I just took the practice test from the collegeboard website, and they gave my essay a 6/6. The essay is graded by some sort of computer program called e-rater, and I’m not exactly sure how accurate this could be.
Prompt: Should people make more of an effort to keep some things private?
I’m assuming this essay is probably in the 3-5 range. Feedback?
Founding father Benjamin Franklin is famous for saying, “Those who trade privacy for security will receive, nor deserve, either one.” This quote emphasizes just how important privacy is compared to other rights. Privacy is an extremely important universal right that should be taken more seriously. People should take greater efforts to keep certain things private, especially in today’s world.
With the onset of the internet, the world has been substantially more connected than ever before. Sharing large quantities of information is now possible with just the press of a button. However, with this convenience comes a cost. It is nearly impossible to keep things hidden from the rest of the world once put on the internet for everyone to see. Just recently, my cousin was applying for a marketing job at Sony. He was flown out to Seattle to give an interview, but when he came back he was absolutely devastated. In high school, he had posted a rather inappropriate photo of him drinking beer at a party. Sony had looked up his name, and brought the photo up in an interview. Needless to say, my cousin didn’t get the job, even though he was extremely qualified. If my cousin had not posted that picture on the internet and had kept it private, he would have had a much higher chance of getting the job. However, he instead was too expressive of what he did, and his failure to keep his information private ultimately led to a negative outcome.
Privacy affects us in much greater ways too. The fourth amendment of our constitution grants us protection against unreasonable violations of our expectation of privacy. This clause was put in by the founding fathers because they understood that tyrannical governments violate their citizens’ privacy to achieve sinister ends. Nazi Germany was a classic example of what happens when people don’t make an effort to keep things private. Under Hitler, the government sent out officers to keep tabs on almost everything. Officers would routinely search houses and had a record of what every citizen was. Those who were Jewish were labelled as such, and were forced to wear a yellow star of david to identify themselves to the public. Eventually these Jews were sent to concentration camps to work in factories or even worse, die. These Jews felt like they could trust their government, and therefore made no effort to conceal their religion. However, this confession only led to their persecution. If they had taken a greater effort to keep their religion private, then they would have been able to avoid all of this unfair treatment.
Complete privacy may not be necessary in every situation. However, for one’s own benefit, certain things should be kept private. There are some potentially harmful things that we do or have done, and taking action to keep them secret from the rest of the world can ultimately benefit us in the long term