@Cardinal Fang
Where are the parents? Why do kids think that if they don’t get in to Harvard, they are a failure?
My cc: shame:
DD2 is currently a high school Senior. Okay, I am coming out of the cc: closet, she is only in (gasp) AB Calc. I know, I know, how does she live with the shame? What do we tell the relatives? On top of that it gets even more shameful. She only got a 31 on her ACT (32 superscore). If that were not humiliating enough, she was scandalously deferred in ED by Tufts, yes the one that is a deep back up for all of the cc: prodigies like it is a community college. The only two schools that have admitted her EA are (I know we are going to be shunned): Purdue, and Case Western Reserve. (Sarcasm). She has also applied to Lehigh, Wisconsin and Illinois.
To me it is a matter of perspective. She is not going to an Ivy. She didn’t even apply. She would not be happy there even if she got in. We think that is fine. To us, she has very good options and will probably have a few more in RD. She should be proud of what she has achieved. She is a good student, a good athlete, she has friends, she has a boyfriend, she likes to help other people, she volunteers as a special olympics coach, and she wants to major in chemical engineering. She may not be right for Harvard, but she is happy and well rounded.
My wife and I are very proud of her. Isn’t that how it should be? What is wrong with parents who teach their kid that if they can’t go to Harvard, they are a failure? I am 100% with @Pizzagirl on this. Each child is different, and if they make an effort and find a path that is right for them, then I am happy and will support them 100%. They can’t worry about competing with the kids around them. What the other kids are doing does not matter. If we had pushed harder, maybe she would have a little better grades, and a little higher ACT, and be going to Cornell, but we don’t think she would be happy.
I see the suicide issue as a failure of the parents and people around these students. What are students being taught about what defines success and failure? How do their parents define success and failure?
The Ivies have about 15,000 places in the freshman class for all 8 schools combined. Maybe there are another 15,000 at peer schools like Stanford, Northwestern, Duke et al. I think there are at least 3 million high school graduates annually, so by my math, the vast majority of those students will not get in. So why do adults set them up for failure?