ellebud, this is for you

Parent Cafe
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<p>Saw this article (below) and thought of you, ellebud, although this woman has nothing on your MIL! (I know I don’t post often, but I have followed your stories in horror for awhile now) :)</p>

<p>“Future mother-in-law’s blunt advice goes viral”</p>

<p>LONDON — An Internet lesson for future mother-in-laws: If you’re unhappy with your future daughter-in-law’s behavior, keep your thoughts to yourself, or at least don’t email them to her.</p>

<p>One British woman has learned that the hard way after her blunt email went viral on the Internet and was reprinted Thursday in British newspapers.</p>

<p>After a “get-to-know-you” family visit apparently turned into an ordeal, Carolyn Bourne wrote an email to Heidi Withers, 29, telling her she had a thing or two to learn about proper manners before she married Bourne’s 29-year-old stepson, Freddie.</p>

<p>The email criticized everything from Withers’ table manners and sleeping habits to her parents’ financial status after the young couple visited the Bourne family home in Devon, a rural county west of London.</p>

<p>“Your behavior on your visit to Devon during April was staggering in its uncouthness and lack of grace,” Bourne wrote, according to Britain’s Press Association. Bourne even said it was a pity that Freddie had fallen in love with her.</p>

<p>Withers then passed on the email to some friends, who passed it on to others. The email quickly sparked a debate in the press, on Twitter and on Facebook about who was right: The hypercritical mother-in-law or the future bride who offended her in-laws by specifying what foods she wouldn’t eat and taking seconds without asking permission.</p>

<p>Edward Bourne, Freddie’s father, told The Associated Press on Thursday that no one involved would comment on the matter.</p>

<p>But the future bride’s father did surface, telling the Daily Mail newspaper that Carolyn Bourne seemed to be an unbearable snob.</p>

<p>Nick Curtis, a columnist with the Evening Standard newspaper, said the contretemps has revived every stale joke on the planet about intrusive mothers-in-law.</p>

<p>“I sort of sided with both,” he told the AP. “I’m not a parent, but I am a son-in-law, so I side with the junior partner. But I’m old enough now to believe in good manners, so I sided with the mother-in-law too.”</p>

<p>Curtis said there was a useful lesson in this for every family.</p>

<p>“The moral is don’t send out emails like this, and if you do receive one, don’t forward it out. And be as nice to your in-laws as possible,” he suggested.</p>

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<p>D2 and I went and saw Midnight in Paris today (Woody Allen film) and I had read this story earlier. After we saw the movie, I told D2 that the future mother-in-law in this story reminded me of the future mother-in-law in the movie. Both obnoxious!</p>

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<p>The full text of the email is here:
[Mother-In-Law</a> Email: Carolyn Bourne’s Stern Etiquette Message To Heidi Withers Goes Viral | UK News | Sky News](<a href=“The Latest News from the UK and Around the World | Sky News”>The Latest News from the UK and Around the World | Sky News)</p>

<p>I especially liked the attack on her diabetes management!</p>

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<p>Yeah, I read it. I know this woman, except she is just “in training.” Wait, she’ll be worse. Give her time and imagined ammunition. Run!!!</p>

<p>As for Mimi Kennedy’s character, “Cheap is cheap!” I love it!!!</p>

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<p>So you saw the movie?!? I don’t know anyone else who has.</p>

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<p>I saw the movie, too - it was interesting to see Owen Wilson as Woody Allen! I had to brush up on Gertrude Stein, Alice B Toklas and a few of the others afterwards!</p>

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<p>We loved the movie. Come to Los Angeles…all of our friends saw it and loved it.</p>

<p>Mimi Kennedy’s character was bush league in comparison to the English woman and my mil. Hey, she was easy compared to many women having their own personal summer. She wasn’t vicious. She (and the father) wanted what was best for their daughter. Was she a snob? Yes. Was she vicious? No.</p>

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<p>I just read it and I honestly don’t think it sounded that bad. My mother is the same way tbh. She’s a stickler for manners.</p>

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<p>Loved the movie and so did my 16 year-old son. While the mother was a case, so was the daughter. He was well rid of her.</p>

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<p>Just read the e-mail. Egads. That young woman should run and not look back.</p>

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<p>I’ve read the reviews and look forward to seeing the movie. Glad to see that Mimi Kennedy has such a good role - I’ve been a fan for years.</p>

<p>Agree with mimk6 that the prospective DIL should run and not look back. We don’t know that the accusations future-MIL makes in her email are accurate, so I’m not buying that the young woman was necessarily as ill-mannered as described. Some etiquette experts have stated that the fiancee is partially at fault for the situation because she forwarded the email to her friends, but I think she had a perfect right to do so. If the future MIL is embarrassed, she deserves to be. Shame on her. (Her son might want to think about running, as well.)</p>

<p>“Ladette to Lady” - and I thought American reality television was silly.</p>

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<p>Not that the future step mother’s email was anything but appalling, but I do wonder about the context. While the article makes it sound as if this was an initial, get to know you meeting, it sounds like there had already been plenty of drama between everyone involved before the visit. In addition, the email refers to the fact that the young woman had been bad mouthing her future family in public at some point before Bourne sent the email. That might have been what really set Bourne off and made her so angry, though of course it’s no excuse.</p>

<p>One thing I found very strange is that Bourne criticizes Withers for being attention seeking ( getting married in a castle is gauche unless you own one) while she, herself, is willing to pose in all these photos for the press! She could have just said this is a private family matter - I regret writing the email, which was done in a moment of anger, blah blah, blah. Regardless, both women behaved badly, IMO. Bourne should never have sent that repulsive email and Withers ( who if all the things written are true probably <em>could</em> stand to be a little more considerate) was absolutely wrong to talk about her future in laws publicly and spread the email around the way she did.</p>

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<p>

I always thought someone who is a stickler for good manners would be more tactful in discussing concerns about personal qualities, especially with a daughter-in-law to be. Unless of course, your intention is to drive her away. Or drive your son away.</p>

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<p>Oh, and against my in laws: she is an amateur. No thank you note? Not good, but did she bring a house present? Taking seconds? Hey, I’m Jewish (one of my in laws biggest problems)…if I’m expecting 10 for dinner I cook for 20 and for leftovers. Bad manners, in my book is not offering seconds.</p>

<p>While I don’t give a shout out to the future (?) bride for going viral with the email, it is a form of “insurance”. </p>

<p>…but then again, when I was invited for dinner to my then future in laws, I brought flowers. My mother in law threw them out: white roses with yellow centers when opened. The yellow didn’t go with her decor. And she didn’t say thank you.</p>

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<p>I love it when someone who is a “stickler for manners” writes a letter like this. I was taught that manners started with empathy,understanding, kindness and sensitivity. The rest is just formality. (and my mom is British!)</p>

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<p>@blankmind</p>

<p>She would have never fired off an e-mail to her, but she would have told our entire immediate family. It does sound like future dil isn’t exactly a paragon of manners.</p>

<p>@musicamusica</p>

<p>Maybe today. Back in my mothers time, it meant perfect table manners and complete obedience to the unwritten rules a guest needs to follow in somebody elses house.</p>

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<p>The mother is actually a stepmother. So maybe there is another mother around who counterbalances the evil stepmom.</p>

<p>To me, the worst part of the e-mail (besides the horrible manners in writing it in the first place!) is criticizing the girl’s parents for being poor yet not saving $$ for their daughter’s wedding. Now THAT is uncouth.</p>

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<p>Many are starting to believe this was a publicity stunt, though Freddie is denying it. Turns out he just took over a wedding planning business. The Facebook photos of Carolyn on her D’s Facebook page ( since set to private) show a somewhat different side of her, too. </p>

<p>[So</a>, Miss Fancy Pants - what¿s the correct way to wear bloomers outside your trousers? | Mail Online](<a href=“So, Miss Fancy Pants - what¿s the correct way to wear bloomers outside your trousers? | Daily Mail Online”>So, Miss Fancy Pants - what¿s the correct way to wear bloomers outside your trousers? | Daily Mail Online)</p>