<p>BIL/SIL were just here for a week from across the country with their kiddos. They didn’t stay with us, but we saw them pretty much every day for dinner, etc. I noticed that nephew (16) was a wee bit (yeah, right) egotistical. He’s pretty smart and is in AP calc as a junior (DS is a senior in the same course). I didn’t say anything, but it was rather obvious. </p>
<p>Apparently, he mentioned to SIL1 that he didn’t think DS was all that smart (ouch!), an observation which she dutifully passed on to me. So unfortunate that brains and humility form such a rare combination…:(</p>
<p>Wow, that’s pretty obnoxious. I think it is a sign of insecurity on the nephew’s part that he feels the need to put down his cousin. A bit lacking in social skills too, which sadly is not that unusual in nerds of that age.</p>
<p>I think the bigger “crime” is that your SIL felt the need to pass that on to you, rather than using the incident as a learning point to try to teach your nephew something.</p>
<p>Sounds like one of my distant relatives. Dad’s a surgeon, Mom’s a former nurse who REALLY enjoys her status as a doctor’s wife. Kid received a new BMW on his 16th BD … totaled two weeks later. “It was the other guy’s fault!” Dad immediately replaced the wrecked car with an identical one. Expensive private HS, followed by expensive private college. Graduated three years ago. I think he’s selling insurance for Allstate now. Moral of the story … envy not.</p>
<p>Apple does not fall far from the tree? What kind of SIL would pass that kind of message forward to you? Someone who would raise that kind of teenager!</p>
<p>Sounds like my SIL. Luckily she never shows up at the family parties, but that’s because she thinks she’s better than the rest of us. </p>
<p>It’s taken 29 years of marriage, but I think my MIL is finally realizing what a jerk her daughter is. My MIL was in tears when she learned that my SIL wasn’t going to the family party again this year. She had hoped that this no-show performance was going to stop this year.</p>
<p>Not only is this extremely rude, but the fact he was a junior taking AP Calc(AB I presume) would not have been considered anything special at the urban public high school I attended. In fact, quite a few HS classmates were already done with AP calc(AB and BC) by the end of their sophomore or even freshman year. </p>
<p>If he was at my high school, what he did would be the equivalent of an arrogant pompous mediocre/average student bragging about how “smart” he was compared to an unassuming mediocre/average student minding his/her own business with the inevitable consequences: receiving the worst open mockery and derision my classmates…especially those at the top could dish out. </p>
<p>Not only that, if he doesn’t cut out this cocky attitude, he is very likely to end up having a harsh reality check in college when he receives his first -B, C, or even F in his courses…and realize that there’s plenty of people far “smarter” and more capable than he.</p>
<p>Just to clarify, SIL1 is not the mother of the nephew in question (that would be SIL2). I’m sure he conveyed his poor attitude to his mother as well but she would not be the type to say anything to me. I don’t see the arrogance coming from the parents, really. </p>
<p>SIL1 defended MY son at the time - she conveyed this to me because she is shocked at the attitude of both this nephew and his sisters and the way they treated HER as well.</p>
<p>^Ah sorry, misunderstood. Still it sucks. Teens can be jerks, and very hard on one another. Sometimes I think this kind of attitude reflects insecurity and fear in developing minds. Those feeling real confidence and pride about their achievements can’t care less about where others stand, whereas perceiving real or imagined weak spots in others gives the insecure a much needed ego boost. They can’t like themselves in absolute unconditional terms…they can only like themselves in comparison to ‘being better than’ others. Lets hope these kids outgrow it, for their sake.</p>
<p>I have long noticed that smart teens are among the most egotistical beings on earth. I think this may stem from a lack of knowledge of the world. A very smart kid may be, at the age of 16, quite literally the smartest person he, himself, has ever met, and possibly the smartest person most of his peers have ever met, and maybe even smarter than most of his teachers (they always like to tell you how stupid their teachers are, have you noticed that? There is always a story about a teacher who gave a bad grade because he/she “didn’t understand” the superior thinking of the student…)</p>
<p>Once said kid gets to a competitive college and discovers that being 99th percentile in a country with 3 million college-bound seniors means that there are 30 THOUSAND kids just as good…he or she usually attains some perspective and humility.</p>
I think this is true sometimes. I also encounter a lot of people who quantify “smart” only in terms of academic smarts, or math smarts, or what have you, rather than recognizing the multitude of talents that various people have. </p>
<p>SIL1, for example, would be a great personal shopper - she can buy clothes for people that are the right size and flattering too without the person even being there. I can try on 10 pairs of jeans and go home empty handed, lol. </p>
<p>I have lots of academic smarts, but very little artistic or musical talent, so I have great admiration for people who can create things. They are smart in ways that I am not. Everyone brings something to the table.</p>
<p>I agree with you–but I think that broad perspective on “smarts” and talent is acquired with experience and maturity. No matter how they try to emphasize this in schools these days, it’s obvious that academic “smarts” are the ones that count most in the classroom setting. Some people may never get past that to appreciate the gifts of other people, but most, thank heaven, grow up enough to be able to do it.</p>
<p>I don’t think it’s a common skill for academically-oriented teenagers. Particularly because many school environments pit academic kids against athletic kids in a way, where kids who have the brains but not the “cool” convince themselves constantly that only academic smarts matter.</p>
<p>It is a defense mechanism and a form of doubling-down on the barrage of peer-pressure and social messages most US high school students get from our society and mainstream US K-12 that sports and being socially popular is far more important than excelling academically.</p>
<p>Had a taste of this myself in middle-school and lost count of the horrific accounts I heard from college classmates and colleagues about how they were socially ostracised, cruelly put-down, and bullied by the “cool” high school athletes/socially popular types, those types’ parents, sometimes their own parents, and worse of all…even their high school teachers and administration who seemed to prioritize the pleasing of the HS athletes and socially popular kids over the academic achievers. </p>
<p>I felt quite fortunate to have dodged this bullet in high school by attending a public magnet high school where the coolest kids were those who won Westinghouse/Intel science competitions and/or on our math and debating teams and where being highly intelligent academically and even “nerdy/geeky” was not only encouraged, but EXPECTED. </p>
<p>Turning DeskPotato’s comment around, I’ve often wondered if the frequent putting down of the academic achiever kids by the athletic/socially popular kids and their supporters among parents, teachers, and the mainstream US public at large is also a defensive mechanism to avoid having to deal with the harsh realities that we as a society tend to overemphasize sports and social popularity and severely underemphasize academics and the associated skills which go with them. After all, not everyone can or, more importantly, should be a professional athlete, politician, lawyer, or an executive/executive trainee at a Fortune 500 with charm and the gift of gab.</p>