My daughter goes to a very selective well-respected public school in a major city, which sends almost 1/4 of its class to the ivy leagues.
She has a 95.5 average, and a 36 ACT. She started a (social) club, volunteered a bunch in a music related org, and was heavily involved (with leadership) in music related school orgs.
She also has a permanent serious health condition which makes her achievements even more impressive.
She applied and was admitted early decision to UPenn. But I have had second thoughts the entire time since she’s been admitted. She applied early bc it’s well known that your chances go up if you do. Plus she had a hook specifically for UPenn. But did we make a mistake? Was she likely to get into other ivies, so she could have a choice? How can I stop feeling this way? (She’s excited about UPenn btw, and has no second thoughts).
I worry that I sold her short and discouraged her when I tried to prepare her for rejections. I told her it’s very hard to get into any of these schools. Did we make a mistake?
This is the answer. Your second thoughts are immaterial. And your job is to support her and not to telepathically project your issues. She’s going to college now, not you.
What you are feeling is common and valid. However…. Now is the time to bottle those thoughts and get excited - both FOR her and WITH her. This is her journey and voicing your second thoughts to her can only do harm. The college selection process is done. Move on. And congratulations!
I told her it’s very hard to get into any of these schools.
You were right!
Was she likely to get into other ivies, so she could have a choice?
Was it likely for her to get into other ivies? Lol, no!
Would it have been possible for her to get into other ivies? No way for anyone to know, but the math suggests: highly unlikely.
But did we make a mistake?
In fact, she probably approached this just right. There’s no guarantee she would have even gotten in to Penn during RD (and, as you know, data suggests she wouldn’t!).
Congrats to the whole family, especially your daughter. Get ready for celebrating at graduation, help her have a great last-summer-before-college, and get stoked for move-in.
THIS is all that matters. Your daughter is excited about her college choice, and she is the one going to college. Please celebrate this wonderful acceptance with her…and if you haven’t already done so…get that hoodie for her, and a decal for your car!
My daughter did ED to UPenn last year and is a very happy freshman there now - she also has health issues and applied to a program uniquely suited to her at Penn that she could not have replicated at another Ivy. Happy to chat with you over message if you’d like. Just be happy for your daughter - she will love it!
My neigbor’s son ED’d to Penn maybe 10 or so years ago and he loved it so much that his sister did the same a few years later.
But as already said - your daughter isn’t having second thoughts, and she!s excited. That’s all you need to know. (Also: she is not one of the many superb stats students who will be crying on ivy day because they didn’t get in at any of them.)
Your D got into an absolutely wonderful college and is (appropriately) thrilled. Time to buy hoodies and celebrate her success.
I’m not a ranking person but FWIW Penn is a top ten college with an acceptance rate under 5%. She used a hook and ED to help bolster admission chances. Just how much “better” do you think your D could do?
Yeah, you can talk to your spouse/partner, talk to your best friend, talk to your therapist, or anyone else about your concerns. But if your D is happy, then zip it around her and just act excited. If she wanted to go to Penn and she got in, then that’s cause for celebration! There is no better scenario as far as she is concerned.
How do you stop feeling this way? Fake it till you make it. Research all the great things about the school and the opportunities she’ll have. Feed off her excitement and make it your own.
A common advantage of applying ED is better odds of getting an offer of admission; common consequence of receiving an ED acceptance offer is buyer’s remorse.
The good news is that Harvard, Yale, & Princeton hoodies are available to all. A couple of years ago, I met a mother wearing a half-and-half hoodie of Stanford / Harvard.