<p>I chose option #2 and my question was Why are Christians being persecuted as part of the war on Christmas?</p>
<p>It’s 1316 words - is this too long?</p>
<p>Let me know if you want to read it and I can email or PM you.</p>
<p>i’ll read it. PM it to me. you wanna read mine and see what you think?</p>
<p>you could Pm me, sure I’ll read it.</p>
<p>I was told 1000-1500 (if anyone wants to freak out about this, I belive that’s been done already and you can search the threads because it gets a little repetitive</p>
<p>ill read it. pm me</p>
<p>ill read it</p>
<p>I’ll read it too. PM me!</p>
<p>ill read it</p>
<p>ill read it as well</p>
<p>I’ll read it, if you’re open to criticism.</p>
<p>And if you’re not, good luck with U of C.</p>
<p>I’ll <a href=“mailto:read@…PM”>read@…PM</a> me</p>
<p>Sent revised copies out to you two. Thanks for looking.</p>
<p>You could stand to cut quite a bit from this essay. You should always be as terse as possible. Really look at each sentence, each word, and make sure that it’s necessary.</p>
<p>For example, in the very first sentences:</p>
<p>“I have always considered myself an inquiring skeptic mind. I have a hard time taking things at face value.”</p>
<p>The second sentence is totally unnecessary. That’s what a skeptic is–there’s no need to define it.</p>
<p>“Sometime this past holiday season, it seems a war was declared without my ever noticing it.”</p>
<p>In terms of unnecessary words, “sometime” can also be cut. It’s completely implied…of course it happened at “some” time.</p>
<p>"It seemed to me that the central question Bill OReilly was pushing is Why are Christians being persecuted by the War on Christmas?</p>
<p>You don’t need to say “it seemed to me” because it undermines the argumentative credibility of the paper.</p>
<p>Etc…this essay is EXTREMELY LONG. That in itself might not dissuade admissions, but the fact that a lot of the length is empty, they’ll be very bored and/or critical by the time they finish.</p>
<p>I’m going to do very little editing OTHER than cutting out words or sentences. I’ll send you a revised version via PM, and tell me if you think it reads better.</p>
<p>Another take on a sentence to illustrate my point:</p>
<p>“Sometime this past holiday season, it seems a war was declared without my ever noticing it.”</p>
<p>Watch what happens simply by cutting out words:</p>
<p>“This past holiday season, war was declared.”</p>
<p>See what you can do? You’ve now piqued the interest of the reader, and crafted a FAR more powerful sentence.</p>
<p>I got in with about 360 words… I’ll read it gladly.</p>
<p>I just checked… questions 1, 2, and my essay response combined totalled exactly 1000 words. Weird, huh?</p>
<p>Trim trim trim…kodama, it’s on the way.</p>
<p>Major Revision 4 done and done. Thanks to everyone who helped :)</p>