didn’t respond to emails and missed appointments to talk with me. I thought this guy was really wonderful: mature, kind, empathetic, loving…</p>
<p>but I guess not.</p>
<p>I have a theory that I tend to display some of my fears and insecurities too quickly in the relationship, so the guy doesn’t think that I’m a prize and doesn’t feel he has to treat me that well.</p>
<p>So I guess what I need to do is to come up with ways to display more dignity and a sense of self-worth in relationships. I think I come across as more fragile and broken than I actually am.</p>
<p>Any tips on how to maintain my dignity and not come across as someone who needs rescuing?</p>
<p>Go to therapy for your fears and insecurities, as well as for whatever it is that your dad/stepdad undoubtedly did to you as a kid to mess you up relationshipwise (Thinking you have to be a prize, considering yourself broken, coming across as someone who needs rescuing).</p>
<p>Guys do this because they are jerks. (There is a more colorful and appropriate term.)</p>
<p>Jerks don’t treat anyone well, regardless of whether they think the other person is a “prize.”</p>
<p>Many apparently mature and empathetic people are jerks in disguise. The only thing you can do about this is get them out of your life when they reveal their true nature. There’s nothing you can do to make a jerk treat you better. He has to be gotten rid of. Then you get to know other apparently mature and empathetic people, until you find one who’s good to the core. That’s dating. As you are discovering, it sucks.</p>
<p>It’s natural to feel some low self-esteem and question yourself right after you are dumped by a jerk. Maybe a therapist would help, but maybe you just need some girlfriends to bring you ice cream and watch 80s movies with you. If you still feel down on yourself after a couple of weeks of friend therapy, then seek additional help.</p>
<p>It’s a stressful time for most college graduates who are suddenly leaving a structured world into one that is uncertain. Perhaps he finds a committed relationship more stressful than he can handle and it may not be about who you are.</p>
<p>Do not try to contact this guy - he is a chickenly coward if he dumped you by e-mail. Could not face you in person? Sheesh.</p>
<p>I know it is heartbreaking when a long-term relationship that seemed so perfect suddenly falls apart, but please do not waste your emotions trying to analyze what you could have done to keep him attached to you. Concentrate on your friends, family, work, volunteering. See a therapist.</p>
<p>Rent “He’s Just not that Into you” and watch with full bottle of wine and/or ice cream. There mayb be no reasons and many reasons, none of which you can do much about.</p>
<p>I did just watch He’s Just Not That Into You… but it was kind of counterproductive, as the main male character treats the female badly and then treats her better later. I kept on thinking that this might happen with him and me. <em>sigh</em></p>
<p>It might–someday. ( I remet and married my HS sweetheart 30+ years later) Just move on and don’t dwell on that possibility. As the movie said, if he really wants you he will eventually move heaven and earth to find you. If not–you’d just be wasting your time. Females do the same things too BTW.</p>
<p>For the future though: if someone dumps you via email do NOT contact him. It’s hard to avoid the impulse to do so, but do so. There is NOTHING to be gained by trying to see someone live and in person to ask him the reasons why he dumped you when he CHOSE to dump you via email. If it makes you feel any better, I know someone who told his wife that he had filed for divorce via email WHILE THEY WERE STILL LIVING IN THE SAME APARTMENT!!! </p>
<p>I know I’ll get criticized for this, but read “The Rules.” It’s very old-fashioned, but unfortunately, I think that it works for about 85% of the guys in the world. And if your current method for dealing with guys isn’t working, it offers an alternative.</p>
<p>Try not to display any fears or insecurities at least not until much later in the relationship, if then. In my opinion, since men are not by nature nurturers, seeking that type of reaction from them is going to lead to a disappointing outcome.</p>
<p>Being dumped is never nice no matter how it is done. Try to remember that if he hadn’t dumped you, you would not be available for the right guy when he comes around. Time heals all; it’s just hard at the beginning and natural that you would want to find out why but it will lead no-where and just torment you more if you contact him. Keep your dignity by not contacting him.</p>
<p>Exactly my thought! Although there is a want for “closure,” it’s doubtful that you would ever get it. So, mourn for a little time and then move on. The same sort of thing sometimes occurs when a kid is rejected by a college he or she really wanted to attend. Why didn’t XYZ University accept me? Who knows? They didn’t, period.</p>
<p>I will say that sometimes those of the younger generation are so electronically connected that it never occurs to them that some social interactions really need to be conducted face to face–since so much of their lives occur by text or online.</p>
<p>When I learned that my youngest broke off a budding relationship by text message (she just wasn’t that into him), I was mortified! She had no clue that it wasn’t the polite thing to do.</p>